Although the video is funny its aim is to illustrate the very thing my heart has wrestled with, and if truth were to be the modus operandi, that which has wrought tears in me even as I pen these words. You see, there are vile wicked thoughts that float through this head and maintain residence there. It has been hard these past two days and I am sure if you are the casual reader of this blog you know what I am saying. So, for those who aren't here it is:
Jada and I went in for a chemotherapy treatment on the 13th of June. It was supposed to be 3 days at the hospital. We were there for 4. We went home on Thursday the 16th for about 6 hours when Jada awoke from a nap in severe pain...shingles. Back to the hospital again - the same day we were released. We stayed until the 22nd of June. This past Monday she awoke with headaches and we had to bring her to visit the Dr. for some neurological exams. She passed these and they took a blood sample for safety and sent us home. Tuesday night about midnight the Dr. called and said that Jada's blood revealed a bacterial infection. Nice. Back to the hospital on the 29th. They tell us once they figure out what bacteria it is it should only take 7-10 days of treatment, you guessed it, all in the hospital. All of this precedes the fact that her next 5 day treatment of chemo is to begin on July 5th. If all follows their predictions - that could effectively be 21 out of 26 days in the hospital. Yikes.
The crazy thing is, I am not even that upset about the hospital stays - though they are long and sleepless for both Jada and I. I am grieved at what my heart is displaying while here, selfishness and discontentment. My tone with Jada has been less than Godly - not that she's been an angel, but both of us are clearly still works in progress. Tonight we read a story and lay on her bed just cuddling before bed. The nurse walks in and Jada grabs my arm and says, "Dad, TELL HER!" "Tell her what?" I say as if I don't know what our mantra has been since day one. "TELL HER about JESUS!" So, casually I look at her and exclaim - "My daughter wants me to tell you about Jesus. But I am certain you are aware by now of where we stand." She glances at me and says, "yes, quite sure." To which I respond, "well, if you have time, and would like to talk about Jesus, I'm here all night."
How lame! What? I don't want to tell you about the person who makes intercession for us and is himself our righteousness? Is it too much of a burden when I am tired to speak the name that gives me life and vitality? That whole discussion with the nurse ended and she walked out. I began thinking about Paul in I Timothy when he says, "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment..."(ESV) The cavernous depths of my dark soul were illumined by this one thought, "I am content, but lacking godliness." Godliness is defined as "having great reverence for God; pious." I sat at the side of Jada's bed, hands laid on her in prayer and sought the restoration of adoration.
"Why?" one may ask. The reason is twofold. One, without reverence contentment quickly morphs. The shape it takes faster than one realizes is contempt. One sees that contempt for God and His purposes results in damages not only to oneself, but to those near to them: Hebrews 12:15 - "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (NIV)." Secondly, without godliness accompanying my contentment, I am at risk - and I would even confess - to having grieved the Spirit. Psalm 139:24 says, "And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Thankfully, my tears are not in vain. There is hope for the repentant soul - and I would argue the same for you reader. Does your contentment lack godliness OR vice versa. Graciously His Spirit is in the business of revelation without devastation. My heart is not devastated because its anchor is firm and secure. The Goal is Christ, My Father is GOOD, His Spirit Leads me.
Add your thoughts below by posting a comment for others to chew on and be blessed by. Think on it... Do you Desperately need the Restoration of Adoration?
Add your thoughts below by posting a comment for others to chew on and be blessed by. Think on it... Do you Desperately need the Restoration of Adoration?
