The Fright of our Wants

James 4:4-6 4 You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6 But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

Take the time, right now if you can, to catalog through the deep recesses of your mind. Here's what you are looking for: a time when you knew you were had. When it seemed as though all eyes in the place were on you, and whats more, you were the guilty one. Nothing you can do in the moment but own it and move on.

Do you have that moment in your mind? Unfortunately, paring down my list of memories from the Rolodex of regrettable actions leaves me near paralyzed at the moment. However, I am able to hone in on a few.

With that exercise complete, let me ask you another question. In those moments when "it was over" - what was at the front end of your thinking? Were you ready to give up, were you emboldened with a new resolve toward self-defense, did you travel down the well worn path of self-loathing that you "did it again," did you instinctively devise a plan in order to avoid the same foible in the future, or was there some other response not listed?

Do you feel that, the tension created by being in the position we just imagined? This is the space readers of James 4 find themselves in. When one reads it they begin to see, possibly with real clarity, that its not their needs but their wants which are so frightening. Maybe the reader of this post is thinking, "Frightening, why would what I want cause me fright?" The answer James spells out: what you want is not bad its the manner in which you want it. It leads to fighting, quarreling, MURDER, and ultimately enmity with God. When our wants become our worship look out for there is relational collateral that most certainly follows.

James leads us to the brink of despair were it not for Jesus. For the tension the reader has is that despite his saving knowledge and relationship with Christ, he often returns to enmity with God in his heart via his wants. But those most soothing of words in 4:6 (But he gives more grace) bring the gospel balm we all need daily. "...He gives more grace..." and I don't get it through any other channel than humility. 

Whether you've held to your enmity with for a long time (I want or demand something and it must be this way) or its been 6 minutes - the solution is the same. He wants deep, gut level mourning that your wants have become your worship thus dislodging the rightful owner of the throne: Jesus Christ! 

Humility.

Lord, break me of my pride, no matter the cost.      

Forsaking and Finding

Ruth was a woman of principle. A woman of deep sorrow and pain, but a woman of principle. Read the story in the book that bears her name (it's only 4 chapters and is well worth your time). Naomi (her mother-in-law) was a woman that had every intention of helping others around her see that God had dealt bitterly with her, "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, (which means bitter) for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full and came back empty..." Ruth 1:20-21. Now, if you read the whole story you will see the kindness and providence of God and how it ultimately steers Naomi back to his loving arms... a picture and promise of sovereignty.

But, for the moment, lets focus our attention on Ruth. In Ruth chapter one we learn that Ruth was married for about ten years and never bore children...they did not have the big debate we do these days. You know, "how long are you going to wait to have children?" One of the purposes of marriage (this remains today, yet is clouded by the Western ideal of "me first") in those days was propagation - so ten years of marriage with no fruit to show was particularly hard. Add to this the fact that her husband dies, so does her brother-in-law, and her father-in-law. At this point, Ruth could easily have said, "alright, well I gave that life a run and it was unsuccessful. Mom, dad, I hope you have a room for me, cause I am moving back home!"

Ruth, however, chose not to go the customary route and head back to all that was familiar, safe and inviting. Her heart, I believe, was aching for her mother-in-law who had endured the same losses as Ruth only from Naomi's vantage point they seem almost vindictive.

So, Ruth forsook her biological family - not in a "I'm done with you" sort of way, but more in a "whom else does Naomi have" sort of way. Let's be clear that Ruth was not acting as a mode of salvation to Naomi she was just identifying with and coming alongside her.

Ruth 2:12 states "The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!" This is a pivotal statement in the book. The picture this verse creates in the mind of the weary is like that of an Oasis of Hope while in the desert of despair. Sometimes the Christian life is on those terms. You may find yourself grasping at straws praying, begging, hoping, that one of them leads to some sort of solace or refuge.

What exactly did Ruth find in her forsaking? Well, she found a hand of providence that seemed bitter if the end were not known. She found blessing in obedience. She found herself in the direct line of the King of Kings. Most of all - she found a REDEEMER!

