The Dime w/ Doug

Persecution

2012-01-10T14:49:00.000-06:00

Often my waking and my sleeping are in much peace these days, as is the case - to a large degree - with most of you reading this. Your morning routine may not be interrupted at all. The alarm is set and the largest thing most of us battle is the gumption to drag our bodies out of the comfortable, oversized bed we own.

Moving throughout the day we choose what we want for lunch, pick a spot to eat and accomplish nearly all we intend without so much as a slow internet connection to wrestle with.

We come home to dinner, sports, children's activities, and a host of other commitments. We thank the Lord for our food but our prayer seems rote and dry, "Lord, bless this food we are about to eat and thank you that we all have had a good day. Watch over us tonight and help us love you more, Amen." Every night. Same thing. What's missing?

Picture this if you will, you are a pastor of a thriving church in a relatively large city. God is doing some amazing things among the community of believers whom you shepherd. People are being changed from the inside out, the Spirit is on the move. Then, one morning you come to these seemingly obscure passages in the Bible:

Acts 5:41 "Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name."
John 15:21 "But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me."
I Peter 4:14 "If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."

A brief survey of your congregation reveals that growth is the result of such persecution. "What do you mean growth?" Watch the video (again if you haven't already).

Annual Rumbold Wrap Up

2011-12-24T23:26:00.002-06:00

I figured rather than write our annual Christmas letter I'd do it in pictures. A lot has happened since December 30th 2010 - so I reasoned that if a picture is worth a 1000 words this buys me a lot more space for expression.

In short: December 30th Jada was diagnosed with Clear Cell Sarcoma of the Kidney, January 3rd she had surgery, January 11th Pierce was born, January 13th she started chemo and radiation, January 20th Jada FINISHED radiation, March Jada celebrated her 6th birthday, June Jada broke her arm and got shingles from chemo treatment, July 9th Oliver celebrated his birthday, July 31st Jada FINISHED chemo August 17th Jada had her first day of school, October Jess, Jada, Ollie and myself were sent to Hawaii by Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Through it all God grew our faith, showed us family and their unwavering commitment, and illustrated how the church is to care for one another's burdens. God, without question, is Great!

Reaping in Joy

2011-10-28T16:28:00.000-05:00

"Linger, loiter, procrastinate, delay, wait, dawdle... hang around."

These are some of the synonyms one will find when they crack a thesaurus for the word "tarry." In Psalm 30:5 the writer speaks of anger and sadness. Anger in the opening words of the verse and sadness in the second half,

"For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."

The contrast in the poetry is a work of art and clearly the metaphor is apt in its description of the human heart. Yet one wonders, if God's favor is for a lifetime then what do we make of prolonged weeping that is tarrying for the night? How must one interpret the goodness of God in such times?

Nights are not forever:

We may shake our fists at God in anger if our night is lasting longer than originally anticipated. We may even question his goodness, shout at the ceiling or beat our heads against the wall - (consequently I have done all three). However, nights are not forever and this little fact has been cemented into my cold-as-steel intellect which shrouds my heart at times. It was Spurgeon who said, "When the Sun of righteousness comes, we wipe our eyes, and joy chases our intruding sorrow."

Nights have different origins:

A brief reading of Numbers 11-13 or Psalm 51 or any other number of Biblical stories will reveal that sometimes our nights originate as a result of sin or our response, attitudinally, to different circumstances. By way of contrast, they may well be cropping up from something we DO NOT choose. Take for example the great apostle Paul who prayed three times that the Lord would remove a thorn (some unknown affliction) from him but it was not granted.

God's grace OBLITERATES our nights:

Recently, as my children and wife were sleeping, I was sitting on a balcony in the early morning looking over a small bay in the Pacific Ocean. Eleven months ago we began to tarry for what felt like a long night. But thanks be to God, as the Psalmist says, "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of Joy" 126:5. Throughout our struggle we were literally overwhelmed by the love of family, friends, church, community, and many others we did not even know. The morning has dawned time and again for us and we are filled with Joy. There is not space here to accommodate all that many of you reading this have done for us. Which is to say all that God has done for us.

However...

There are still many who linger, loiter, hang around and in general just slide the lever of joy on the driveshaft up to the "park" position. This may be you and I know for certain that it has been me even since beginning of August. Our sin has caused grief, shame, and a number of other emotions that Satan is content to have dwell in us. However, the virtue that I extol is that of God's abundant love toward us in Christ Jesus. Paul says in Philippians 3:12 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already made perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own."

Did you catch that last part - Christ Jesus has made you His own? None of us has arrived, much less are we Fully Perfected, but Christ has made us His Own. There is great security and comfort in this fact alone; should my vision of Jesus wane my nights will tarry on. Should my vision of Christ increase, so will my awareness of his mercies over and against "my night." A little thing I like to call the "Covenant of Day" is helpful here. The writer of Lamentations describes it this way, "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Each morning there is reason enough to proclaim the favor, mercies and steadfast love of God. Would that our heart of hearts derive satisfaction in this.

The do-ability of Obedience

2011-09-24T15:08:00.000-05:00

Each morning we awake and go through the same routine that about 64 million (according to recent data) other school aged children and families go through. We get out of bed, put our pants on one leg at a time, eat breakfast, brush our teeth and head out the door. However, there's just one problem with this picture - we (as a people of God) were not called to be just a number. Sure, we must participate in this race like oversized rats running from one place to another - but there is great purpose and intentionality here for the one with eyes of faith.

How is it then, if we know we are called to so much more than minutia, do we miss the boat so-to-speak?

The other day I loaded Jada in the van to go to school. The conversation is usually rich on those mornings. About half way there I begin to pose questions about how she will interact with her peers that day at school, etc. We had been studying Colossians 3:1-4 that morning and had made some accompanying motions to have it "stick." As we were going over these motions and discussing the meaning of "setting your mind" we arrived at school. I dropped off Jada and headed home.

Three hours passed and I returned to pick up Jada at Maria Imig's house (thank you SO MUCH Maria). She hopped in the car and whipped out her journal. She carries a little notepad with doodlings of a six year old on her person every school day. This week she had been writing "poems" that are made into songs later on the piano at home. I glanced in the back seat and said, "Jada, what are you working on?" She reads what is posted above (Here is the translation if you can't read it: "Jesus is great, Jesus is good. He helps me just like God. We try to obey but we need help from Jesus. We can't do it ourselves, Jesus is our helper. He helps us obey him."

Now, before you are tempted to think this is an exaltation of Jada and her spiritual musings or Doug and Jessica's parenting skills - let me stop you IMMEDIATELY. The reason this little poem hit square in the heart was what I didn't share which happened just before we all loaded up in the car. We were running late through a combination of individual shortcomings of both Jada and I. We got to the door to leave and Jada "had to get something." I asked her to come... Then I yelled loudly and with a fair amount of anger in my voice. Jada burst into tears but went to the car. The first 10 minutes were SILENT. Jada sat holding my hand and whimpering. I was resolved not to be the first to speak.

I could only hold out so long with a self-justifying attitude of, "well, I am her father and she needs to listen to me when I give an instruction." I had shouted earlier, "why won't you just obey? Is it really that hard to go to the car when you are asked? Obey now and go to the car!" (picture Jessica wide-eyed and Oliver staring at me while all this is happening).

Now, here is the crazy part. Just that morning I had read a few chapters of Luke and Matthew 28. In both instances I was chewing on Jesus' words to his disciples, "...teaching them to obey (observe) everything I have commanded you and behold I am with you always..." I had given her the impossible task that morning, and I have done it often before - I look my children in the eye and tell them to obey without elaborating on the fact that it is Jesus who helps them to obey. We pawn off religion on our children and for that matter our church members when we seek an easy quick fix.

"Your behavior is the problem, not your heart."

That, folks, is religion. This is why I am thankful for the free gift of Grace in Christ Jesus and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. I have NO CHANCE on my own. This story should illustrate that fact clearly. People will often ask me, "How do you counsel someone with _____________ (fill in the blank with any sin issue imaginable)?" I will tell them, though as the story above indicates I struggle with it often, "I show them Jesus." In Luke 17:32 Jesus makes a startling statement, "Remember Lot's wife." In this statement we find a hint at what Jesus expects of us as his disciples and what he desires FOR us to be as Disciplemakers - It's as if he is saying, "Have a SINGULAR focus. Make it me."

The final 10 minutes of the car ride to school for Jada and I were wonderful. The Spirit convicted my heart of the sin present and I looked Jada in the eye and we had a moment of sweet forgiveness. We both cried, held hands and began talking through Colossians 3:1-4 together.

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How is normal?

2011-08-23T23:42:00.000-05:00

On August 17th, like many other parents, I loaded up the minivan and through teary eyes watched as our daughter set foot into yet another different environment. School. It was interesting to watch my wife of 7 years look through the salty lens of sadness and separation as Jada scampered into her new room. My mother took the time to watch the boys for this momentous occasion. Our hope was not to jump right into school for if Jada had experienced no delays in treatment she would have been finished with chemo in June not July 31st. This would have afforded a little more time between the old life and the new as it were.

Thankfully, this has proven to be yet another arena where we must trust God to do what we can't. Jada has adjusted well, for the most part, to school for those of you wondering. She does not like math and lacks the stamina to go full day so we pick her up at noon. Her teachers are wonderful and we are totally enjoying the banter of a 3 year old and a school girl at the table each night. Pierce, well, he just makes eyes at his momma :)

We have been advised to expose Jada to exercise and condition her body back to where it was pre-surgery. Since she lacks stamina, this is a tricky endeavor. Last week after dinner we decided to go for a family bike ride to the park and back. Its a short ride from our home and we assumed a safe one. Jada had tired legs but was still able to run around and chase Ollie as he climbed up and down the slide. It was, dare I say, "normal." Then, the unthinkable. Two young boys looked at her. One of them said, "Look, there's that bald girl." The other retorted, "yeah, I bet they call her baldy at school. Let's call her baldy. BALDY BALDY." (Thankfully, the staff at CLA in Hopedale, IL have tackled this issue head on and are so SENSITIVE to our concerns) Jada really did not seem to hear them and scampered off. Jessica, however, rose up with deep motherly love and flat rebuked those young boys. "No, actually, they do not call her that at school. In fact, its quite rude to say that..." The boys got the picture and just stared in disbelief at the now deeply saddened mother. I had been running to the bathroom and when I came back there was this look that Jess had in her eyes. She recounted the story with tears and with fury.

Later that night as we were putting the kids to bed, Jada was asked, "how did that make you feel that they called you baldy?" In a very matter of fact tone she said, "well dad, he was not really there so he doesn't know what happened to me. But mostly, it just makes me want to cry."

This caused me to think - a lot. Jess and I both just shed tears of sadness for her knowing that it has to be difficult to be a spectacle. But that is not why I wrote this - nor is it why I shared the story in the first place. Two very distinct things began to emerge in my thinking:

1. God has always been and will always be our defender and refuge. He is the perfect parent - there when we cannot be. Variables are a damning thing - they exist when you did not plan or intend on them and they often impede one's ability to stay the course. Psalm 18:2 is helpful in this regard. By definition a variable is something that is not consistent or not having a particular pattern.

2. This makes me treasure Jesus all the more precisely because he spoke for those who could not speak. (See Matt. 12:20). Why else do you think there is so much talk in scripture of the "fatherless, the widow and the orphan?" Have you ever thought about those people in more than just a passing way? Actually considered in the core of your being the following: what is my responsibility to the Fatherless, the widow and the orphan? or better yet the prostitute, the drug addict and the ex-convict. Its easy to avoid the likes of these and spew out something spiritual like "they just did not show commitment to the process or there was not enough thirst for God."Well, as I recall, in Romans 5:8 Christ loved me while I was still a sinner. The term could not be stronger - it might as well say, "while Doug was still a no good, lousy, arrogant, deceitful, jerk..." you get the picture.

It is sad when this happens, though it will not be much longer and she won't be that noticeable anymore - but that leads us to the title of the post, "How is normal?" You'd be surprised how many pose that question to me assuming thats what I want. Its fair, I suppose, and I have even talked of a "normal" schedule and retiring to life as it used to be. However, as I sat in a circle of men today discussing the disciplemaking genius of Jesus I realized something..

I don't want normal. Not now anyways. Don't get me wrong, there is a certain love affair we have with the predictable - but is that really what we are called to? I am coming to the conviction more and more that I don't want normal, I WANT JESUS! That means all the messed up potential-less people like myself have a hope.

So, if you are in with me - (especially you Tremont High School Student) who will you sit next to at lunch that was not the same as yesterday? Who will you invite into your home and just do the "normal" things of life with in a way that drips with Jesus-like intentionality?

!!!ALL CLEAR!!!

2011-08-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

There are days that I wake up refreshed. The clean and deep first breath of air is invigorating. The sun is just making its presence known outside, my coffee is hot, the pages of my bible ruffle and the children are asleep. These are good days.

