Few things...

What is it the draws to your attention that pit in your stomach? I know of a few things in my life: driving on the highway and passing a patrol car parked in a strategic spot, saying something vile and realizing just moments too late that I wished I'd never said it (seek out my wife for examples), and jumping of cliffs or out of airplanes (I've done both...but it was a while ago). These are all terrible and gripping for sure, but there is one that supersedes them all: it would be the sound of vomit taking you out of a dead sleep.

Oddly, this last one is a fairly regular experience (about once every 3 weeks). However, considering the fact that many other patients deal with this A LOT more than us, we have nothing to complain about. So, "why write about it Doug?" The reason is threefold: one, for the Glory and fame of God. Two, for the encouragement of others seeking Christ as a refuge of trust. Finally, for my own catharsis.

Here is the breakdown: I am asleep at about 6am when I hear a few tears and some rustling about. I stay in a light sleep mode. Jada then cries out for me and simultaneously vomits all over. Then the tears come. Profuse tears. It is hard to watch - many times I have been there, sitting next to her holding the bag and rubbing her back. But this one is particularly difficult as she struggles to an upright position getting used to her newly casted arm. We pray. We thank God while praying that it is not too overwhelming. Then we clean things up. While she is still crying, she asks for a rag and cleans her face off. Finally, she looks up at me with those eyes... those eyes have been telling all kinds of stories for 6 years now. Sometimes the stories are full of anger, sometimes sad, sometimes determined - but at all times they are beautiful. This time, however, they are sad and determined.

She glances up and says, "Dad, I just wanna put on a new outfit." The picture you see is moments after I agreed and we worked out the details.

God has spared us of MUCH during her treatment and provided many blessings - and "many" is kind of like a baked potato without any of the fixings, it just lacks. However, God allows things like a broken arm in the middle of chemo to help us endure with patience. Colossians 1:11 says "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy..." He allows vomiting and financial pressure, relational disharmony, and all kinds of things to help us endure with patience that we might find Joy.

So, as I put Jada in the bath today and we talked - those conversations are always so lucid - she opened up. She explained to me that she cleaned her cast with soap and water. Then, fixing her eyes on it, she says, "guess that's why Jesus gave us this (and knocks on the cast)." "What do you mean sweetie?" "Well, you know dad, to trust that He knows what he's doing and to read the Bible." "Jada, I want you to know without a doubt, that God does know what He's doing - the Bible tells us so."

Romans 15:4 says - "For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

So, where ever you are right now - THERE IS HOPE! It comes at a premium though.

Feel free to post what it is that you are enduring so that I may pray for you - OR just post that you'd desire prayer.

If tears were my song

It started much like any trip home from Peoria had these last couple weeks; a bunch of chatter in the back seat from Jada who is constantly inquiring of me an explanation of something. However, as the radiation and chemo take their cumulative affect on Jada, we are noticing increased fatigue. She says to me after we drive about 2 blocks, "Dad, I am exhausted from this stuff, I am going to take a quick nap." That's it, she's out.

Earlier that evening I had snuck into the control room for the radiation oncology department where I snapped this photo of Jada from a monitor. Hard to watch is one thing, pain is another, anguish is likely the nearest English equivalent for the emotion I was experiencing. It gained strength as we headed to the car and began the drive home.

By the time we were crossing the bridge, I was shedding tears at a rate which makes driving difficult and breathing labored. This whole thing still has that element to it - - - the one where it creeps up on you without notice. Jada slept and I had some Kari Jobe (Jada's favorite singer) playing softly in the background. I got home and carried Jada from the car (the radiation saps her strength and although she can walk she prefers to be carried) to the couch. Her stay on the couch was not long as she was quickly acquainted with "her bucket." She kept that little life saver close for the next 3 hours as she hovered over it while I rubbed her and read Genesis 17-19 to her (She and I were having a disagreement earlier about the order of Abram's name change to Abraham...I happened to win that one). We had reinforcements with Diane Imig (who comes to administer one shot to Jada per evening), but it was a painful evening.

I went to bed thinking, "Lord, this is week 1 of 30 or so. Weary needs to be transformed into a more powerful word...possibly with a metaphor attached to really drive home the intensity of the emotions inside." In the purest sense I was asking for someone to validate my grief and make much of me - or at the very least - remind us of the promise of God in suffering and trial. The ultimate GOAL is hope which is poured into our hearts by God through the Holy Spirit (see Rom. 5:5).