I beseech you come under the wings of God for refuge. Not for the blessings but for the comfort it is to know He has His hand in every detail. This week our family had the joy of hosting, for a short time, Chris Koelle and Will Parker. Chris is the artist of the Job book (here's a link to the book for sale and Chris' website) Jada and I read in the hospital which has had such profound impact on our family. Having discovered Jada and her condition, along with the affinity she has for art - these two gentlemen made a HUGE effort that blessed and encouraged us beyond adequate description.

Jess and I may not be a picture of Ruth (in commitment or obedience) but Ruth's story of refuge under the wings of God makes for stories like these in our lives. Seek refuge under the wings of God, find a redeemer and be written into the story of God as one of His children and a co-heir with his Son.

Forsake Ease, Find Jesus!

And you shall call his name...

Well, "nothing." That is what I continue to tell people as Jess and I revel in the blessing of a very amazing birth.

To be sure this little stretch of our lives has been hard but not void of blessing or grace. This morning was most poignant. We had prayed that the baby would come quickly when he came. The Lord saw fit to start labor at 4:30 am and have a child born to us by 6:23.

There are many things, to be sure, that I could share and desire to do so. But here is not the forum for that information. All anyone need know is that the birth was FAST, as painless as birth can be, and Jessica is doing VERY well.
He was 8lb 12oz. and 20.25inches long.

The irony here is that we were at home to deliver and I left less than 2 hours later to take Jada to St. Jude's for testing. Jada got to see her nameless baby brother and hold him before being readmitted once again (see yesterday's post: "Home was nice...But Jesus is Calling).

God's goodness continues to flow in two primary ways: one, Jada had a bone scan and brain MRI to check for bone cancer and brain cancer and both tests came back negative (AMAZING!). They have officially diagnosed Jada with a VERY RARE form of cancer called, "clear cell sarcoma of the kidney."

Today I held a baby, held the hand of my daughter through MRIs and CT scan's, and radiation simulations. After that I had the chance to meet with Dr. Al (our lead oncologist) - who delivered the results and walked me through all the side effects of treatment. Staggering!!! Jess and I will make final decisions on treatment tomorrow with chemotherapy and radiation likely to start Thursday. This means that while I love my little guy and my wife - I must be at the hospital with our firstborn during these VERY difficult days ahead. I am sleeping on a couch tonight listening to her breath and there is not a sweeter noise in all the earth.

So, if you are keeping track, that would effectively be both ends of the spectrum that Jess and I had the chance to walk through as a couple. God is good to give us this experience so we can comfort others and exalt the name of Christ.

buckle up

Trenton is a child down the hall who is 8yrs old. We have come to know him as he and Jada will cart their I.V. units behind them down the halls gaining strength (not so much speed) each day. Trenton has a failing liver and just two days ago was rushed into emergency surgery for an exploded gal bladder. Each night his mother and father take shifts staying in the hospital as they have two other children, one of them is Trenton's twin. They are going on 4 weeks and little improvement has happened.

Here is what Jess and I know as are result of what we have experienced so far: unexpected tragedy is unrelenting and exhausting...just ask Trenton. We are only one week and a day into our experience of it and I can say with utter certainty that 18-20 hours of sleep over 8 days is not sufficient for anyone.

But clearly God has used this to show us something and have the building of our faith bless others - but before that happens He must still teach us some very important lessons. The lesson that Jess and I have learned (as if there were only one) so far is this: we are not the only ones going through something difficult, it just feels like it.

Trenton was walking to the end of the hall to meet me, he introduced himself and talked of his pain as though it was commonplace. Immediately my elder sister (Sheri Nafziger) taught me a wonderful lesson... "Its not about you Doug." For when Trenton walked up to me I was still wiping tears from my eyes and thinking of how I needed sleep to cope. My sister, standing next to me immediately put her hand on his head asked him his name and a few details. He obliged and instantly Sheri put her arm around him and said, "do you mind if I pray for you?" "Sure...GO ahead." was the response and she did. In those brief seconds I realized, others have it far worse, and beyond that some folks don't even have the hope of Jesus Christ living in them.

Trial without Christ can equate to a number of different adjectives. Among them are: bitterness, frustration, faithlessness, anger, fear, anxiety, loss of control, etc. Imagine facing a great trial without Christian community to support you and really point your often self-centered mind to Christ. It would be devastating! Jess and my hope is in Christ, not in medicine, or St. Jude's (while we are unbelievably thankful for any and all help we have received). Ultimately it is Jesus who heals and even percentages or statistics bow to that authority.