However, this past Friday was not that day. Having finished Jada's scans the day prior and still without results was not a recipe for a peaceful day. Throughout the day there was this eerie little reminder of the phone call that had not come. On Thursday evening I had spent some time on the phone with Jada's oncologist and it seemed as though he was going to call me by noon with the results.

Finally, after I tried distracting myself with work stuff at the church it was time for the family to hop in the car and drive up to see Jada's friend (and obviously OUR friend) Cora Peters for her birthday. Cora just turned sixteen so insurance rates will soar, curfew will be more strictly enforced, and a driver's license will be had (driver's ed happens to be one of her presents). While driving north on IL-40 I glanced at my time, 5:00pm. "Hmmm, Jess do you think I should just call St. Jude to find out?" "I'm not sure," was the reply. Well thanks for clearing up any ambiguity I had. Not five minutes later my phone rang and the I.D. said "St. Jude Peoria."

In that moment there is little training one can endure which makes them steady and fully prepared. I looked at Jess and her face went white. I picked up the phone and Dr. Al said very quickly, "I just wanted to tell you that Jada's scans all returned clear. You may come back Tuesday for a follow up."

There is a particular diner in Peoria my wife enjoys mainly because they serve what her limited diet can actually consume; it is called One World. As one walks in from the front door there is a mural with what appears to be a greek god holding the world on his shoulders. In that moment of pure elation after hanging up the phone, I felt like that mural - taking the weight and tossing it to the side. I cried. As we drove down the road I hung up the phone and just cried.

A short while later we arrived at Cora's house. Jada and I did a brief little celebratory dance next to our van as I got her out. Over the next few hours we were family. We played football, ate dinner, had great conversation, and in general were just welcomed in by a family who is in the middle of this same trial we just exited, and at that - for their second round. After 9 months in remission Cora's cancer returned. Our utter joy is co-mingled with perseverant prayer. For while our scans were ALL CLEAR there are many for whom scans are not clear at all.

This is the great temptation and the tremendous parallel: a body lacking health mimics sin and its catastrophic effect - death. The temptation, once health returns is to run out and buy the first t-shirt that says "I beat cancer" and speak of the strength of this person or that in facing a trial. Folks, Jada is not strong, Cora is not strong, BUT they both WALK WITH THE ONE WHO IS! In our fast paced, over-stimulated, under-related culture we must never tire of displaying our dependence. We have needed the Peter's in the past few months just as much, if not more than they have needed us. But, when the day is done our first and most conspicuous dependence is on Jesus Christ!

Reasoning

2011-08-11T14:04:00.001-05:00

I had reasoned with my heart this morning.

You know how it goes - there is a big day in store, so you have this sort of inner-dialogue which goes something like this: "Heart, I know today is a big day and I know that you are considering getting all wrapped up in the difficulty or trauma that lays ahead. You may also want to feel a sense of isolation, as though you are all alone in the day's happenings. Don't! Be reasonable and whatever you do - please do not summon the tear ducts for aid in displaying the particular feeling you may be experiencing."

However, my heart is no respecter of these inner dialogues and the salty taste present on my tongue currently bears it out. I knew this. I knew as I awoke this morning that Jada was going to be having more scans - and that these scans are the ones which make me a little more nervous than usual. So there it is - I am NOT STRONG! I just wheeled Jada in to CT before she was sedated and she cried, looking at me with that desperation which I have become so accustomed to. I cried too. I leaned over her and prayed - whispering Psalm 46:1 in her ear, "God is our refuge and strength a very present help in trouble." And as I turned to walk out of the scan room - Jada safely asleep - I was reminded that my little inner-dialogue this morning was not so much a cry of self-preservation but a prayer for help (In an effort to drive this reminder further into my psyche - I write... N-O-W. It is the easiest way for me to process, so bear with me).

I had a renewed sense of the goodness and immanence of the Lord. Read all of Psalm 46 today and you will be amazed that on four separate occasions the author mentions the concept of presence leading to peace, stillness, and knowledge of who God genuinely is. So my heart rests in Him. Many are praying - there are even some that are enduring today in fasting for Jada (and our family).

So do my emotions just go away? No. They do not. I am still shedding tears as I consider her lying there and maybe more so because these are the scans which are supposed to reveal that Jada is COMPLETELY DONE with all treatment for cancer. I will further reason with my heart to consider the depth of truth found in Psalm 139:7-12 where the author wrestles down this concept that there is NO place one can hide from the presence of God. I can no more flee the presence of God's Spirit and be all alone than I can wake up tomorrow and looking at my body tell my skin to leave. It doesn't work that way. God is able to be called on; an ever-present help in times of trouble, BECAUSE He is near.

When in deep sin and disobedience to the Spirit - this works as conviction. When in times of trial this works as comfort. Right now I can conceive of nothing finer than the comfort of the Spirit of Jesus Christ the Living God!

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A Promise Made A Promise Kept

2011-08-01T23:57:00.001-05:00

I took out my phone and snapped a picture of the last bag of chemo as it arrived in the room. Not really the emotional response I was figuring on. However, the inner elation was unreal. It's almost as if my mind had to convince my heart that this was a big deal.

LAST BAG OF CHEMO

Well, it wasn't long until my heart realized its bluff had been called and it put all its cards on the table. That moment came during the post hydration phase - after chemo is infused Jada must receive 2 hours of IV fluids to flush her only remaining kidney. Chemo started around 2:00pm - infused for 1/2 hour and then Jada had post hydration.

Jada, the whole day, was blissfully unaware of the approaching magnitude. That is until about 15 or so minutes were showing on the screen of her IV unit. She began to get a little slap happy and bouncing around.

At exactly 11 minutes remaining SHE GOT IT!

My heart was reminded of the valleys, which on account of their depths had kept hidden the certain hope awaiting us. Jada too was reminded and in what I can only describe as a surreal moment her eyes locked with mine . . . and they told a story. A story of height, depth, length, breadth, and width of a Father's love - your love oh LORD!

At exactly 11 minutes remaining Jada locked eyes with me, climbed up onto my lap, and her head just caved into my chest. I read all of Psalm 136 as a prayer of thanksgiving. Then, for the remaining ten minutes or so I rocked her in my arms and we both just cried. That same familiar phrase chanted SO MANY times throughout this began again, like waves on a beach - slow, methodic, inviting and overall just therapeutic - "Jesus is our strength" flowed off my tongue.

Jada's last to-do list

You, Father, have kept your promise. You are near to the broken hearted, the humble, and the afflicted. Thank you. There is still a lengthy journey ahead but with you a promise made is a promise kept.

With

2011-07-29T23:37:00.003-05:00

"We approached the pre-operation room with a fair bit of trepidation, who doesn't? But we knew going into that it was going to be a difficult ordeal. "Ok," you say, "it's gonna be hard." So, Jessica and I wheel our lovely 5 yr old back to the room and begin to tell her stories. A line of different doctors come to see her. You can see it in her eyes and witness her body language. The time is drawing near. Just moments before our daughter goes under the knife to have what later would be known as a "huge" tumor (10 inches x 6 inches) removed she motions for me to come near. Her tiny little body is covered in blankies and all the comforts we can afford physically while her heart is held up in prayer. As I get right next to her lips - she whispers soft and gently, "Daddy, I don't want to cry." and then she begins to briefly shed a few tears."

These were the words first shared on this blog as I set out to chronicle the journey of our daughter's fight for life. Tonight I sit in a chair just a few feet away listening to her labored breathing - noticing that her and her doll have matching outfits - one would expect nothing less. The significance of this day cannot be overstated. You see, on December 30th, 2010 Jada was diagnosed with kidney cancer and shortly thereafter we were informed that it would be about an 8 month journey of surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. Now we are just two more infusions away from being finished with treatment, tomorrow and Sunday (July 30, 31st).

Eight months on nearly any other terms seems so doable and like a drop in the bucket of time so-to-speak. In fact, the whole thing (8 months actually being a relatively short time versus how the time felt) reminded me a quote Kramer had in a Seinfeld episode years ago. In the span of eternity it is literally next to nothing. In the reality of our hearts it was FAR longer. When someone tells you that they had an experience that was emotionally draining. . . believe them.

So what is it about this experience that has got me thinking in ways that I never have before? Prior to this, it was easy for me to shuffle someone's suffering into the deep recesses of my heart and dig it up in some rote prayer or small display of compassion - not always, but it did happen. Now, I must confront the idea that this whole trial: the surgery, the chemo, the vomiting, the fevers, the blood transfusions, the broken arms, the radiation, and the mortality - the constant draining and heart-deadening weight of thinking in terms of life or death for your firstborn - is ending. Sure, there will be days ahead of anxiety or fear: every three months for two years, etc. where scans and blood tests will be done (with cancer you are never really done). But largely, this trial has run its course.

I know the reader of this is thinking, "Doug, get a grip - your family seems to have been the target since January of many trials...don't you WANT this to end?" Yes, I do, make no mistake. I want this to be done - I long for waking and going to work and coming home. But that is not what I'm talking about when it comes to what I must confront. I am confronting the fact that I have conversations with many folks for whom there is not a foreseeable closure to the suffering.

I think of a woman down the hall whose son is experiencing what we did just a month back - it all seemed so distant until the reality of it looked me in the eye and spoke tenderly of her family and the toll it's taking on them. I think of my dear friend Cora and her family - fervent though they be in prayer many hurdles remain. They are coming to grips with the kindness of severity - that He is known best when He is needed MOST. I think of another little girl named Jada who has a rare and challenging cancer, and her parents really love Jesus. My mind is captured by all of the faces and my heart riveted to the core by the stories which accompany them. For many suffering continues - and it may for my family again.

Psalm 119:67 "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word."

When all is considered there is a side of me that struggles mightily with ease. Essentially, it is the knowledge that there is suffering (or apathy, stubbornness, laziness) still on the prowl while I am enjoying the blessings and kindness of God. C.H. Spurgeon once said, Why is it that a little ease works in us so much disease? Can we never rest without rusting? Never be filled without waxing fat?"

In Philippians 1:18-30 the Apostle Paul experienced something similar. He was at the point of immanent death and desired to be done with the trial. However, he knew it was more beneficial to remain with them for their "progress and joy" in the faith. I can say with UTTER confidence that the Lord has walked WITH us every step of the way in this journey (as have many of you). So, as with Spurgeon I will question ease for it usually means one of two things in my life: either I am forging out on my own in a particular area outside of the precious Christian community the Lord designed for me to walk in OR there is a lack of trial and suffering which would throw me helplessly on my PRESENT Savior.

I can rejoice that Jada is finishing her treatment but my prayer is that His presence maintain my vigilance with regard to those suffering a life lived without Jesus.

***Quick note - An acquaintance of mine has written a new book entitled "With: Reimagining the way you relate to God." It will be available in late August - but you can check out the 1st chapter for free HERE - the author's name is Skye Jethani. ***

Please post any comments or thoughts you have - you never know, someone may be encouraged to deepen their relationship with God as a result.

His Design In Nearness

2011-07-17T23:13:00.000-05:00

"I pray that Dad has a good day at clinic tomorrow, that I would be good at clinic, and that Dad would preach your word the WHOLE time we are there - Amen!"

This would be Jada's latest prayer tonight just as we were putting her to bed. It rings true because today was my first chance to publicly proclaim the goodness of God and the encouragement received from so many from the pulpit. After not preaching for over half a year I was finally able to loose these lips and not be restrained to a keystroke for my catharsis. Of particular blessing today was the fact that my wife was also able to express some of what God has taught her by singing to songs...the singing was angelic. It honored God because it made much of him.

You can listen (or add it to your podcast) by going here (Doug Rumbold's Podcast) you can also download one of Jessica's songs (she sang with her sister) by clicking here (Finally I Surrender)

Enjoy.

Reverence Demands Disclosure

2011-07-05T15:28:00.002-05:00

Horizons are important, but they can be misleading. This little reality has been crystallized in my heart over the past couple of days.

Briefly: Jada's blood tests and many other exams indicated that she must have her central line removed (the iv line that was installed during her initial surgery for the administration of chemo). This happened on Saturday. This was difficult as she was sedated and still able (though to a small degree) to feel things. It happened this past Saturday the 2nd of July. Jess and I were then confronted with decisions. "What is God trying to tell us in this?" You see, she must have either a central line or a pic line to have her chemo administered. With only two more scheduled stays in the hospital for chemo one can appreciate our dilemma: call it quits or finish treatment.

I labored in prayer.

Last night as the day (the day we must decide for certain) was approaching I decided "I am going to bed early and waking early for some time with Jesus before Jada wakes." I got ready for bed and decided 11:30 would be my target (yes that's early here at the hospital). I picked up my prayer journal and felt convicted to flip back to December 29th, 2010. 11:30 came and went like an impatient cab driver on the crowded streets of Manhattan. It was more like 12:30 when I finally put down the journal, after many tears had been shed. Here was the overwhelming conclusion:

Trusting God looks different when read through the strokes of a pen by someone who has nothing left to hold to. Now, I'm going to be using a huge word here, robust with theological implications: God doesn't just want our "biggies."

