Look upon Jesus, one acquainted with suffering

We started the car, packed the bags, said our goodbyes and started down the road. These trips to St. Jude clinic in Peoria are becoming a bit ominous for my liking. No one is guaranteed a good experience at clinic and there stands an eerie reminder upon entrance weekly. On occasion there are weeping 2 yr olds who cannot stand treatment and struggle mightily. There are teenagers who are mild and complacently sitting, waiting for their number to be called. Finally, there are parents, sullen and quiet: fatigued from the journey we are all on.

Jada and I usually do not make it to the Morton exit (7 min down the highway) before she says, "Dad, I would like you to turn on and TURN UP Kari Jobe please." Now, if you are not aware, Kari Jobe is the consistent bright spot in Jada's trial. She is a Christian artist from Texas who has what Jada calls, "Jesus music - that makes me think about Jesus." So, this is how we choose to start our drive to the clinic each week. I never make it more than 15 minutes without crying. Today was no exception. Miss Jobe's song, "Healer" comes on and in the backseat is Jada - laying her head on the armrest staring blankly ahead dangling her hand up...her ever so slight hint that she desires to hold my hand. I reach around to the backseat and grasp her hand while we move down the highway, my eyes filling with tears as we approach clinic. My mind is full of beautiful memories we have made this past week with all the extra time we have had at home. How wonderful the time has been. I am reminded of one particular night...

Jada has an incision from her sternum to just above her bladder where the tumor was removed. She has had, since the surgery, steri strips (small bandage-like stripes) on her stomach that have needed to come off - but convincing a 5 year old to take off 27 bandaids in one sitting is quite like asking an elephant to tip toe, unlikely. However, last night she was in rare form and begged for them to be removed. After her bath, and three times a week I have to do a dressing change (where I change her entire bandage and clean her line site {the tube that comes out of her chest for chemo}). As we began taking off one strip at a time Jada winced with the predictable pain. Finally, as the last one came off she looked at her belly button for the first time since January 3rd.

The incision runs up to her belly button, then goes around it and below her belly button an inch or so. She glances at it and says, "Dad, it was so kind of the Doctors not to cut my belly button in half, and to put me asleep when the did the surgery because I don't think I could handle seeing me be cut wide open." "Do you think it hurt honey?" I said. She quips very quickly, "well, yes of course dad." I asked, "Jada, what do you think it was like for Jesus?" She looks into space and says, "it must have hurt worser than a poke (that would be a shot with a needle), and it really makes me very thankful that he did it to clean away sin. And dad, did you know, Jesus was awake until he died? I was in surgery when I slept - so I don't remember and I did not feel it because the Dr. gave me owie medicine. So, Jesus Really obeyed his daddy and loves us VERY much."

How does one add to perfect obedience, deep love, and unconditional forgiveness? The gospel was delivered at great cost and through deep pain - - - can I hope to escape it if the truth of the Gospel is to be riveted into the depths of my heart? Trials and suffering are Major, Necessary and Useful tools in God's toolbox of sanctification. Paul, in speaking to the church at Thessalonica, says of trials, "You know quite well that we were destined for them. In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know. For this reason, when I could stand it not longer, I sent to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter might have tempted you and our efforts might have been useless." (I Thess. 3:3-5).

We are learning daily that our faith is being challenged in ways we could not fabricate and in ways we never wish to repeat, but nonetheless we are being shaped for the Glory of God.

So, clinic finished up this morning with the pale news of Jada's blood counts (her over all ANC count which allows chemo to continue) being too low and our admission to the hospital being delayed yet another 3 days. Are we frustrated, yes. Are we weary of the commute to and fro with no progress to show, yes. Are we sorrowful yet rejoicing? YES - With Faith we are.

by the way, the picture was taken by simply charming photography in Tremont, IL on January 17th - prior to hair loss.