The balance of blessing

Psalm 42:3 "My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'"

It is among the most powerful and poignant metaphors in all the Bible - at least that is this man's opinion. Have you ever been there? You know the place I am talking about. That place where your tears have a ready path not only blazed, but WELL TRAVELED, in which they move speedily down your cheeks and into your mouth. The slightly warm, salty taste doest not even surprise you anymore - in fact, it is part of your regular diet. This is the place the Psalmist is talking about when he speaks of tears and food in the same breath. A place Jessica and I are well acquainted with as of late.

The assurance we receive daily via text, email and phone calls from loved ones concerning the promises of God are staggering. The support of the local church and our family from a physical, emotional, and spiritual angle is also without equal. Why then do I speak of this verse? I know these promises cerebrally, even a few occurrences in my life have driven these truths deeper - but why is it that my tears are my food?

Anyone who looks at the picture of Jada above - hovering over a bucket - must have a justice bone deep down inside that is being tweaked. I could handle this happening to my body, and with relative grace even, say that God is doing something Good. But apply the same circumstances to a child (especially yours) and your justice bone twinges within you at the purposes of God's sovereignty. Sadness does not depict the state of our hearts collectively (Jess and mine that is), anguish is a more fitting term - but what makes this verse so poignant a descriptor for Jess and I is this: our tears are talking. They are telling us, with every new set of challenges, "your God is dead and unable to answer."

Last night Pierce (our newest addition) literally cried and screamed from 8pm till just around 4am. Jess and I did not sleep a wink during that span. Jada woke screaming and needed comfort, and Oliver made his presence known about an hour and a half before normal in the morning. The tears streamed down my face last night, down that familiar canal into the reservoir of my mouth, asking me "Where is your God?" Jess and I prayed, we covered our heads with pillows, we did just about anything we could - hoping that it would end and the dawn would speedily come. Sadly, this was not the case.

I had just a spare minute while laying in bed last night and I turned the Bible application on my phone on, I read Psalm 41-44. When I read through all of Psalm 42 the Spirit began to remind me of the balance of blessing and the HOPE filled perspective provided therein. I began to catalogue all that God has provided since December 30th, 2010 when our trial began. It has been overwhelming and humbling how God has blessed us and I certainly do not want to present a picture of gloom always. There are moments of Joy - though fleeting - and they are what we are hanging on to in the really dark times.

As one reads Psalm 42, though, they are reminded to "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." There is a tremendous temptation on my part to simply cash in the chips and exclaim - "God, we've sought you and your are not answering in the manner we expected." The fact is, even though our present request is sleep, and much of it - God's goodness is not in question simply because what I want is not happening. His goodness and blessing are manifest in a thousand other ways all around me. What this calls for in me is twofold: the Psalmist later says "...I shall again praise him...", this means that all of whats happening is a colossal equation leading to praise. Secondly, this calls for endurance. Read Romans 5 and one will quickly discover suffering or trials are designed to provoke endurance in us. Endurance (or perseverance) is connected to Hope because its OBJECTIVE IS GOD!

We GET GOD! Not sure if this resonates with you, but for this weary believer it is medicine for my sick and tired soul. Tomorrow Jada and I shove out early for another stay of 5 or so days in the hospital and the administration of chemo. We will do so knowing that even if it is hard and we pray against everything that then happens, we still GET GOD! I pray your rest is in your acquisition of God - not in some unmet expectation you have of Him. I know I have wrestled with that, even in the last couple days.

When I took this picture of Jada she had just vomited. I asked her, "Jada, is God still good?" Vomit still clinging to her chin over the bucket she looks at me and says, "of course dad." Really, you're kidding me! was my thought. I pressed her and she began to recount all the things around us, warm jammies, good dinner that night, heat when it was snowing outside, etc. God continues to use my daughter to encourage (and challenge) both Jess and I. I pray the same for you.