Just my bunny

Yesterday marked what most would label a milestone. One could easily look at it and say, "milestone, marker, landmark" or any of a thousand metaphors - but pure and simple - it was a momentous occasion and cause for review in the journey.

Here it is: Yesterday Jada received her last scheduled outpatient chemotherapy infusion! This means from now until August she will receive chemo only while in the hospital and at that every 2-3 weeks depending on her blood levels.

The picture shows Jada at the very beginning of the journey we have been on now since December 30th, 2010 - the day of her diagnosis with Kidney Cancer. If you click on the image to make it bigger, you will read the text - Psalm 40:9-10. A dear friend made (thank you Tyler Thompson) this picture for me as a reminder... I thought this morning might be a good opportunity to unload that on you, the unsuspecting reader, what that "reminder" is.

Psalm 40:9-10:

⁹ I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O LORD. ¹⁰I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.

To suffer without purpose or direction is to walk through life not knowing Jesus! To suffer and know the present comfort (one of the functions of the Holy Spirit listed in John 14-16...by the way, this is a great discourse on all the Spirit is - not what we make him to be) of the Spirit is to KNOW the salve or balm-like nature of God's sovereignty. Let me put it this way: how many of us will readily place our trust in that which will disappoint us, even in the short term? The answer, MANY - if not all of us will do this.

"My spouse would never treat me unkind, my kids will always respect my wishes, my job will always be here, I am well known at school or work and people like me, if I roll up my sleeves and just work hard then this or that will happen, we have set up a nice nest egg for retirement that will sustain us," etc etc etc.

The writer of Hebrews is clear that Jesus is the sure and firm anchor for our soul which will NEVER disappoint - the only one we can ever hang our hopes on and find them realized. From the very beginning with Jada God has given grace and mercy in helping us realize this trial is not about us. We have the happy tune of God's deliverance and salvation whistling from our lips - though there have been times of sadness, self-pity, and complaining. Since my first blog post on this new life of ours at the beginning of January, Jess and I have endeavored to "not restrain my (our) lips" regarding the deliverance and faithfulness of God. A simple fact Jada brought to light just yesterday as we traveled to clinic.

Each time we leave the house go to the clinic we spend the first half of the ride praying and talking through fears or concerns for that day. It was hard to keep the smile off my weary lips as I said, "Jada, do you know what today is?" She says blithely, "clinic, why dad?" "Jada, today is your LAST outpatient CHEMOTHERAPY!" The words dance off my tongue with a sweetness only Jesus can cause. "What do you think about that sweetie?" Three words that indicate the work the Spirit has been up to in her little heart rolled out, "God did it" she yells.

I look in the rearview mirror and ask her, "well, if God did that, what should we tell people?" She locks her eyes with mine and states with conviction, "we should tell them."

Clinic and the rest of the day went much as it always does... some screaming children here and there, no real schedule - just a lot of waiting, blood drawn, weight taken, height checked, heart listened to, crafts done, conversations had, lunch consumed (a celebration lunch considering the day of course), back home, played outside, shot given (Jada receives an injection daily to help with her blood levels), and finally, BEDTIME! I am lying in bed with Jada reviewing the day and reading a little to her. After prayer and a kiss on the forehead she looks at me and places one hand on my cheek. Intently she says, "Dad, did you tell anyone about Jesus today at clinic?"

"Yes sweetie, I did," was followed by a brief account so Jada would know what I meant. "What about you Jada, did you tell anyone about Jesus?" "Just my bunny," she remarks. "Really, what did you tell him?" "I didn't tell, I sang - I sang him a song," was her reply. "I see, what song was that honey?" "I made it up, it was about God being good."

You see, ever since the beginning our prayer has been for deliverance. Our picture of what that is has been eroded, destroyed, and rebuilt. We are learning always that just as important as prayer is acceptance. Acceptance of the deliverance that God, in his Sovereignty, chooses to supply you with. We have (and continue to) experience deliverance in Christ, community and confession.

In Christ it is the present comfort that his sacrifice and gift of the Spirit gives. In community our nuclear families and the church body have upheld and encouraged us. In confession it is the place of brokenness which has a twofold declaration: one, God's word is ALL we can hang on to. Two, confessing sin and ineptitude at every turn so as to trust fully in God's process here.

Will you, today, join us in "not restraining your lips" and "not concealing God's steadfast love" so that others will see the GREAT joy that it is to tether our hope with the ANCHOR of JESUS?

Ponder for a moment then, who is glorified?

"I hate mortality"

"I hate mortality." The words flew off my tongue as I kissed Jessica goodbye with my arms loaded up full of bags and a 6-year-old...and I walked out the door. That was only 2.5hrs ago.