As I read through those journal entries my heart was wrangled up by my lack of trust and level of fear lately. While laboring in prayer I just assumed the only thing I was to pray about was Jada and the answer we most urgently needed. However, as the Spirit comforted/counseled me (in John 16:7 Jesus promises to send the Spirit and one of his roles will be comforter/counselor) and I began to grasp with clarity the following from God: Maybe Jada's line infection and removal was not designed to be a sign from Me that you should stop treatment now. Have you considered that maybe this is a very stout little test of your faith to continue in what I had clearly laid before you at the beginning of January?

You see, in Isaiah 40:13 states, "Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord, or what man shows him his counsel?" To revere rightly means that I release what I do not understand or that which I struggle with and cast it into his very capable hands.

Immediately as I woke this morning I called my wife and told her of how God had pressed this on my heart and confessed that I had not been trusting him. I shared with her all the instances in my journal where I disclosed fear, concern, doubt, frustration, confessed sin, etc.

There are yet difficult days ahead - and that is the danger in horizons. In one sense they present an ever changing canvas of where the earth's surface meets the sky. There is no hope in that. In another sense they are dangerous because they present something that is immanent - as in "danger is just over the horizon." However, there is yet a third nuance in the meaning of "horizon" I wish to explore. That is, "to broaden one's understanding."

If you and I only approach God with the colossal issues and not the mole hills of doubt, spilled juice, heated conversations with our spouses, tear in the fabric of our shirt, length of a stoplight, concern of how we'll adjust in a relationship if we open up, lack of sleep, lack of money, excess of money, tinge of pride, fear of reprisal, lack of earnestness in prayer and the study of the Bible, or any number of other issues - we are at risk of looking toward horizons for hope. This, make no mistake, is risky business for its aiming at a moving target. OR the other horizon-oriented option would be to seek the avoidance of immanent danger. Here you are at risk of viewing God only as punitive and not grace filled. This we all do (or have done) to our own peril.

The third and best option is expansion. God means things for your GOOD Christian! Do you really believe that with EVERY fiber of your Spiritual Being - for we are first Spiritual and then Physical (I Cor. 2:14-16)? God has wrought Good from this whole thing with Jada - in my heart and in the hearts of many reading this. And this, co-laborer in Christ, is why we can move with confidence to have a pic-line installed, begin chemo tomorrow night (Wednesday July 6th), and finish the course of action the Lord set before us originally.

I will say with conviction one last time: If you revere HIM that demands you disclose to Him EVERYTHING - not just stuff you cannot handle. This is my means of conviction right now, I MUST stop praying within my own means to provide. It's not that my prayers are not large enough, that is a logical fallacy rendering my prayer life ineffective. My prayers are not small enough. What about your prayers - Too large or Too small?

The Restoration of Adoration

2011-07-01T00:25:00.007-05:00

Although the video is funny its aim is to illustrate the very thing my heart has wrestled with, and if truth were to be the modus operandi, that which has wrought tears in me even as I pen these words. You see, there are vile wicked thoughts that float through this head and maintain residence there. It has been hard these past two days and I am sure if you are the casual reader of this blog you know what I am saying. So, for those who aren't here it is:

Jada and I went in for a chemotherapy treatment on the 13th of June. It was supposed to be 3 days at the hospital. We were there for 4. We went home on Thursday the 16th for about 6 hours when Jada awoke from a nap in severe pain...shingles. Back to the hospital again - the same day we were released. We stayed until the 22nd of June. This past Monday she awoke with headaches and we had to bring her to visit the Dr. for some neurological exams. She passed these and they took a blood sample for safety and sent us home. Tuesday night about midnight the Dr. called and said that Jada's blood revealed a bacterial infection. Nice. Back to the hospital on the 29th. They tell us once they figure out what bacteria it is it should only take 7-10 days of treatment, you guessed it, all in the hospital. All of this precedes the fact that her next 5 day treatment of chemo is to begin on July 5th. If all follows their predictions - that could effectively be 21 out of 26 days in the hospital. Yikes.

The crazy thing is, I am not even that upset about the hospital stays - though they are long and sleepless for both Jada and I. I am grieved at what my heart is displaying while here, selfishness and discontentment. My tone with Jada has been less than Godly - not that she's been an angel, but both of us are clearly still works in progress. Tonight we read a story and lay on her bed just cuddling before bed. The nurse walks in and Jada grabs my arm and says, "Dad, TELL HER!" "Tell her what?" I say as if I don't know what our mantra has been since day one. "TELL HER about JESUS!" So, casually I look at her and exclaim - "My daughter wants me to tell you about Jesus. But I am certain you are aware by now of where we stand." She glances at me and says, "yes, quite sure." To which I respond, "well, if you have time, and would like to talk about Jesus, I'm here all night."

How lame! What? I don't want to tell you about the person who makes intercession for us and is himself our righteousness? Is it too much of a burden when I am tired to speak the name that gives me life and vitality? That whole discussion with the nurse ended and she walked out. I began thinking about Paul in I Timothy when he says, "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment..."(ESV) The cavernous depths of my dark soul were illumined by this one thought, "I am content, but lacking godliness." Godliness is defined as "having great reverence for God; pious." I sat at the side of Jada's bed, hands laid on her in prayer and sought the restoration of adoration.

"Why?" one may ask. The reason is twofold. One, without reverence contentment quickly morphs. The shape it takes faster than one realizes is contempt. One sees that contempt for God and His purposes results in damages not only to oneself, but to those near to them: Hebrews 12:15 - "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (NIV)." Secondly, without godliness accompanying my contentment, I am at risk - and I would even confess - to having grieved the Spirit. Psalm 139:24 says, "And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

Thankfully, my tears are not in vain. There is hope for the repentant soul - and I would argue the same for you reader. Does your contentment lack godliness OR vice versa. Graciously His Spirit is in the business of revelation without devastation. My heart is not devastated because its anchor is firm and secure. The Goal is Christ, My Father is GOOD, His Spirit Leads me.

Add your thoughts below by posting a comment for others to chew on and be blessed by. Think on it... Do you Desperately need the Restoration of Adoration?

Father's Day of a Different Kind

2011-06-19T08:40:00.001-05:00

Psalm 103:13 "As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him"

Remember when you were younger how big your dad's hand was? I can remember with utter clarity that hand. It was firm when needed, it was gentle and guiding when necessary, but most importantly - it was there... always. Now, I realize there are many reading this who may not have a father or had a good experience with their father - I urge you to consider a man who simply loved you.

This is my father - a loving man, a little rough around the edges, but hey he had to be as a father of eight. Above you will notice a picture of him with Jada the day before her surgery (Jan. 2nd 2011). Memories like these abound. As I woke this morning in the hospital lying next to my daughter who is presently here because of a case of the shingles after having chemo I got to thinking... "this is not the father's day I desired." I began to reminisce about my father - how he LIVES his life and the example that has set not only for me, but SO MANY.

Briefly, here are a few of the thoughts provoked by meditating on Scripture as it related to my father that I think will be useful for all of us today: - Each of these was first put forward by God as the best dad -

A good dad is humble - knowing that God provides wisdom for him and he passes that wisdom to his children (Prov. 4:3-4).
A good dad is there - in our culture of a quick buck and overtime, nicer cars and a larger home. We forget the primary role of a good dad is to be present. Presence speaks many things over worried heart (Hebrews 13:5-6).
A good dad sacrifices - A good dad demonstrates his love by sacrifice - in many ways (Romans 5:8).
A good dad disciplines his children - Here is a concept that has gotten muddled in our day. Its even been peddled off as abuse. However, when performed biblically, it provides security and identity for the recipient and is in fact one of THE MOST LOVING things a dad can do (Hebrews 12:4-11).
A good dad sends - a good dad realizes that one of his primary, God-ordained roles is that of disciplemaking in his children and wife. Therefore, a good dad does not hoard his children solely for his enjoyment, he sends them into the world as proclaimers of Christ's gift of salvation (John 20:21).

With all these things said, I cannot help but consider a friend of mine, David Peters. He's celebrating Father's Day with the looming decision of what's best for his daughter. That's hard no matter how you slice it. David is a father of four with the weight of the world on his shoulders at the moment. His daughter Cora - whom we have become very close to - is a cancer patient whose recently experienced some setbacks in treatment. Now, David and his wife Karen have some HUGE decisions to make.

I am proposing two things here: One, I am choosing to fast and pray for them tomorrow (that is the day when the decisions will need to be made) for wisdom, guidance and a fresh experience of God's never-leaving, never-giving up, always-and-forever love in the form of peace. Secondly, I urge you to CLICK HERE to visit Cora's caring bridge site and join me in fasting and praying for a family tomorrow.

Eventful VS. Eventual

2011-06-17T22:25:00.007-05:00

I will tell you from experience after four days spent in a hospital, an eight hour break is not what you had in mind. That being said, its not one of those negotiable matters in life upon which you may impose your will. So - here goes, again.

Thursday (June 16th) we had the absolute pleasure of leaving the hospital after having a four day stay for chemo. We were barely down the road when Jada started coughing and crying in the backseat. To spare you the details, what followed was my first experience of maintaining the speed limit, staying in my own lane and managing to keep vomit off the seats of my pristine 1998 Olds by way of a collector's popcorn tin (Chicago Bears of course). That was the drive home. Cancer and its treatment always has the capability to throw curveballs which rival any professional in the majors right now.

We arrived home and Jada was not herself. After coaxing her to eat a piece of sweet corn for lunch she practically put herself down for a nap. She awoke screaming. "Not cool," you think as a parent - you would be right. This, however, is not uncommon. Jada to wake crying. What was unusual about this particular episode was simply that of the level of her screaming and apparent pain. Not constant, but major in moments. I called her oncologist and he asked to see her right away. Long story made very short - Jada was immediately re-admitted with a bad case of the shingles. We caught them early - thank the Lord - but there is much pain involved for her. And, the looming threat of yet another unplanned stay at the children's hospital of Illinois.

Once admitted we quickly settled in and are doing as well as can be expected. When I asked Jada today what it feels like (you must know that it hurts mainly when it is touched) she replied by saying, "It feels like someone is standing there with a knife poking it into my side and cutting me." I thought, "wow, that's way too specific to be made up." So, I taker her word for it.

So what now? What are we to make of such things? God's goodness is not lost in such times. We have already had ample opportunity to honor the name of Jesus and speak the Gospel into the lives of those we are coming in contact with. We truly are loving the nursing staff and all their efforts.

You may say, "this is just too much for Jada (and her family)!" Don't. Don't for a minute think that Jess and I have gotten through to this point with some magic formula or cleverly devised scheme which gives just the right amount of poise when necessary. We are where we are PRECISELY because of Jesus. The Apostle Paul speaks of this in I Cor. 15 - God's grace does not nullify our toil and striving - it actually gives them great purpose. We are, by God's grace, redeeming the time. Today Jada and I read (listened) to half of the book of Acts to help her see that those who love Jesus STILL SUFFER and to remind me of the same.

The crux of the matter is this if you believe in Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior: do you focus on the eventful or the eventual? Read those words carefully, because when the Spirit gave them to me today as I read through Titus and Philippians (in particular ch. 3) I was immediately comforted. This IS OUR AGE to experience trial, suffering, famine, nakedness, peril, danger, sword, bankruptcy, strife and all manner of difficulty. That is precisely what makes our lives so eventful right now. Believe it or not - there WILL BE a time when this is most assuredly not the case. Eventually, we will see Jesus face to face - our bodies will be restored, and our joy and crown will be to glory in Him all the day long.

Does it stink right now? You bet. But, I don't have to plant that in Jada's fertile little mind now do I? I can speak life to her through the WORD of God.

Click the "Post a comment" button below and weigh in with your "Eventful VS. Eventual" thoughts.

No Victorious Rival

2011-06-13T16:25:00.004-05:00

It catches you by surprise, the pursuit of a relentless Savior.

I fired up the car with a fair bit of excitement and began a conversation with Jada as we drove out of town. The words we share back and forth remind me of the maturing trajectory the Lord has designed for all of us since December 30th - (it really has been that long since d-day: that's diagnosis day).

Consider then, the phone call I placed that launched my heart into spontaneous praise: Jada and I are driving down the Knoxville Ave. in Peoria, IL going to meet with the orthopedic surgeon about her broken arm (see both pics illustrating God's goodness in the FULL HEALING of her arm as her cast was removed today). We were approaching Peoria Imaging - the site of the first ultrasound & MRI which revealed the football sized mass in her abdomen. That was on December 30th. The closer we came to the location I began to uncontrollably sob. I called my wife and told her I was passing the Imaging center and that I was crying - she shared my sentiments with that day of discovery.