So, my heart races to catch hold of the knowledge my head contains but will not easily relinquish (if for no other reason than the enemy's use). My lovely wife was now long asleep and therefore an excellent prayer target. I grab her hand gently and pray for the Lord's strength and that the Holy Spirit would do His job to remind us of all we have been taught (read John 14-16 to see this truth explained from the mouth of Jesus).

As my own head finally hit the pillow I thought of two final things worth sharing: one, Jessica and I are in the thick of it right now and our response, however hard it may be, is not in our own strength. JESUS IS OUR VICTORY...even if that victory is only climbing up the stairs to make a cup of coffee to get our day rolling after minimal sleep. To think otherwise is among the gravest of sins and really a marker of tremendous pride - an all out affront against the Spirit which actually grieves Him. To quote Francis Chan, "I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own."

Secondly, I continue to have the conviction of the LORD in my reading of the word. Particularly, the story of Sarah and Isaac struck me and has been wrestling my sense of composure (spiritual composure or always having it together) to the ground. Here's how: Sarah and Abraham had to be told NUMEROUS TIMES that the covenant was with them and God WOULD provide a son (I actually did not count - forgive me, we are short on time these days). Yet, they still tried to forcibly square-peg-round-hole the covenant into existence. Always gentle, always loving, God continues to take them back and explain Himself again. God is like that with me. Sure, I grow weary and discouraged - but I am realizing that it is the definitive pause at the top of his swing before the hammer comes down again to drive the truth even further into my heart.

This is what I put forward for your consideration tonight... if tears were your song (and God's definitive pause) what would be their refrain? "God, you don't understand how hard this is, why me, I HATE how this ALWAYS seems to happen to me." O R "For you are my lamp, O Lord, and my God lightens my darkness." (II Sam. 22:29).

. . . Mortality Matters . . .

"The state of being subject to death." There it is, the most concise definition of mortality that I could find on Dictionary.com. As I watched the first drips of chemotherapy going into Jada's IV today I caught view of the bag in the picture you see to the left. I swallowed hard and realized (yet again) we are not dealing with a flu or a seasonal but pesky cold. We are dealing with a very rare but also very deadly disease. "Alright, God has things under control," I say. Then I turn around just in time to see Dr. McGee. He is the one administering the radiation for Jada's treatment regimen.

He tells me that after the pathology findings Jada has gone from Stage 1 to Stage 2. This information you likely already know. What you may not know is that her chances for a cure decreased with that prognosis from 85% to somewhere in the 70s. Breathe deep Doug, pick up your phone, call your wife and let her know not to be alarmed. Just a few hours have passed since my lovely Jessica and Pierce (the newest addition to our family) visited Jada and already the joy of that has worn off with the sandblaster (forgive the weak metaphor) of unfortunate news, an all too common feeling these last few weeks.

However poor the news two things remain paramount in our thinking: one, Galatians 3:3 indicates that we have begun by the spirit and therefore cannot attain our goal by human effort. The Spirit of God has been with us in a near palpable way since day one - this means, quite simply, that Jessica and I CANNOT attain our goal by our own effort. "What's the goal?" you ask, simple - cling to Christ in faith and have others take note that we have been with Jesus.

Two, mortality matters because it is precisely what God is not. Psalm 90:1-4 says, "¹Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.²Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. ³You return man to dust and say, "Return, O children of man!" ⁴For a thousand years in your sight are

but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night."

If we had a God constrained by time as we are - we would not have a God who could comfort us, provide peace, PERFECT wisdom, or even atone for our sins. Its not as though I invite the news which cements Jada's (or for that matter my own) mortality. All I know is that it is YET ANOTHER stream of mercy by which God's character is made manifest to Jess and I.

Goodness has a name and it is "God!"

buckle up

Trenton is a child down the hall who is 8yrs old. We have come to know him as he and Jada will cart their I.V. units behind them down the halls gaining strength (not so much speed) each day. Trenton has a failing liver and just two days ago was rushed into emergency surgery for an exploded gal bladder. Each night his mother and father take shifts staying in the hospital as they have two other children, one of them is Trenton's twin. They are going on 4 weeks and little improvement has happened.

Here is what Jess and I know as are result of what we have experienced so far: unexpected tragedy is unrelenting and exhausting...just ask Trenton. We are only one week and a day into our experience of it and I can say with utter certainty that 18-20 hours of sleep over 8 days is not sufficient for anyone.