Oh, by the way, the Lord has seen fit to restore enough health to Jada that she will be sleeping in her own bed on Saturday January the 8th...that is tomorrow! Less than a week after MAJOR surgery she is literally a walking testimony of the grace and mercy of our loving Father.

While we still do not have pathology (the test results which will tells us the next step), the Dr. feels confident that Jada's recovery from surgery can and should happen at home. We are scheduled to return to St. Jude Clinic on Monday to meet with the Dr. and possibly get the pathology. Continue to pray...

...with authority...

With the popular credo these days clearly displayed (Question Authority), I thought we might question, well the questioning of authority:
My thought process goes something like this (see if you don't agree with me here)

1. I take in all kinds of opinions throughout the day (friends, teachers, parents, etc...)
2. I filter all of those through what I see in culture and society ever day since I can remember: "do all these people really want what's best for me?"
3. Then I come to this conclusion - "nope...they can't possibly know what's best or even want that for me, therefore I will question them every time."
4. Steps 1-3 are repeated every time I come to the Bible and hear directives, rebuke, or challenging statements given...and I conclude: "Certainly God does not know what is best for me, therefore I will question Him every time it does not suit me."

Mark 1:27 "Amazement gripped the audience, and they began to discuss what had happened. 'What sort of new teaching is this?' they asked excitedly. 'It has SUCH AUTHORITY! Even the evil spirits obey his orders!'"

Food for thought -

Jesus - My Humility Part 1

I'll tell you what's difficult - being young, being someone who is easily termed a "recovering pride-a-holic," then preaching on humility. I know of no one less qualified than I to even touch that with a ten foot pole. However, the irony of God knows no bounds so I endeavored to teach on this very topic recently. This post then will be in two parts, one today and part two to follow soon. This post will cover Christ's humility displayed - really a close look at Phil. 2:1-11.
The three 'E's of Christ's humility:
1. Exercise (Phil.2: 6-7)– where Jesus was in the form (or essence) of God but did not see it as a source of entitlement BUT made Himself subject to God. The term exercise was carefully chosen to illustrate the active and continual nature of Jesus' humility.
2. Extent (Phil. 2:8)- He chose to do everything that humans do (eat, sleep, go to the restroom, etc) to the point of death on a cross. The significance of that cannot be overstated as execution on a cross was indicative of the curse of God. Galatians 3:13 says that he (Jesus) bore the curse for our sin. So the extent of His humility...was sufficient to save.
3. Exaltation (Phil. 2:9-11)- the result then of Jesus humility was being exalted and all confessing the Lordship of Jesus – But as v. 11 states, He was humble “…to the Glory of God the Father.” Ultimately, us being humble is not for us, but for the glory of God.
Well, I leave you to consider Jesus and His humility along with the implications for your life as you wake tomorrow. Stay tuned more is coming on humility and feel free to add your comments below.

The Foremost - Part 2

The foremost... the words of the Apostle Paul ring in my ears and sting my heart. He says that of ALL people, he is the worst, most disgusting sinner on the planet.
As I think through the lives of people like Ted Bundy (murder and rapist - see recap below) I am astounded Paul would indicate that he is worse off. I have often wondered why he takes that view of himself. We did not have too much discussion (one comment on the previous post and a few emails to me) but, for what its worth here is my take on Paul's bold claim in I Timothy 1:15-16:
Paul says he is the the worst of sinners not because of false humility rather it is because that displays the glory of God to forgive. You see in verse 16 after Paul says he is the worst he explains why - so that Christ's UNLIMITED patience might be revealed and others come to salvation.
So, "what does that mean," I am asked. There are a few applications of this truth:

1. If I am the "worst of sinners" then NO ONE is disqualified from the grace and forgiveness of God - Think on those words for a bit. We often want to present ourselves better and more righteous after being saved but forget that does little to model Grace for the observing non-believer in Christ.
2. My salvation is not for me...alone. Rather, it is to be told and retold with the understanding that Jesus was GREAT to save me and the depth of my sinfulness combined with Jesus' patience moves others toward a relationship with Christ.

I would love to hear your thoughts here - really take a moment to comment.