That is not unusual - to have a location or landmark of some sort trigger an emotion that can overwhelm you (anyone who has experienced loss, or is in the midst of a deep trial will agree). What was unusual is that just this morning I was reading and writing (handwriting the book of Romans) Romans 8...specifically verses 38-39 and noticing that 38 begins with "For I am sure..." and verse 39 ends with "...of God in Christ Jesus." It became clear in that moment that God's love has NO VICTORIOUS RIVAL - for Jesus Pinned them ALL to the Cross with His perfect obedience!

What a source of Praise! A steadfast and loving creator who not only cares for His own but pursues them with a love that cannot be overtaken by anything in all creation. The sensation experienced is not unlike God's words to Job in 38:8-11. God has prescribed limits and said, "this far you shall come and no further."

What causes me to erupt in praise despite the fact that today was: one dr appointment to have a cast removed, bloodwork at the clinic, admission to the the pediatric critical care ward, and eventual chemo (to begin about 9pm tonight)? I could easily list a hundred things- but bursting to the fore is this view that God has set limits and he has brought us a LONG WAY since December 30th. All of this rests on the firm foundation that is the Gospel - the furthering of His Kingdom and the dispensation of His grace by the "word of our testimony." In short - it is founded on Hope. A hope that does not disappoint.

Follow this link: www.jadashope.com to read a little more about HOPE that does not disappoint. While you're there you'll notice the site was created because a great friend of mine, Dan Estes is running a half marathon to honor Jada.

Actions in Truth = LOVE!

2011-06-04T14:26:00.007-05:00

Its amazing the support that comes when the option for life flees.

In the early stages our Dr. had warned us, "your daughter will likely act much different with attention." She has and does. Hence our concern for how she would handle the ABSOLUTE BLESSING that Friday June 3rd was. Hundreds of people coming to show their support physically by going to City Park in Tremont, eating food, playing music, selling baked goods, playing on bouncers, having a hillbilly olympics (Only in Tremont by the way), and going to a swim party to cap it off.

So, we spent the week praying with and over Jada and Oliver in the hopes that they would be gracious and thankful for everything that was done for us. Michelle Monk was the quasi-mastermind behind the whole event. Which is to say she was more or less helped organize it. It was fueled by students. Can you believe it! High school students ... you know ... teens. They often get accused of being apathetic, lazy, (insert the adjective). That could not be FURTHER from the truth last week. We found that they were passionate, hard working, and deeply caring.

In an earlier post I spoke of at least three things which have sustained us in this journey: Christ, community, and confession. It is Tim Chester and Steve Timmis in their book Total Church who say, "we are called to a dual fidelity, Gospel and Community." Community, in the truest sense is fleshed out for us in Acts 2 where the author tells us that the community was "together and had all things in common and shared as any had need." Jessica and I believe firmly that the depth of love we have experienced is first God's design in nearness, secondly its a byproduct of faith in Jesus, and thirdly - its one of the characteristics of Tremont as a community. However, none of it happens without the first element that Chester and Timmis propose - Gospel.

It is the good news of Jesus: His life on earth carried out in perfection, His death on the cross as an act of perfect obedience, and His resurrection to deliver the Holy Spirit. Truly, when Christ said, "greater love has no man than this - that he lay down his life for his friends" He MEANT it at the deepest level. So it is with Jessica and I. Many have said, "we love you and are praying continually for you." I John 3:18 says, "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and truth." We have experienced the Gospel worked out in Community not simply because Tremont is a great town to live in (though we don't deny it) BUT because there are MANY in Tremont who take seriously this notion that God - through the Gospel compels us to live in Community... and things like the Party in the Park are a natural outflow of Gospel intake.

Now, to the reader who reads this and thinks community at this level is of a bygone era: have you considered what life would look like if we lived like this always? Consider, for a moment, just Northfield Christian Fellowship - the church where I serve as youth pastor - is it not possible that the entire body be sold out to the transforming power of the Gospel? If they be sold out to that, what then becomes of their lives? Well, they are shared. Shared in the deepest sense - warts and all. Knowing that it is not how I appear to you - to be controlled in fear or people pleasing, but that in God my righteousness is found. How free would you be to love recklessly (not without discernment or wild abandon, but with actions and in truth), to share authentically, and to walk faithfully?

Our (The Rumbold Family) view of God's love has been irreparably influenced by the Gospel in action through community. Would you not desire the same? Why is Christianity not lived like this from day to day? post your thoughts below - is this blog helping you to understand Gospel and Community? My prayer is that it is a service to your understanding of Jesus Christ!

Few things...

2011-05-26T15:32:00.004-05:00

What is it the draws to your attention that pit in your stomach? I know of a few things in my life: driving on the highway and passing a patrol car parked in a strategic spot, saying something vile and realizing just moments too late that I wished I'd never said it (seek out my wife for examples), and jumping of cliffs or out of airplanes (I've done both...but it was a while ago). These are all terrible and gripping for sure, but there is one that supersedes them all: it would be the sound of vomit taking you out of a dead sleep.

Oddly, this last one is a fairly regular experience (about once every 3 weeks). However, considering the fact that many other patients deal with this A LOT more than us, we have nothing to complain about. So, "why write about it Doug?" The reason is threefold: one, for the Glory and fame of God. Two, for the encouragement of others seeking Christ as a refuge of trust. Finally, for my own catharsis.

Here is the breakdown: I am asleep at about 6am when I hear a few tears and some rustling about. I stay in a light sleep mode. Jada then cries out for me and simultaneously vomits all over. Then the tears come. Profuse tears. It is hard to watch - many times I have been there, sitting next to her holding the bag and rubbing her back. But this one is particularly difficult as she struggles to an upright position getting used to her newly casted arm. We pray. We thank God while praying that it is not too overwhelming. Then we clean things up. While she is still crying, she asks for a rag and cleans her face off. Finally, she looks up at me with those eyes... those eyes have been telling all kinds of stories for 6 years now. Sometimes the stories are full of anger, sometimes sad, sometimes determined - but at all times they are beautiful. This time, however, they are sad and determined.

She glances up and says, "Dad, I just wanna put on a new outfit." The picture you see is moments after I agreed and we worked out the details.

God has spared us of MUCH during her treatment and provided many blessings - and "many" is kind of like a baked potato without any of the fixings, it just lacks. However, God allows things like a broken arm in the middle of chemo to help us endure with patience. Colossians 1:11 says "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy..." He allows vomiting and financial pressure, relational disharmony, and all kinds of things to help us endure with patience that we might find Joy.

So, as I put Jada in the bath today and we talked - those conversations are always so lucid - she opened up. She explained to me that she cleaned her cast with soap and water. Then, fixing her eyes on it, she says, "guess that's why Jesus gave us this (and knocks on the cast)." "What do you mean sweetie?" "Well, you know dad, to trust that He knows what he's doing and to read the Bible." "Jada, I want you to know without a doubt, that God does know what He's doing - the Bible tells us so."

Romans 15:4 says - "For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."

So, where ever you are right now - THERE IS HOPE! It comes at a premium though.

Feel free to post what it is that you are enduring so that I may pray for you - OR just post that you'd desire prayer.

Forsaking and Finding

2011-05-19T07:52:00.010-05:00

Ruth was a woman of principle. A woman of deep sorrow and pain, but a woman of principle. Read the story in the book that bears her name (it's only 4 chapters and is well worth your time). Naomi (her mother-in-law) was a woman that had every intention of helping others around her see that God had dealt bitterly with her, "Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, (which means bitter) for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full and came back empty..." Ruth 1:20-21. Now, if you read the whole story you will see the kindness and providence of God and how it ultimately steers Naomi back to his loving arms... a picture and promise of sovereignty.

But, for the moment, lets focus our attention on Ruth. In Ruth chapter one we learn that Ruth was married for about ten years and never bore children...they did not have the big debate we do these days. You know, "how long are you going to wait to have children?" One of the purposes of marriage (this remains today, yet is clouded by the Western ideal of "me first") in those days was propagation - so ten years of marriage with no fruit to show was particularly hard. Add to this the fact that her husband dies, so does her brother-in-law, and her father-in-law. At this point, Ruth could easily have said, "alright, well I gave that life a run and it was unsuccessful. Mom, dad, I hope you have a room for me, cause I am moving back home!"

Ruth, however, chose not to go the customary route and head back to all that was familiar, safe and inviting. Her heart, I believe, was aching for her mother-in-law who had endured the same losses as Ruth only from Naomi's vantage point they seem almost vindictive.

So, Ruth forsook her biological family - not in a "I'm done with you" sort of way, but more in a "whom else does Naomi have" sort of way. Let's be clear that Ruth was not acting as a mode of salvation to Naomi she was just identifying with and coming alongside her.

Ruth 2:12 states "The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!" This is a pivotal statement in the book. The picture this verse creates in the mind of the weary is like that of an Oasis of Hope while in the desert of despair. Sometimes the Christian life is on those terms. You may find yourself grasping at straws praying, begging, hoping, that one of them leads to some sort of solace or refuge.

What exactly did Ruth find in her forsaking? Well, she found a hand of providence that seemed bitter if the end were not known. She found blessing in obedience. She found herself in the direct line of the King of Kings. Most of all - she found a REDEEMER!

I beseech you come under the wings of God for refuge. Not for the blessings but for the comfort it is to know He has His hand in every detail. This week our family had the joy of hosting, for a short time, Chris Koelle and Will Parker. Chris is the artist of the Job book (here's a link to the book for sale and Chris' website) Jada and I read in the hospital which has had such profound impact on our family. Having discovered Jada and her condition, along with the affinity she has for art - these two gentlemen made a HUGE effort that blessed and encouraged us beyond adequate description.

Jess and I may not be a picture of Ruth (in commitment or obedience) but Ruth's story of refuge under the wings of God makes for stories like these in our lives. Seek refuge under the wings of God, find a redeemer and be written into the story of God as one of His children and a co-heir with his Son.

Forsake Ease, Find Jesus!

Just my bunny

2011-05-11T07:15:00.005-05:00

Yesterday marked what most would label a milestone. One could easily look at it and say, "milestone, marker, landmark" or any of a thousand metaphors - but pure and simple - it was a momentous occasion and cause for review in the journey.

Here it is: Yesterday Jada received her last scheduled outpatient chemotherapy infusion! This means from now until August she will receive chemo only while in the hospital and at that every 2-3 weeks depending on her blood levels.

The picture shows Jada at the very beginning of the journey we have been on now since December 30th, 2010 - the day of her diagnosis with Kidney Cancer. If you click on the image to make it bigger, you will read the text - Psalm 40:9-10. A dear friend made (thank you Tyler Thompson) this picture for me as a reminder... I thought this morning might be a good opportunity to unload that on you, the unsuspecting reader, what that "reminder" is.

Psalm 40:9-10:

⁹I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O LORD. ¹⁰I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.

To suffer without purpose or direction is to walk through life not knowing Jesus! To suffer and know the present comfort (one of the functions of the Holy Spirit listed in John 14-16...by the way, this is a great discourse on all the Spirit is - not what we make him to be) of the Spirit is to KNOW the salve or balm-like nature of God's sovereignty. Let me put it this way: how many of us will readily place our trust in that which will disappoint us, even in the short term? The answer, MANY - if not all of us will do this.

"My spouse would never treat me unkind, my kids will always respect my wishes, my job will always be here, I am well known at school or work and people like me, if I roll up my sleeves and just work hard then this or that will happen, we have set up a nice nest egg for retirement that will sustain us," etc etc etc.

The writer of Hebrews is clear that Jesus is the sure and firm anchor for our soul which will NEVER disappoint - the only one we can ever hang our hopes on and find them realized. From the very beginning with Jada God has given grace and mercy in helping us realize this trial is not about us. We have the happy tune of God's deliverance and salvation whistling from our lips - though there have been times of sadness, self-pity, and complaining. Since my first blog post on this new life of ours at the beginning of January, Jess and I have endeavored to "not restrain my (our) lips" regarding the deliverance and faithfulness of God. A simple fact Jada brought to light just yesterday as we traveled to clinic.

Each time we leave the house go to the clinic we spend the first half of the ride praying and talking through fears or concerns for that day. It was hard to keep the smile off my weary lips as I said, "Jada, do you know what today is?" She says blithely, "clinic, why dad?" "Jada, today is your LAST outpatient CHEMOTHERAPY!" The words dance off my tongue with a sweetness only Jesus can cause. "What do you think about that sweetie?" Three words that indicate the work the Spirit has been up to in her little heart rolled out, "God did it" she yells.

I look in the rearview mirror and ask her, "well, if God did that, what should we tell people?" She locks her eyes with mine and states with conviction, "we should tell them."

Clinic and the rest of the day went much as it always does... some screaming children here and there, no real schedule - just a lot of waiting, blood drawn, weight taken, height checked, heart listened to, crafts done, conversations had, lunch consumed (a celebration lunch considering the day of course), back home, played outside, shot given (Jada receives an injection daily to help with her blood levels), and finally, BEDTIME! I am lying in bed with Jada reviewing the day and reading a little to her. After prayer and a kiss on the forehead she looks at me and places one hand on my cheek. Intently she says, "Dad, did you tell anyone about Jesus today at clinic?"