But clearly God has used this to show us something and have the building of our faith bless others - but before that happens He must still teach us some very important lessons. The lesson that Jess and I have learned (as if there were only one) so far is this: we are not the only ones going through something difficult, it just feels like it.

Trenton was walking to the end of the hall to meet me, he introduced himself and talked of his pain as though it was commonplace. Immediately my elder sister (Sheri Nafziger) taught me a wonderful lesson... "Its not about you Doug." For when Trenton walked up to me I was still wiping tears from my eyes and thinking of how I needed sleep to cope. My sister, standing next to me immediately put her hand on his head asked him his name and a few details. He obliged and instantly Sheri put her arm around him and said, "do you mind if I pray for you?" "Sure...GO ahead." was the response and she did. In those brief seconds I realized, others have it far worse, and beyond that some folks don't even have the hope of Jesus Christ living in them.

Trial without Christ can equate to a number of different adjectives. Among them are: bitterness, frustration, faithlessness, anger, fear, anxiety, loss of control, etc. Imagine facing a great trial without Christian community to support you and really point your often self-centered mind to Christ. It would be devastating! Jess and my hope is in Christ, not in medicine, or St. Jude's (while we are unbelievably thankful for any and all help we have received). Ultimately it is Jesus who heals and even percentages or statistics bow to that authority.

Oh, by the way, the Lord has seen fit to restore enough health to Jada that she will be sleeping in her own bed on Saturday January the 8th...that is tomorrow! Less than a week after MAJOR surgery she is literally a walking testimony of the grace and mercy of our loving Father.

While we still do not have pathology (the test results which will tells us the next step), the Dr. feels confident that Jada's recovery from surgery can and should happen at home. We are scheduled to return to St. Jude Clinic on Monday to meet with the Dr. and possibly get the pathology. Continue to pray...

Parents...

If you are a parent (or plan to become one) consider the following:
What is my role as a parent? Better yet think of the illustration of sheep.
Sheep are helpless, left to their own devices they will not seek food, protection or shelter. They will passively stand by and watch as their fellow sheep get mauled by a predator. The Bible, however teaches that Jesus IS the Good Shepherd and that the Good Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).The verses in I Peter 2:24-25 are most helpful here:
1. Jesus bore our sins - children need to know it is not theirs to bear
2. He bore our sin so we might die to it - helping our children "die" to sin means always connecting sin to the Gospel (where there is great hope) not just our expectations as parents.
3. Live to righteousness - do our children see in us a joy in living for Christ or a white-knuckle, stick-it-out-to-eternity type of resolve...this determines, in large part, what they make of Jesus growing up.
4. His death heals - there is great comfort in the wounds of Christ...for Hebrews 9:22 tells us that unless he bled an died we cannot live (or be forgiven).
5. Good Shepherd - Our joy, as parents, in returning daily to our Shepherd and Overseer is of great communicated value to our children. Shepherds are not forceful, but gentle and calculating.
I value any comments - click the comment button and leave your thoughts

Evangelism 101

Have you ever wondered how it is that we understand and "do" evangelism? Well, the following video is a post spurred by a recent youth group sermon. One of the students asked if I could post my presentation online - so I exported it as a movie and here it is. The movie may not transition quickly (the whole song plays at the beginning before the next slide comes) so be patient.

Here are some of the notes:
Know the Gospel: Paul says this is of "first importance." That means there is nothing more important than the Gospel in Paul's eyes, and should be in mine as well.
1. I Cor. 15:1-5
a. Jesus died for our sins
b. Was buried
c. Raised to life (Rom. 4:25)
Know how to Share it:
1. Think - think of those in your immediate context (II Cor.6:17 don't let your separation become total isolation; Matt. 11:19-be a friend of sinners)
2. Pray (Eph. 6:18 & II Thess. 5:17 - Pray continually, always, in the spirit for those in your sphere of influence)
3. Seek - seek to know what's going on in your friend just as Job's friends sat and listened to him (Job 2:13)
4. Share - "We are Christ's ambassadors as though he makes his appeal through us..." (Read II Cor. 5:11-21)

Word in the Woods 2009

October 29th-30th the Northfield Youth Group will be at Turkey Run
State Park in Indiana...So, what is Word in the Woods you might ask -
Word in the woods is a GREAT time of Camping, Hiking, and getting into
God's word - all for $20. Check out the flyer. The deadline for your
$20 fee is the 21st of October.

