Compassion's deficit

Now, I will not say with utter certainty - the way that one can say, "water is wet, sky is blue, and grass is green," - that I know the ins and outs of compassion. However, what God has done these past few weeks may be likened to the eye exam; an object is purposefully blurry for a time and the optometrist does a little twisting here and a little tweaking there...BOOM, the object in view becomes ever so clear.

And so it is with compassion. There are a number of things one can read in the Bible and not make sense of them - the author of Deuteronomy makes it clear that the secret things belong to God. However, there are things that are veiled or kept from our understanding, that is, until our hearts are ready to actively receive a truth or principle previously ignored or misunderstood.

Tonight marked the end of Jada's radiation treatment regimen. This is TREMENDOUS news and cannot be overstated on paper or in our hearts. I wrote a few nights ago of the difficulty it is to watch that machine administer radiation to such a young beautiful girl. So, you will forgive me if I get a little excited while searching for what I already know will be totally inept adjectives to describe the experience. Jada always dresses as cute as she can for this experience. Nice boots, cute top and just the right leggings. Her top by her own admission must not be too short because, in her words, "Dad, that would just be unappropriate." - I love it. The treatment is brief - never lasting (from start to finish) for more than 10 minutes.

The last treatment is finished and I tell her I have a surprise. She consents with obvious veiled excitement (you know how children that age think they can hide something all the while their face is telling a story?). We leave the radiation room walking and she pauses to say, "Ride please." We have developed this system where she sits with her back against my chest and holds my thumbs much like a joystick or video game controller. This way I can walk and she can choose the direction. Once in the van I ask her to close her eyes and wait till I say so. She actually waited which came as a bit of a surprise if you know Jada.

The van parked in the Baskin Robbins on Knoxville in Peoria and we were the only customers. With sheer delight she wanders around looking at all the flavors and finally places an order...so do I and we just sit down. Now, the point of the whole post hinges on this next paragraph so pay close attention because for me the experience was like taking a funnel and tapping directly to my heart - pouring pure, deep, rich and freeing truth STRAIGHT IN!

I look across the table and pose what I think is a fair question: "Jada, you have been through lot these last couple weeks. Do you think God might be teaching you anything through it all?" Jada looks me square in the eye and says with a should shrug, "uh, not really." "C'mon" I say, "nothing?" She scrunches up her brow and says, "Oh, I know. He's been teaching me to care more for other people. Dad, today when Goober was crying about his stomach I should not have said that I had surgery and its harder for me. Because that is selfish and thinking only of me."

In Mark 10 the story is told of a Rich Young man who asked Jesus what he must do to be saved. Jesus knew that the conversation would eventually end in the young man's rejection of him. Verse 21 (CLICK HERE to read the passage) has been one of those verses I have always had a hard time grasping. It says, "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him..." (the rest of the verse explains that Jesus indeed answered his question) When was the last time you KNEW how someone would respond, yet you loved them regardless? Suffering like Jesus means that your deficit, as it were, pertains to your lack of vision for your own suffering. It does not mean a total disregard (read the account of Jesus and Gethsemane to see how Jesus still considered his own suffering). As I fired up the van to drive home I thought how easy it is- in a situation like ours to slap on the blinders like a horse and only think of we have been going through. Christ knew what he was about to suffer yet his heart LOVED even those who were his enemies.

So, compassion's deficit (rather a compassionate person) is simply its inability...scratch that... unwillingness, to focus solely on their imminent, present, or historical suffering. What a lesson from a 5 yr old. I have already cried at the beauty of God's shaping her heart in all this.