"I hate mortality." The words flew off my tongue as I kissed Jessica goodbye with my arms loaded up full of bags and a 6-year-old...and I walked out the door. That was only 2.5hrs ago. I hate mortality because it is so much more immanent than it ever was in days past. Mortality stands ready to remind each of us that the life we so take for granted is but a breath - each moment that passes can scarce guarantee the next. That, for the sake of my daughter and the rest of my family, is what I loathe. Last night Jada's appetite and demeanor went markedly down hill. This morning she woke with zero appetite and asked me to hold her to the couch from her bedroom.
Anyone knows that Jada Noel Rumbold does not "give" easily in regards to just resting...so this came as a surprise. I took her tempt mid morning and it was already 99. Knowing that 100.4 earns an undesirable trip to the hospital, I kept checking. Within 2hrs it had climbed past 102. If this were Facebook I would click the comment button and type, "DISLIKE!" I called, they (hospital) responded and our bags were packed. Jess and I stood in her bedroom before my departure praying over her - tears streaming down my face, much as they are right now as I write this, begging God for strength and comfort as well as healing.
We arrived and were checked in promptly. I read to her, I prayed with her, and I put her to sleep for a short nap. Now, I count the minutes until she is awake while I pound these emotions out on the keyboard. Despite all the emotional noise plaguing my ears, the Spirit CLEARLY spoke to me - read Ephesians 2.
Obediently I picked up my phone, clicked on the Bible app and began reading.
"...remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having NO HOPE and WITHOUT GOD IN THE WOLRD. BUT NOW in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He HIMSELF is our PEACE..." (2:12-14a)
I may loathe this process of refinement as much as I revel in its benefits to Jess and I spiritually. To dislike the process is human. However, I urge the reader of this to consider the following: how much more hellish would this whole experience be for us (or anyone else) if we had "no hope" and were "without God in the world?" The answer is simple. It would be AWFUL.
It is a sweet refrain when one can sing again and again, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." I am no longer separate, no longer far off, no longer without hope, no longer without peace. So maybe I don't hate mortality. Maybe, just maybe, its a good thing. Being reminded of my alienation, lack of hope, and distance from God is good. From God's perspective mortality is a wrench, or a screwdriver... a tool used to illustrate the immortality and enduring HOPE found in Jesus.