Remnant

It was a Monday evening...those are special to me because it is my only day where I have no ministry commitments and I am alone with my family. We were dining at the finest pizza place in the central Illinois area - I am, of course, speaking of Monical's Pizza. Enjoying piece after piece and laughing with my wife at all the crazy things a three year old girl says.
Now, the following deserves a disclaimer - I love my daughter, I really do - but there are times I specifically wonder, if she is God's test for my understanding of love?
Here is what transpired: Jada, who never liked soda before that evening says she wants to taste mine. I concede, knowing that she will contort her face and call it, "spicy," stick out her tongue and go back to her lemonade. WRONG. She contorts her face as I thought, but when she sees my laughing reaction - as well as my wife's - she says in a very coy way, "yum, that soda is super good, its the goodest soda ever!" We all know what happens next - her greasy, sauce-filled hands are all over my drink and now I have new objects of avoidance inside my cup each time I go to get a sip...you know, floaties or Remnants if you will of her last bite (not drink, bite).
The next morning I awoke and was talking with God about the day and my thoughts. As I told Him how much I loved my family and thanked Him for the day off I was reminded of the drink. Very clearly He showed me, "Doug, you're the sauce-filled, floatie leaving, coy commenting child with Me and My Gospel. I entrust to you the message that alone can save - understanding that there are two was you can go about it: in your own power, or through the power of the Holy Spirit."
Really, the fact that people come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ shows that God can work in spite of us. Today, consider how Great of a God we serve and how he has entrusted with such a great message - The Gospel. Then, take your sauce-filled hands and floatie leaving sips, and go share it with those in your relational sphere of influence.

The Shack: some thoughts

So, I go on vacation and have a fantastic time...you know, just checking out. In ministry there are times when you will be barraged by the onslaught of neediness, and endless activity and sometimes the best remedy is simply to just get out of town, shut off the cell - ignore email and hang with the family. And that is exactly what I did.
I was looking for something to read that was not work related - I read a ton and sometimes its great to grab a work of fiction and just enjoy. The Shack was recommended to me by a friend we saw on vacation not because it was good but because he was upset with it. Now, you're no dummy, you know that negative reviews actually bolster book sales or circulation - you say something and people want to know for themselves. So, to that end, this book review is not to tell you what to think - just read the whole posting and add your comments at the end - good or bad.
I must say that I found the book, at the onset, to be a gripping mystery with a few twists I was not expecting. Or, to put it differently, I liked it until the author began to dive into his understanding of the Trinity.
Here is the basic set-up (without giving it away): Mack is a the main character and essentially goes through some really hard life experiences by the time we catch up with him. He is disenfranchised and unaffected by his walk with Christ. On one particular day he is alone and thoughts are flying, he goes to the mailbox and gets a letter - or an invitation rather - to spend a weekend with God at a Shack in the mountains.
He accepts and shows up at the shack where the Trinity is hanging out (God is portrayed as an African American woman named Papa, Jesus is a middle eastern male carpenter, and the Holy Spirit is a translucent Asian woman named Sarayu).
This is where I try to understand - "hey, its a work of fiction and I need to treat it as such..." but my mind and heart could not wrap around the portrayal of God. You see, God commands us in the Bible not to make graven images (idolatry). When we take God (who is spirit) and make him a woman, or a Santa Claus figure, or what have you - we have just engaged in idolatry. Anything God looks like in our imagination is typically from a construct specific to our experience - simply put: our understanding of what God looks like is subject to our experience, not absolute truth.
As the weekend wears on conversations ensue about life and things Mack does not understand and we are introduced to a concept called modalism. Modalism says that God was revealed at different times in different ways and thus has three "modes" of appearance rather than being One God in three persons. Essentially Papa says that he (or she - for the sake of the book) is "...truly human in Jesus." By this line of logic the problem becomes that God is limited to the particular role being played at the current time.
There are many other areas of concern in the book and I don't want to sit here and tell you what to think or give the book away - but let me just ask you to do a few things:

1. Read the book for yourself. (toward the end of the book, after the author gets done playing theologian, there is actually some really good and sound dialogue that I was pleased and challenged to read) It will challenge some of your long held beliefs and cause you to examine Christian orthodoxy (that just means "right belief").
2. Know that it is a work of fiction. Don't use the book to shape your theology. Know this, the Bible is the first and most authoritative way one can develop a right understanding of God - and that only because the Spirit of God would reveal it to him as he reads the Bible (see Luke 24:27 & 45).
3. Watch the embedded video below.