"Yes sweetie, I did," was followed by a brief account so Jada would know what I meant. "What about you Jada, did you tell anyone about Jesus?" "Just my bunny," she remarks. "Really, what did you tell him?" "I didn't tell, I sang - I sang him a song," was her reply. "I see, what song was that honey?" "I made it up, it was about God being good."

You see, ever since the beginning our prayer has been for deliverance. Our picture of what that is has been eroded, destroyed, and rebuilt. We are learning always that just as important as prayer is acceptance. Acceptance of the deliverance that God, in his Sovereignty, chooses to supply you with. We have (and continue to) experience deliverance in Christ, community and confession.

In Christ it is the present comfort that his sacrifice and gift of the Spirit gives. In community our nuclear families and the church body have upheld and encouraged us. In confession it is the place of brokenness which has a twofold declaration: one, God's word is ALL we can hang on to. Two, confessing sin and ineptitude at every turn so as to trust fully in God's process here.

Will you, today, join us in "not restraining your lips" and "not concealing God's steadfast love" so that others will see the GREAT joy that it is to tether our hope with the ANCHOR of JESUS?

Ponder for a moment then, who is glorified?

Please don't take it away...

2011-04-28T07:22:00.004-05:00

The freshness of day has dawned. The dew is still lightly wetting the ground which needs no saturation after the rains. The sun shines. Birds chirp. Bunnies hop across my yard searching for their next morsel. These and a thousand other gifts have already been "unwrapped" today.

But their lurks on the horizon, if honesty and transparency are actually in practice, something concerning. Haunting, perhaps.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us" (Rom. 8:18). "That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead" (Phil. 3:10-11).

No one wakes up in the morning and decides to get out of bed because a cold shower and a worthless breakfast awaits. Sure, there is duty in waking, but there is also delight. I know of no one who takes the sound the alarm clock makes (you know the sound, the one that can take you from a peaceful sleep to a racing heart in a matter of seconds) and creates a playlist on their iPod from it just to enjoy. Beds are warm, pillows are soft, covers are gentle and comforting. We set it up that way. We like comfort. Usually, it drives a great portion of our decisions. Not in a "path-of-least-resistance" way but in a "how-can-I-minimize-hardship" way. The crazy thing with comfort is that it provides a blanket of security... or so we think.

The concern that lurks on the horizon for me is that comfort would return. I know what you may be thinking, "Doug, comfort is nice - cushy couch, warm vacations, a nicely grilled burger, a car with no mechanical problems, and health...most of all health - would that not be nice? Is that not what you desire right now?" This is where it gets complicated. You see, the answer is yes and no. Kind of. Let me explain.

Yes, I want this to be over - I want normal. Yes, I desire something that is not constant. Yes, I would love to look at my daughter with hair and have friends over, and not go to clinic and a million other things we used to have.

HOWEVER

Normal is not what has caused us to love Jesus deeply. Comfy couches, well maintained cars, juicy burgers, and health are not the ingredients for perseverance. Predictable and visible are not what comprises HOPE and FAITH. So, while I desire this to be over and have a return to life as we once knew it - with a far greater degree of purpose and intent I don't want it over. I look on the horizon and I see that the removal of trial and suffering brings with it the potential for comfort and that scares me. I want to, as Paul says, "know you in your suffering." He does not say, "I want to know you when you feet were propped up and people served you grapes on a platter in the shade of willow tree."

Maybe you too echo with me this concern: "Lord, don't remove affliction simply because it is hard, give me a reprieve that I might catch my breath before I go deeper into knowing YOU!"

I remember...

2011-04-20T07:33:00.001-05:00

Its been said before and it will certainly be said again, clinic days are never our favorite. Yesterday Jada and I set out for clinic to have bloodwork done and see about possible admission for chemo. As is our custom, Jada and I spent the first 5-10 minutes of the trip discussing any fears she may have and then we pray.

As we stepped into the clinic we immediately saw Jada's favorite friend Cora (side-note: if you don't know Cora, you really must. She's a sweet girl who loves Jesus and is going through this living nightmare a 2nd time with all the grace that only God can supply...her parents are pretty great too) and settled in. To get turned away from clinic for admission is not uncommon for us, happening at least 4 times. The day went much as it always does: crying children, questions from Jada about how long things will take, GREAT conversations with parents and nursing staff about the Gospel and so on.

Imagine our disappointment (still half expecting it) when we were told Jada's counts were too low to be admitted AND she'd have to have a transfusion - a minimum of a 3 hour extension to our time already spent at clinic. I called Jess, returned our packed bags to the car, and settled in for the afternoon. When all was said and done, we made our way to the car after we shared our secret shake - Jada and I have created the "cheek it, lip it, love it" (she kisses me on the cheek, lips then hugs me) - just one more way to provide comfort in a time where its very presence is at a premium.

What happened once we began driving home is that which has cemented my view of Jesus entering into human suffering. Jada says as we pull out of the parking deck and staring blankly off into space, "I remember the first time we came here, that was sure a struggle." "Really, do you struggle with much now," I say. She carefully replies, "well, there are certain things I don't like to take because it tastes weird, but you know dad - going to clinic, getting chemo, its all pretty fun." At that point my jaw was dragging on Glen Oak Ave. "Jada, do you think all the blessings of God in this (I explained what that meant on her terms) have made it fun?" Yes dad, because it shows that he really, really loves us."

In John 11 Jesus' good friend dies and the shortest verse in the Bible contains one of the deepest truths. "Jesus wept." This verse has been of immeasurable comfort as of late for us. It means that the outcome (death overcome) would produce immense joy which of course Jesus knew. Yet, moved as he was by the whole scene at the home of Lazarus, he still wept. His love is so deep and so pure that compassion has always been one of its most defining characteristics. God did not set this world into motion with one fail swoop of sovereignty . . . He is presently and actively sovereign. He knows your outcome (whatever you may be experiencing) but He still weeps, as it were, because compassion is in the very fabric of His DNA.

"I hate mortality"

2011-04-09T15:47:00.003-05:00

"I hate mortality." The words flew off my tongue as I kissed Jessica goodbye with my arms loaded up full of bags and a 6-year-old...and I walked out the door. That was only 2.5hrs ago.

I hate mortality because it is so much more immanent than it ever was in days past. Mortality stands ready to remind each of us that the life we so take for granted is but a breath - each moment that passes can scarce guarantee the next. That, for the sake of my daughter and the rest of my family, is what I loathe. Last night Jada's appetite and demeanor went markedly down hill. This morning she woke with zero appetite and asked me to hold her to the couch from her bedroom.

Anyone knows that Jada Noel Rumbold does not "give" easily in regards to just resting...so this came as a surprise. I took her tempt mid morning and it was already 99. Knowing that 100.4 earns an undesirable trip to the hospital, I kept checking. Within 2hrs it had climbed past 102. If this were Facebook I would click the comment button and type, "DISLIKE!" I called, they (hospital) responded and our bags were packed. Jess and I stood in her bedroom before my departure praying over her - tears streaming down my face, much as they are right now as I write this, begging God for strength and comfort as well as healing.

We arrived and were checked in promptly. I read to her, I prayed with her, and I put her to sleep for a short nap. Now, I count the minutes until she is awake while I pound these emotions out on the keyboard. Despite all the emotional noise plaguing my ears, the Spirit CLEARLY spoke to me - read Ephesians 2.

Obediently I picked up my phone, clicked on the Bible app and began reading.

"...remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having NO HOPE and WITHOUT GOD IN THE WOLRD. BUT NOW in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He HIMSELF is our PEACE..." (2:12-14a)

I may loathe this process of refinement as much as I revel in its benefits to Jess and I spiritually. To dislike the process is human. However, I urge the reader of this to consider the following: how much more hellish would this whole experience be for us (or anyone else) if we had "no hope" and were "without God in the world?" The answer is simple. It would be AWFUL.

It is a sweet refrain when one can sing again and again, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." I am no longer separate, no longer far off, no longer without hope, no longer without peace. So maybe I don't hate mortality. Maybe, just maybe, its a good thing. Being reminded of my alienation, lack of hope, and distance from God is good. From God's perspective mortality is a wrench, or a screwdriver... a tool used to illustrate the immortality and enduring HOPE found in Jesus.

The sum of all fears... relieved!

2011-04-01T10:28:00.006-05:00

Everyone has fears. Some, at times, can seem insurmountable. Others are easily overcome by just taking a step, opening your eyes, closing your eyes, a brief conversation with a friend or confidant, prayer, the memory of a verse, or one of many other ways. The fears that I have had to face in hand to hand combat recently have been relieved. Would you like to know how?

Jess and I have long been the beneficiaries of the love and care flowing from Northfield (my place of employment and family of faith). This trend shows no signs of slowing and in ALL WAYS has exceeded what we ever thought possible. Here is a sampling of some of the ways they have fleshed out the Gospel tangibly for us: they have brought meals, provided childcare, done laundry, sent us money, cleaned our house, picked up groceries, texted us verses, sent us emails, sent us cards, dropped by for brief visits of encouragement, PRAYED, took over my ministry responsibilities without the least bit of complaining, and countless other ways. Oh, and they also have allowed me to stay with my family - my first and most important ministry - while still providing compensation, an unbelievably gracious move on the church's part.

So, with trepidation I took a phone call from the Elders of NCF to set up a meeting to discuss what my work life will look like in our new normal. Jess and I were fretting slightly - wondering what the content or expectations would be.

Fear found a footing.

How will I ever make it work? How will I leave my family and not feel guilty? What will the expectations be and will they overwhelm me? etc, etc, etc. So, as Jess and I approached this meeting with the Elders of NCF two things popped into my mind: fear and authority.

Every man MUST be one under authority and Jesus is our primary example of willful submission to His Father's authority (see the ENTIRE book of John). Fear is that which rightly has no home in the heart of the confessing believer. The fear that I was experiencing was directly related to all that has happened to us and what work will look like in the light of all of it.

The first indication of how it'd go should have been easily identified by the time of the meeting itself; 8:45pm in my home. My kids were all down and things were quiet. As Jess and I poured out our hearts to them, laid out in pain-staking detail the schedule of our new "normal," and shared any other concerns we had we experienced something wonderful... our fears were being relieved and peace was setting in. Without giving undue glory to man - these men of whom I am glad to be under their authority - exhibited tremendous humility. They really listened, they carefully challenged us, and then they prayed with us. In short, the shepherded our hearts with all the gentleness and patience of their Chief Shepherd.

Now, in many respects, my father is my hero. A man devoted first to his God and then to his wife. He has shepherded me for over 30 years now. Never abdicating his responsibility, though not always performed to perfection, he carefully served as an "elder" or shepherd should - in humility and not under compulsion. I have a better view of the Chief Shepherd because of him.

In a day and age when "authority" sounds more like a swear word than the comfy winter coat designed to protect us from the elements that it is - I am joyful. The apostle Paul says it this way, "For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined." Titus 1:7-8

I have seen it growing up and now I have the distinct advantage coming under it as a gainfully employed adult. In both cases the security derived from the appropriate exercise of it has expelled fear.

The wonder: Warts and All

2011-03-27T15:05:00.005-05:00

My second child Goober (Oliver), as many of you know him, had just finished eating his meal. This is not uncommon. In fact, we have termed him the "human garbage disposal." He speaks in stout, chunky bunches these days - not unlike his stature. He was in the high chair in the kitchen the other night, Jada was crying on the couch, Pierce was crying in Jessica's arms and Goober and I were trying to clean up the mess after dinner. With food smeared all over his chubby little face, he sees a picture on the counter of Jess and I at my townhome in Angier, NC from when we were engaged (obviously not the wedding pic you see here).

Goober points to the pic and says, "that's my mom!" I look at him inquisitively and say, "who is that with momma?" Ollie looks at me and says, "Its my dad...dad, its you. You are with my mom." Then, in the slow deliberate way that he always does now when he has something serious to convey, says "its amazing that you are with my mom dad."

Now lets get one thing crystal clear right from the start, I married UP! Jessica is a wonderful, godly and exciting woman to be married to precisely because her priority IS NOT me - its Jesus! It was quickly brought to my attention by my two-year-old that my wife is lovely and it is indeed "amazing" that she chose me. However, that is not where this little parallel from marriage finds its resting spot.
The thing I love about being a parent of kids the ages I have (and any parent reading this will likely agree with you sporting one of those "I know what you mean" grins) is their perpetual excitement. For a child like Ollie (2) or Jada (6) there really is nothing quite so exciting as learning a spiritual truth and watching it play out on their pretty little expressive faces. When was the last time you were perpetually excited to the point of shock and awe that God would have you? I am blessed to have a real life metaphor each day as I wake and glance at my lovely wife. I pray the same is true for many reading this.