I hate mortality because it is so much more immanent than it ever was in days past. Mortality stands ready to remind each of us that the life we so take for granted is but a breath - each moment that passes can scarce guarantee the next. That, for the sake of my daughter and the rest of my family, is what I loathe. Last night Jada's appetite and demeanor went markedly down hill. This morning she woke with zero appetite and asked me to hold her to the couch from her bedroom.

Anyone knows that Jada Noel Rumbold does not "give" easily in regards to just resting...so this came as a surprise. I took her tempt mid morning and it was already 99. Knowing that 100.4 earns an undesirable trip to the hospital, I kept checking. Within 2hrs it had climbed past 102. If this were Facebook I would click the comment button and type, "DISLIKE!" I called, they (hospital) responded and our bags were packed. Jess and I stood in her bedroom before my departure praying over her - tears streaming down my face, much as they are right now as I write this, begging God for strength and comfort as well as healing.

We arrived and were checked in promptly. I read to her, I prayed with her, and I put her to sleep for a short nap. Now, I count the minutes until she is awake while I pound these emotions out on the keyboard. Despite all the emotional noise plaguing my ears, the Spirit CLEARLY spoke to me - read Ephesians 2.

Obediently I picked up my phone, clicked on the Bible app and began reading.

"...remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having NO HOPE and WITHOUT GOD IN THE WOLRD. BUT NOW in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He HIMSELF is our PEACE..." (2:12-14a)

I may loathe this process of refinement as much as I revel in its benefits to Jess and I spiritually. To dislike the process is human. However, I urge the reader of this to consider the following: how much more hellish would this whole experience be for us (or anyone else) if we had "no hope" and were "without God in the world?" The answer is simple. It would be AWFUL.

It is a sweet refrain when one can sing again and again, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." I am no longer separate, no longer far off, no longer without hope, no longer without peace. So maybe I don't hate mortality. Maybe, just maybe, its a good thing. Being reminded of my alienation, lack of hope, and distance from God is good. From God's perspective mortality is a wrench, or a screwdriver... a tool used to illustrate the immortality and enduring HOPE found in Jesus.

Evangelism 101

Have you ever wondered how it is that we understand and "do" evangelism? Well, the following video is a post spurred by a recent youth group sermon. One of the students asked if I could post my presentation online - so I exported it as a movie and here it is. The movie may not transition quickly (the whole song plays at the beginning before the next slide comes) so be patient.

Here are some of the notes:
Know the Gospel: Paul says this is of "first importance." That means there is nothing more important than the Gospel in Paul's eyes, and should be in mine as well.
1. I Cor. 15:1-5
a. Jesus died for our sins
b. Was buried
c. Raised to life (Rom. 4:25)
Know how to Share it:
1. Think - think of those in your immediate context (II Cor.6:17 don't let your separation become total isolation; Matt. 11:19-be a friend of sinners)
2. Pray (Eph. 6:18 & II Thess. 5:17 - Pray continually, always, in the spirit for those in your sphere of influence)
3. Seek - seek to know what's going on in your friend just as Job's friends sat and listened to him (Job 2:13)
4. Share - "We are Christ's ambassadors as though he makes his appeal through us..." (Read II Cor. 5:11-21)

Remnant

It was a Monday evening...those are special to me because it is my only day where I have no ministry commitments and I am alone with my family. We were dining at the finest pizza place in the central Illinois area - I am, of course, speaking of Monical's Pizza. Enjoying piece after piece and laughing with my wife at all the crazy things a three year old girl says.
Now, the following deserves a disclaimer - I love my daughter, I really do - but there are times I specifically wonder, if she is God's test for my understanding of love?
Here is what transpired: Jada, who never liked soda before that evening says she wants to taste mine. I concede, knowing that she will contort her face and call it, "spicy," stick out her tongue and go back to her lemonade. WRONG. She contorts her face as I thought, but when she sees my laughing reaction - as well as my wife's - she says in a very coy way, "yum, that soda is super good, its the goodest soda ever!" We all know what happens next - her greasy, sauce-filled hands are all over my drink and now I have new objects of avoidance inside my cup each time I go to get a sip...you know, floaties or Remnants if you will of her last bite (not drink, bite).
The next morning I awoke and was talking with God about the day and my thoughts. As I told Him how much I loved my family and thanked Him for the day off I was reminded of the drink. Very clearly He showed me, "Doug, you're the sauce-filled, floatie leaving, coy commenting child with Me and My Gospel. I entrust to you the message that alone can save - understanding that there are two was you can go about it: in your own power, or through the power of the Holy Spirit."
Really, the fact that people come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ shows that God can work in spite of us. Today, consider how Great of a God we serve and how he has entrusted with such a great message - The Gospel. Then, take your sauce-filled hands and floatie leaving sips, and go share it with those in your relational sphere of influence.