Read 1 Timothy 1:12-17 and see if you don't come away with the "Jesus is everything" mindset. In times like Jess and I (or anyone going through trial) are going through Jesus is our perpetual joy, ALWAYS worth being ecstatic about. Jesus will have us and His Father has counted us (and many of you) worthy of suffering for His Glory and our Joy. And that is "the wonder" of, as the Psalmist says, "setting your hope in God!"

Routine of the Abnormal and the Living Words of GOD!

2011-03-23T07:47:00.003-05:00

Clinic mornings are never my favorite and yesterday was no exception. However, as I am learning, our LORD usually lays me metaphorically on my back looking up with no hope in self-salvation before I will pay attention to a truth He must impart.

Jess and I had gone to bed on Monday night discussing Psalm 71-78 (I recommend you read them). Our habit lately is to use the Bible application on my phone (thank you brother Alan for getting me a phone which encourages me to look at JESUS), locate a passage, and select the "read aloud" option and have it read to us. This has been GREAT because it is the closest thing to routine we have going right now. Having arrived Psalm 78:7 which speaks of "setting hope in God" I began to ask Jess what that looks like for her right now. "I have never been so pressed for stillness and had so little of it - yet clinging to the little I do have." Quickly I agreed and added this metaphor:

Have you ever taken a towel that was sopping wet and tried to wring it out completely? God's word is so saturated with Goodness, Greatness, Grace and Glory that even one drop of it is sufficient. So it is that each morning I envision God's word as a sopping wet towel in which the Spirit wrings out just a drop and this is sufficient for me to live on for the day.

Return with me if you will to the morning visit to clinic in which Jada received her chemotherapy and some rather sour news that her counts (especially her hemoglobin) are critically low. This simply means that she is in need of yet another transfusion. The staff will reevaluate her blood-work again tomorrow and determine whether she will have a transfusion. Please pray RIGHT NOW for RISING COUNTS to the Glory of God!

Jada has become increasing soft and her comments generally necessitate a thoughtful response from me. As we got on the highway Jada says, "its crazy that people just throw trash out their window onto the ground dad." "I know sweetie, it does not show respect nor love for what God has given us to take care of does it?" Jada processes and replies, "yeah, and its against the law dad. Did you know dad that there are many laws - some that are even crazy?" "Sure, I knew that sweetie." She looks straight ahead and says, "dad the people that make laws make them for us to live and that is very nice of them. They are kind of like moms and dads because parents make laws at home to help us live."

I thought to myself "I wonder if she sees the connection between this and the commands and prohibitions in the Bible." While still in my own thoughts Jada says, "dad, remember yesterday when I did not listen to you and you spanked me?" "Yes." "That was good because so many people in the Bible had to learn the hard way like me. God loved them but he made laws," she said. "I know Jada, Jesus clearly told us that His words give life and that He himself is the way, truth and the life." I wanted to get her away from the term "laws" and help her see Jesus because he is the fulfillment of those laws (John 5:39).

He is our life, even in the routine of the abnormal.

Sloppy love

2011-03-16T21:32:00.008-05:00

The note read, "Here's your money back, I did it because God told me to do it." While the nephew shall remain nameless... (he has red hair, 5 siblings, and splits his time between basketball and deer hunting) what he wrote served to illustrate what Jessica and I would call the sloppy love of God.

You know what I refer to if you are a parent. Its that kiss that your toddler gives you which is just a little too wet and requires a beach towel to clean up. They usually occur when least expected or when most needed. In the stillness of the early morning they squeak out of their bed, find you with your morning cup of coffee, look at you with those eyes you could get lost in, wrap those chubby fingers around your neck and plant one on you. It reminds you why you're a parent and encourages you to press on.

This metaphor will serve to illustrate our experience in the last two weeks. A brief summary: two weeks ago Sunday I had been up all through the night with Ollie who had a fever and was throwing up. I put a load of laundry in first thing Sunday morning and the utility room flooded. After some testing it was determined that the washer needed replacement. Monday morning I was up early reading and having a steaming cup of Joe when the fridge made a noise unfamiliar to my ears. After some testing it was determined that we were on borrowed time and it needed replacement as well. Our constant prayer through this whole thing with Jada has been that our trust of God would deepen even when the outlook is the bleakest available option. What happened the following 5 days was not unlike that sloppy kiss just described.

It began with one person, then two and then about five in all who gave us gifts of love in varying amounts of cash. All told the Lord blessed us with a new washer and dryer set, a refrigerator, and a free recliner. Now, catch this - the gifts we received began before the calamity befell us. However, the total of those gifts was roughly $25 more than the total we spent. God IS EXTRAVAGANT but not wasteful. His love is sloppy because it came when least expected but DEFINITELY when most needed.

Psalm 18:19 "He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me." When you read this what are your first thoughts? I read that and there are times, even this week if I am honest, in which I say, "yeah right. He delights in me? No way - he did not see or hear what I did or said just two hours ago... let me build up a track record which would make me worthy of love."

However, the real mind blower for me is this: write that verse out on a sheet of paper, draw circles around "he brought, he rescued, and he delighted." Invert the verse, "He delights so he brings about your rescue." Still we have not arrived at the motive for WHY he delights, etc. That is a crucial question to ascertain an answer to because so many of us in trials and even in the mundane still want to bust out the rag and a good bar of soap to clean ourselves up a bit before being presented to Him. The answer could not be more glaring when one realizes that the cause of his delight is not us but his Son. God does not look at Doug Rumbold and say, "now there is a stand-up guy." NO! He looks at me and says, "now there is a guilt filled, glory seeking, prideful, self-serving, and occasionally behaving man... Good thing he's got Jesus."

What does all this add up to? Well, I am certainly thankful for the monetary gifts, but I am most thankful for the perfect obedience to the point of sacrifice of God's own Son, Jesus Christ. Why? Because even in difficult times there is something about one's obedience to the Father that is beautiful.

The last event that occurred which served to encourage Jess and I still further was simple. I left my car at Alan's (my older brother) house while I borrowed his truck to pick up the new appliances. Admittedly I am not the most organized guy in the world and my car was in a state of disarray internally when I left it. My nephew cleaned out the inside to top notch specifications. When I picked up my car all I had was $2 cash on me. So, I thought, "I'll tip the man for his efforts and help him realize that his kindness and diligence were of great encouragement to his aunt and uncle." I left the money with his mom and dad and hit the road. The following day he shows up with a sealed envelope and nonchalantly hands it to me. When Jess and I read the note (the contents quoted above) and found the $2 inside we were amazed. "I did it because God told me to." No gain in it for himself. Obedience. That's all.

So, rest assured when a sloppy kiss of God's love comes your way - it was enabled by THE ACT of obedience by Jesus Christ. . . nothing you did to deserve it.

good news

2011-03-11T22:43:00.004-06:00

"for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, this will turn out for my deliverance..." Paul 1st Century letter to a church who'd given him aid financially, spiritually, and physically.

Fast forward to the 21st century - level your sights against the slogan we hear so often as believers, "the problem with the Bible is that it is just an outdated book that really carries with it little relevance for today's world." Really? That's the best argument against the Bible naysayers have going for them right now? I can't imagine standing on sand and arguing with the arrogance of an over-inflated celebrity who thinks the world revolves around them.

This morning was much like the last few. I had not slept well all night and neither had Jess - as we waited with baited breath concerning the PET scan of our lovely daughter. To date, everything we have heard from the staff of the hospital has been negative. So, Track Record VS. Faith was the matchup today... I am GLAD to say that FAITH WINS. There were many (maybe even some of you reading this right now) who joined Jess and I in a fasting and prayer effort. Thank you! Here's the skinny: the preliminary results indicate NO CANCER! and "...nothing seen was compatible with anything of concern." - our Dr.'s words. We will get the full report on Monday or Tuesday.

In the verse above, Paul was doing NONE of the delivering. The Spirit of Jesus Christ was much obliged to help and the church at Philippi was ENGAGED in DEEP PRAYER. Here is only one of a MYRIAD of reasons as to why the Bible is Absolutely TRUE: We came under the directive of Scripture (in James we are told to anoint and pray for the sick, in the Psalms fasting is combined with prayer a number of times, and we see it obeyed further in the book of Acts). So, Jess and I reasoned that our focus today should rightly be on the LORD and obedience to His word. We sought the Lord and His Spirit has delivered good news for Jada and us.

We are humbled and we are thankful. I do not wish to equate myself with Paul. He being the "worst of sinners..." still penned about 2/3 of the NT. Not bad for a day's work in the power of the Spirit - and what have I done? Written about 3 paragraphs? You get the idea, I am nowhere near Paul. However, Jess and I have a support network which includes our immediate family, deep friends, and Church family of Northfield Christian Fellowship - which, for all intents and purposes resembles the church at Philippi to a large extent. Thank you all!

Compassion's Dilemma

2011-03-09T09:23:00.008-06:00

I argued with the first light of day this morning. No shouting or raising of fists, just subtle obstinance. Last night's sleep at the hospital was about as restful as a soldier in the bunkers on the beaches of Normandy. I posted my objection primarily because rest is just something I was hoping for. We don't always get what we hope for and Jess and I are keenly aware of that little reality more and more these days.

I guess the bigger picture here is that I wanted some compassion from God regarding my sleepless estate. However, there were more factors at play last night and the Great Sovereign Puppet Master was gently tugging the strings of "circumstance" so I would see what's really important.

Romans 8:25 - "But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

You, the reader, may or may not be aware that this week carries with it a fair amount of trepidation. The results of Jada's CT scan last week indicate that further investigation is necessary so a PET scan is ordered for Friday morning. The results could be anywhere from nothing to something incredibly serious. So, as with every other week in this ordeal, we pray and wait patiently for that which we hope but do not see.

Which brings me to a conversation Jada and I had last night just as her chemo was getting prepped. I had left the room for about 5 minutes when the nurses came in to begin the chemo preparation. By the time I was back they were finished preparing and had stepped out. Jada glances in my direction with those eyes that seem as big as the ocean against her small, hairless head.

Obvious concern had led to their sad and now squinting countenance as she fought off tears. "What is it sweetie?" I said. "Dad, who knows what is happening in this entire hospital while you were gone. There are so many people in this place who could be having a hard time right now... you know, like taking yucky medicine or getting chemo, or having a surgery. It makes me sad just to think of them all having a hard time."

My mind is thinking of how Jesus would see crowds of people and the Bible says, "have compassion on them..." Compassion is a fiber of your character which webster rightly defines as, "sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others." However, Webster misses an important element for which I wish to make an account for. THE HEART. That is to say, the affection or preceding logic which gives way to "pity and concern." Anyone can "feel" compassion - but is that really sufficient? You see, the affection of Christ's heart (his preceding logic which gave way to miracles, the atonement, propitiation, and radical obedience to a foreordained plan, etc.) was the condition of the hearts of the masses.

Circle the wagons then, take a ride on the elevator, come through the double doors and look to your right - that's us (Jada and I) in room 401. Lets look in now and see the conclusion to the compassion dilemma we are facing: "Well, sweetie, what do you think we should do?" I'm careful here because I want her deep compassion to have biblical direction. Without so much as 3 seconds to formulate a polished statement, Jada replies, "I have just been praying and praying until you walked in right now." The first condition in need of compassion is always spiritual, the second is physical. Christ saw this and realized that most times the avenue to the primary could easily be accessed through the secondary. This then, sets a great theological cornerstone for mercy ministries being tangible and practical.

So, as the night was closing out and chemo was well under way one of the nurses was asking how I was. In a gracious - COMPASSIONATE - moment from the LORD, she asked if she could pray with Jada and I. She grabbed another nurse, began praying and the comfort of the Spirit was palpable. Jess and I have often said, we don't want people to feel sorry for us, as though something strange or bad were happening to us. Our desire is that our situation honors Jesus and brings glory to God... while at the same time causing others to have compassion on us. A compassion with biblical direction that is concerned first with our spiritual condition.

The Sun and its Habits

2011-03-04T15:52:00.011-06:00

It rose much as it always does... full of brightness, unassuming, and promising. Have you ever noticed that about the sun? I have - even more so these days because of the contrast it represents to my heart. (Jada does a birthday dance)

A brief update on Jada will paint the landscape of emotion that, I am sure, will taint this entire post (I say that because I really don't know for sure what I am going to say when I begin writing). Jada had a ct scan on Tuesday, the results of which were concerning. Thus, a call from the Dr. and a brief meeting yesterday (March 3rd) in which we discovered 2 growths about 2 inches in size each, one on each side of the midline located just below the diaphragm. The Dr. went on to explain the PET scan he ordered for next week (11th); basically they are baffled and do not know what it is - because the 2 growths did not exist on the previous scan (Jan. 11th). So, answer, we don't know. We have no idea and therefore are choosing not to worry. There is peace and comfort for those who trust and wait on the Lord. However, we are a little battle-worn.

Today is Jada's 6th birthday and she was dead-set on having friends over for the big party. Imagine her disappointment, this past Tuesday, when we informed her that her counts were too low. We were overjoyed when the Dr. told us yesterday to come in today for her counts to be checked and possibly still have an impromptu party. We came, we saw, we conquered as it were - and we were on our way back home awaiting the phone call to report her blood counts. Just as Jada's friends arrived in the driveway the phone rang. "The counts are up" was the first thing I heard and jumped for joy. However, we need you back her right away - Jada needs a blood transfusion because of low red counts."

Where does one go from there? I remembered the sun and its stark contrast to the pull of emotions we are experiencing daily. It would seem that I am soon to forget the blessings and kindness of the Lord, which is to waste this bit of suffering God has gifted to us. So, it should come as no surprise then, that the birthday girl is the one doling out the presents in the form of an adjectival chronicle of our Great God!

I Peter 4:1 "...whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin..."

It all started last night. Jess and I were just a little on the frayed end of things and I was putting Jada to bed. We are reading through a book together - just her and I - last night's selection was aimed at the role of suffering and sorrow in the life of the believer as being tremendous tudors. After reading the selection and gorging on the the Word together I asked Jada, "Sweetie do you know anyone who loves the Lord and still has lots of suffering or sadness?" Without a breath Jada responds, "of course daddy, me and Jesus. Except Jesus' suffering was way badder than mine because he took all that sin and died and I am still alive...but you know that because you are reading to me." There is a brief pause with silence, and that term 'brief' could not be used more loosely if one knows' Jada, before that overworked brain caused her lips to utter, "Daddy, would you explain to me how Jesus took ALL THAT sin from forever and gave us goodness?" "Hold up honey, let me see if I have Luther, Owen, or Calvin on speed dial to tackle that one?" We spent the next 20 minutes walking through propitiation, and that was a treat. Ultimately God has a rightful claim to ALL Glory and one of the avenues he uses to achieve this is suffering which which helps us "...cease from sin."

Fast forward about 24 hours and you have our trip to get the the transfusion which occurred this afternoon. Knowing it to be Jada's birthday and her counts previously low I was lamenting yet another visit to clinic. As we get out of the van I expressed my frustration at the timing of it all and asked Jada what she is thinking about. I scooped her up in my arms, she rested her head on my neck while at the same time whispering in my ear. This is what she had to say. "Dad, God is SO GOOD! We are not even going to the hospital for 3 or 5 days like usual - just a few hours and we'll be outta here." That was the medicine I needed (for once). Psalm 16:11 urges us to consider that its God's presence that provides fullness of Joy. Praise the Lord he used my daughter to remind me of the Spirit's dwelling in me and its cause for great rejoicing.

The sun retreats to its hiding spot as the Psalmist says, my spiritual memory is jogged, and the first rays of sunlight the following morning will carry on their wings all that is necessary to get me Godward.

Swallowed up by LIFE!

2011-02-26T22:58:00.008-06:00

Most things right now lack any strain of consistency. I used to think that sort of thing kind of defined me. However, I am learning that what I used to be able to handle with relative ease is now the greatest of battles. That being said, I think we should also dispense with the notion that everything that is happening to us is immediately spiritualized and served up to the masses for edification. How I wish this were true - but then God would be dealing more with mannequins and less with mere humans - which of course I am.

So, why begin with the lack of consistency? Glad you took the time to ask, and I pray this little piece will serve to enlarge your view of God and open your eyes to the struggle that some of the sheep who call him "shepherd" have.

⁴While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. ⁵ God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit (II Cor. 5:4-5 New Living Translation)

There are not words which I could use to illustrate how our (Jess and I) parenting philosophy and theology has been called into question these past 2 months. Let me be clear with my terms so that there be no ambiguity regarding what I intend to be the outcome. Philosophy is what Jess and I believe about how parenting is to be carried out while theology addresses what (or rather WHO) is to be the center of that effort. Logically then, what one believes about parenting (theology) will dictate how (philosophy) they carry it out. One can apply any number of methods or techniques but ultimately if the view of parenting is not rightly informed theologically (or more accurately theocentrically) it will only lead to further frustration and sin.

I refuse to lie: parenting all of our children has had its unique challenges and its enough to stretch you to the point of snapping. Jada can use her condition to manipulate, Oliver struggles with my absence every 3rd week, and Pierce is an infant (which is to call him Superman's lost cousin, "Captain Unpredictability"). "Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." To which I say, "no, no and no." This would be my assessment of my parenting, husbanding, etc during this trial. Thank God for his unmerited favor.

Jess and I will be the first in the "I'll admit to that" line regarding the general love and care of God toward his children. There have been many moments where we have collectively struggled to believe that God is GOOD even if things don't let up for a while. Our new lives and new schedule have wreaked havoc on our usual routine and that alone is cause for concern - at least to us. I know there will likely be many who read this who will have circumstances MUCH MORE DIFFICULT than our own. I am not minimizing your trial - I am simply speaking out of ours. At each turn of doubt we have had a few common elements occur: someone reminds us of Christ (his affliction/suffering/perfect obedience), there are other believers (family/friends/church family) who have come alongside and encouraged us in VERY TANGIBLE ways, and Jess and I both have had some very consistent times of confession and repentance before God.

Do I long for what the above verses talk about...yes I want to be "done" with this and have all the benefits it affords without the searing pain it so often dishes out. However, I will not presume upon the Lord a "better" time for him to finish this work in us. Mine is not the timetable, mine is faith. "He who began a good work, will carry it on to completion." So, it is a tremendous relief when God, in his Mercy provides a good laugh.

We have a rule in our house that the kids are not supposed to touch DVDs (mainly Oliver - because his meat-hook-like hands are about as delicate as they are tiny: resulting in a little breakage from time to time). Today Ollie had ahold of a DVD. I quickly grabbed it and sent him to his room to await his fate. I come in with the rod and he scrunches up his face and says, "I not in trouble dad...I not in trouble." "Really," I respond with a little tinge of doubt in my obvious tone. "Would you mind telling me how you are not in trouble?" "Because...(as he looks around his room) I play basketball." Huge cheesy smile with one hand on his hip seeing if I will cave. It would seem that Ollie's little addiction is now his vehicle - good thing Jess and I are trained by the Spirit in discernment : )

As you go about your day, really try to grasp the concept that your old mortality is to be SWALLOWED UP by Life and that LIFE IS JESUS!!! "...we rejoice in hope of the Glory of God!" God's GLORY is most recognizable in Jesus (Heb. 1:3).

Click the comment button and share how Christ has encouraged you today despite what you may be facing.

Our Maturation for HIS Glorification

2011-02-21T15:45:00.007-06:00

Forboding: implying or seeming to imply that something bad is going to happen. This is the state of most believers when we consider that God wants to "teach" us something. Why must this be so? Is it primarily because we view our own way as so correct that it must be an invasion of privacy (or an invasion of authority more accurately) for God to presume on us a "Lesson?" Either way, what we have is a dilemma. A dilemma that is dire to say the least.

Last Thursday night we were on the eve of our departure from the hospital stay when I was able to get out and see the rest of the family for a bit. I went home, ate a late dinner, played some "football tackle"(Ollie's words), read a Bible story, and put the family to bed - then headed back to be with Jada. By the time I had arrived back in the room I was able to talk with our nurse (Kim - who is fantastic by the way) about the goings on while I was away. She informed me that Jada was very talkative and somewhat challenging of authority...I acted surprised like one does at Christmas when they "don't know" what they are receiving (just kidding I had to confront the issue). I asked Kim what they had talked about. She was informing me that Jada was telling her all about this Job book we have been reading.

Jada had meandered all over the conversational road map and finally settled on asking our nurse some questions while I was away. Now let me just say before I go any further, that children can put the pressure on their parents like none other. Jada has never been an exception to this rule and I am quite certain she had a part in the penning of it originally. After many questions and just a LOT of activity in the room while I was gone, Jada asked Kim, "Did you know Jesus before my dad talked to you?" Now, this question assumes a few things that immediately put me behind the eight ball. One, it assumes I have spearheaded this specific conversational effort. Two, others have wanted to hear what I have to say. Finally, it assumes that I have, when I open my mouth, something coherent and useful to say.

As our nurse is telling me this I am thinking, "thanks Jada, appreciate that one." The more I thought about it, however, I realized that God NEVER WASTES a trial. One usually considers how it is that their children call them to account via their actions or lack of control. You know what I'm talking about... as parents we have the right of refusal - if I am ever wrong and my child calls me out on it, I can always refuse to admit fault and cite parental sovereignty. Sparing a long explanation, just realize this is one way our children provide a second holy spirit influence. However, it is not the aforementioned mode of conviction I wish to discuss. I wish to touch briefly on how our children hold us to account positively.

I love that my daughter is straight at it in regards to faith. And while this provides for funny stories or apt sermon anecdotes - it also places a positive challenge on myself and Jessica. God's use of this trial, Jessica and I are learning, is that we mature in order that He may be glorified. I can choose to mope or be discouraged continually in my own strength. OR I can choose, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to be upheld by the strong arm of God and look at the day of trouble and say as the Psalmist says in 112:6-7, "For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is FIRM, TRUSTING IN THE LORD."

There is more danger in my not speaking to literally everyone about Jesus in plain terms such as the ones Jada employs. What is that danger you may ask? Well, as simple as I can state it - one may actually thinkthey are the ones weathering the storm. There is really nothing special about Jessica or myself or our family for that matter . . . IF NOT FOR JESUS!

The words of Peter in 1 Peter 4:1-2 have given shape to my conviction in a very poignant way these last few days and I wish to make them know to the reader for their encouragement in the faith. "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is DONE with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God." It is clearly more than noteworthy that there are only two places in the NT where we are commanded to assume an attitude or posture of the heart EXACTLY like Christ, here and Phil. 2:5 "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." The Peter passage dealing with suffering and the Phil. passage dealing specifically with humility set the tone for a SAVIOR that is minuscule by the world's measures but of inestimable value to those who believe. Might we mimic the Lord Jesus in these two areas with perseverance in order that we mature and He be GLORIFIED!

Sacrifice or something like it

2011-02-16T00:15:00.003-06:00

There are limited times, you see, when a child will still listen to their father's "important" instruction. I am not sure whether that window has eclipsed with any of my children yet, much less Jada - whom I seem to be getting an inordinate amount of time with lately. What I do know is this; while I try to make sense of this journey of faith for myself I will drag along any who are in my path in hopes of enhancing others' vision of Jesus.

So, with that clearly in your sites, understand that I brought the "Job" book written by John Piper to the hospital for my own purposes this week. I sat on my bed/couch to begin reading it last night. Jada glances at me and says, "will you read me that Job book - I like the picture on the front?" I hadn't thought of it yet - but already a few pages in, I decided to grant her request, and climbed in bed with my daughter ready to explain every 3rd word of the book to her. The pictures are detailed and for that matter obvious question inducers for a child Jada's age. "No worries," I think, "I got this under control. I am an educated man and can answer her vocab questions."

The story picks up quickly and Jada is not drowsy at all - which I thought she would be considering the drugs already administered and the fact that chemo was only a 1/2 hour away. We get to the point (don't worry, there are no spoilers of the book in this blog, just observations) in the story where Job is pictured over an altar with a lamb making a sacrifice for his children's sins and he is earnestly pleading with God on their behalf. The quote reads, God - "O man of God, today again you seek the precious lives of ten young souls. Now tell me, with your heart, would you be willing, Job, to part with all your children, if in my deep counsel I should judge that by such severing more good would be and you would know far more of me?"... Job - "O God, have mercy on my seed. I yield to what you have decreed."

Jada processes. . .

I turn the page and begin to read the next one. She clutches my shoulder and says, "Dad, was God asking Job to put his children on the altar instead of the lamb?" "In a nutshell, yes he was honey." "Why? because Job was already killing lambs for his children?" "Well honey, we can't rightly get at God in our comfort - we know him best when we need him most. Jada, it would be like you praying to God and asking him to help you know him better. When he responds he says to you, 'I am going to take all your toys and your health because it will teach you to cling to me above anything else and that is GOOD.' make sense sweetie?" Her brow furrows up while she makes that adorable smile and half whispering she says, "it seems like God always wants what's hardest to give."

Deep breath, sigh, and remind myself that cancer for a 5 year old is a crash course in applied theology more than anything else. "Jada, the book of Romans says that God is working all things together for our good if we know Jesus. So, you decide if its hard to give him what you want to hold on to OR if it is trusting that what He is doing in you IS good. You see honey, because God IS GOOD (that is part of His unchanging character) all He does is Good, even when it does not seem like it. What he was telling Job was, 'trust me Job, you think what you have now is great, wait until I give you a better definition of great.' Jada, I want you and I, and our whole family to echo the words of Job, "I yield to what you have decreed."

I pray that as God challenges you with this concept you will make a personal commitment to trust Him over and against relinquishing our comforts. Think about it for a moment, you don't think I would like to rewind 8 weeks and have things the way they were? There are days, to be sure, where this is exactly the sentiment. Be that as it may, Jessica CONTINUE to experience the smile of God in a thousand manifest ways daily. That is reason enough to stay the course - God HAS Promised that we will not be overwhelmed, or tested beyond what we can bear, or left as orphans, or that this trial will result in anything BUT good. So, yes, Jesus, Jada is not ours - she never was - we are just her parents as stewards tending to the blessing from you she represents to us.

At this point I'd be curious to know what your thoughts are - post a comment below.

Look upon Jesus, one acquainted with suffering

2011-02-10T22:34:00.007-06:00

We started the car, packed the bags, said our goodbyes and started down the road. These trips to St. Jude clinic in Peoria are becoming a bit ominous for my liking. No one is guaranteed a good experience at clinic and there stands an eerie reminder upon entrance weekly. On occasion there are weeping 2 yr olds who cannot stand treatment and struggle mightily. There are teenagers who are mild and complacently sitting, waiting for their number to be called. Finally, there are parents, sullen and quiet: fatigued from the journey we are all on.

Jada and I usually do not make it to the Morton exit (7 min down the highway) before she says, "Dad, I would like you to turn on and TURN UP Kari Jobe please." Now, if you are not aware, Kari Jobe is the consistent bright spot in Jada's trial. She is a Christian artist from Texas who has what Jada calls, "Jesus music - that makes me think about Jesus." So, this is how we choose to start our drive to the clinic each week. I never make it more than 15 minutes without crying. Today was no exception. Miss Jobe's song, "Healer" comes on and in the backseat is Jada - laying her head on the armrest staring blankly ahead dangling her hand up...her ever so slight hint that she desires to hold my hand. I reach around to the backseat and grasp her hand while we move down the highway, my eyes filling with tears as we approach clinic. My mind is full of beautiful memories we have made this past week with all the extra time we have had at home. How wonderful the time has been. I am reminded of one particular night...

Jada has an incision from her sternum to just above her bladder where the tumor was removed. She has had, since the surgery, steri strips (small bandage-like stripes) on her stomach that have needed to come off - but convincing a 5 year old to take off 27 bandaids in one sitting is quite like asking an elephant to tip toe, unlikely. However, last night she was in rare form and begged for them to be removed. After her bath, and three times a week I have to do a dressing change (where I change her entire bandage and clean her line site {the tube that comes out of her chest for chemo}). As we began taking off one strip at a time Jada winced with the predictable pain. Finally, as the last one came off she looked at her belly button for the first time since January 3rd.

The incision runs up to her belly button, then goes around it and below her belly button an inch or so. She glances at it and says, "Dad, it was so kind of the Doctors not to cut my belly button in half, and to put me asleep when the did the surgery because I don't think I could handle seeing me be cut wide open." "Do you think it hurt honey?" I said. She quips very quickly, "well, yes of course dad." I asked, "Jada, what do you think it was like for Jesus?" She looks into space and says, "it must have hurt worser than a poke (that would be a shot with a needle), and it really makes me very thankful that he did it to clean away sin. And dad, did you know, Jesus was awake until he died? I was in surgery when I slept - so I don't remember and I did not feel it because the Dr. gave me owie medicine. So, Jesus Really obeyed his daddy and loves us VERY much."

How does one add to perfect obedience, deep love, and unconditional forgiveness? The gospel was delivered at great cost and through deep pain - - - can I hope to escape it if the truth of the Gospel is to be riveted into the depths of my heart? Trials and suffering are Major, Necessary and Useful tools in God's toolbox of sanctification. Paul, in speaking to the church at Thessalonica, says of trials, "You know quite well that we were destined for them. In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way, as you well know. For this reason, when I could stand it not longer, I sent to find out about your faith. I was afraid that in some way the tempter might have tempted you and our efforts might have been useless." (I Thess. 3:3-5).

We are learning daily that our faith is being challenged in ways we could not fabricate and in ways we never wish to repeat, but nonetheless we are being shaped for the Glory of God.

So, clinic finished up this morning with the pale news of Jada's blood counts (her over all ANC count which allows chemo to continue) being too low and our admission to the hospital being delayed yet another 3 days. Are we frustrated, yes. Are we weary of the commute to and fro with no progress to show, yes. Are we sorrowful yet rejoicing? YES - With Faith we are.

by the way, the picture was taken by simply charming photography in Tremont, IL on January 17th - prior to hair loss.

Stir My Affections

2011-02-07T11:36:00.008-06:00

The title was meant to catch you eye and make you think, "huh, what in the world is he talking about?" On Friday Jada and I were at the hospital and discovered that her white blood count was too low and therefore we could not start this round of chemotherapy.

I liken the experience to snow days. When you are in school and you get the call early in the morning that the day is cancelled, you are ecstatic. However, when the end of the year rolls around - you are somewhat jaded and frustrated. "What, three more days of school? I thought the year was done."

This is where Jess and I are at - it was great to be back home for the weekend, but we know it only delays the treatment by 3 days. As a result, we decided to make the best of it. Knowing that the chemo will start soon and her condition (both in temperament and physical suffering) will worsen - we wanted to make it special.

With all the snow, being locked indoors is not only punishment - it is punishment of the most severe kind to a 5 year old. Jada and Goober had been begging to go outside. To be truthful, I actually was loathing going out, mainly because getting snow equipment on children just to be outside for a short amount of time did not appeal to me. Well, they pursued and I relented and after a short time we found ourselves outside.

Now, let it be understood, we LOVE all of our neighbors - we have a unique connection to all of them; from meals made for us, to birthday parties shared and errands run - our neighbors are great. The Wendlings, however, have a lovely family. A couple sets of twins that are near Jada's age and an eighth grader who is super kind to us and our children make for some great connections. Their 4 youngest children were outside when Jada, Ollie, Jess and I ventured out on Sunday. What resulted was MANY laughs, king of the mountain, a snowball fight, some pictures and overall just a 'normal' experience for a 5 year old before things get un-normal in a day or two.

There is one event, which, when recounted during our discussion as we were falling asleep (Jess and I) served to stir my affection for the goodness and grace of Jesus. We were playing on the pile of snow at the end of our street, the kids, myself and the Wendling's dog (which are children are afraid of not because of veracity but more because of unfamiliarity). Jada will begin to scream as though something much more severe were happening than just a good licking of the face when the dog approaches her.

Jada was on top of the hill with her back to the dog. As the dog approached her (she was unaware) Emily (the Wendling child Jada has most connected with) literally ran up the hill and dove in front of the dog and pushed it away - asking Jada (who was now crying) if she was ok. It may not sound like much but Jess and I thought it was so sweet how a little girl was watching out for her friend's safety, and really genuinely concerned.

Sure, its the big things that one prays for in times like these. Complete healing, no financial devastation, good family relations throughout, and no more sour news, etc. However, as I have indicated many times already, God's desire is not that our comfort be in the majors of our life. It IS to be found in the majors of His life, what he has accomplished, what he has finished, and what he deems to be imperishable (and therefore comforting). The problem is that I have a tendency to desire comfort in predictability and concrete circumstances. What God provides is grace and peace multiplied to us as needed - He's not in to wasteful excess - though His supply is abundant. It is just what we need when we need it, "...May grace and peace be multiplied to you..." I Peter 1:2.

People are one of those resources God provides for encouragement and in this case our neighbors helped stir our affection for God as He is good to us - even in the small things. Emily also illustrated to us the protection God has over our daughter.

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The balance of blessing

2011-02-03T15:22:00.005-06:00

Psalm 42:3 "My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'"

It is among the most powerful and poignant metaphors in all the Bible - at least that is this man's opinion. Have you ever been there? You know the place I am talking about. That place where your tears have a ready path not only blazed, but WELL TRAVELED, in which they move speedily down your cheeks and into your mouth. The slightly warm, salty taste doest not even surprise you anymore - in fact, it is part of your regular diet. This is the place the Psalmist is talking about when he speaks of tears and food in the same breath. A place Jessica and I are well acquainted with as of late.

The assurance we receive daily via text, email and phone calls from loved ones concerning the promises of God are staggering. The support of the local church and our family from a physical, emotional, and spiritual angle is also without equal. Why then do I speak of this verse? I know these promises cerebrally, even a few occurrences in my life have driven these truths deeper - but why is it that my tears are my food?

Anyone who looks at the picture of Jada above - hovering over a bucket - must have a justice bone deep down inside that is being tweaked. I could handle this happening to my body, and with relative grace even, say that God is doing something Good. But apply the same circumstances to a child (especially yours) and your justice bone twinges within you at the purposes of God's sovereignty. Sadness does not depict the state of our hearts collectively (Jess and mine that is), anguish is a more fitting term - but what makes this verse so poignant a descriptor for Jess and I is this: our tears are talking. They are telling us, with every new set of challenges, "your God is dead and unable to answer."

Last night Pierce (our newest addition) literally cried and screamed from 8pm till just around 4am. Jess and I did not sleep a wink during that span. Jada woke screaming and needed comfort, and Oliver made his presence known about an hour and a half before normal in the morning. The tears streamed down my face last night, down that familiar canal into the reservoir of my mouth, asking me "Where is your God?" Jess and I prayed, we covered our heads with pillows, we did just about anything we could - hoping that it would end and the dawn would speedily come. Sadly, this was not the case.

I had just a spare minute while laying in bed last night and I turned the Bible application on my phone on, I read Psalm 41-44. When I read through all of Psalm 42 the Spirit began to remind me of the balance of blessing and the HOPE filled perspective provided therein. I began to catalogue all that God has provided since December 30th, 2010 when our trial began. It has been overwhelming and humbling how God has blessed us and I certainly do not want to present a picture of gloom always. There are moments of Joy - though fleeting - and they are what we are hanging on to in the really dark times.

As one reads Psalm 42, though, they are reminded to "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." There is a tremendous temptation on my part to simply cash in the chips and exclaim - "God, we've sought you and your are not answering in the manner we expected." The fact is, even though our present request is sleep, and much of it - God's goodness is not in question simply because what I want is not happening. His goodness and blessing are manifest in a thousand other ways all around me. What this calls for in me is twofold: the Psalmist later says "...I shall again praise him...", this means that all of whats happening is a colossal equation leading to praise. Secondly, this calls for endurance. Read Romans 5 and one will quickly discover suffering or trials are designed to provoke endurance in us. Endurance (or perseverance) is connected to Hope because its OBJECTIVE IS GOD!

We GET GOD! Not sure if this resonates with you, but for this weary believer it is medicine for my sick and tired soul. Tomorrow Jada and I shove out early for another stay of 5 or so days in the hospital and the administration of chemo. We will do so knowing that even if it is hard and we pray against everything that then happens, we still GET GOD! I pray your rest is in your acquisition of God - not in some unmet expectation you have of Him. I know I have wrestled with that, even in the last couple days.

When I took this picture of Jada she had just vomited. I asked her, "Jada, is God still good?" Vomit still clinging to her chin over the bucket she looks at me and says, "of course dad." Really, you're kidding me! was my thought. I pressed her and she began to recount all the things around us, warm jammies, good dinner that night, heat when it was snowing outside, etc. God continues to use my daughter to encourage (and challenge) both Jess and I. I pray the same for you.

What comfort remains

2011-01-30T22:57:00.005-06:00

I sat on the couch with my only daughter holding her hand with my left and applying a fair amount of pressure with my right hand just below her sternum. The chemo tends to cause localized pain in short bursts for Jada who usually just calls out for someone to put pressure on the area. After the pain had subsided we just sat and talked - with each fluttering moment she would reach up and grab a fist full of hair and hand it to me. How does one respond when put in such a precarious spot? I didn't. I just took the hair, smiled, wrapped my arm around her and kissed her bare head.

Later, as Jess and I were putting her to bed, we noticed that she has begun to suck her thumb. Now, Jess and I have often said, "the only easy things with Jada have been potty training and bike riding." Which, as you might well have guessed by now, does not include the cessation of thumb sucking. Measures not normally used by parents were employed by us to get her to stop this little habit 2 years ago. It finally met its death about 10 months to a year ago...or so we thought. After Jess left the room I asked her, "Jada, I thought you hated sucking your thumb? What makes you do it now - in front of me without even hiding it?" Pausing for a moment and the and then curling her body tightly around mine on the bed, she says, "well dad, I guess its the only thing that still feels good... you know, since my cancer happened."

This may be a shot in the dark (mainly because I am blindly unaware of the consumer of this blog on a daily basis), but odds are I am not speaking to a group of folks void of the range of human emotion. So, you will understand when I tell you - there simply is not a good way to describe what I feel FOR my daughter - Jess feels the same as I do on this one. We would rather she woke up with no hair instead of this bit by bit process - one may as well chunk out pieces of your parent heart with each hunk of hair. Since mid week this past week this has been whats on the mind of Jessica and I as we discuss what will likely happen when Jada goes out into public in the coming days.

It is with no light heart at all then, that I have begun to ask this question in my daily times with Jesus: Do I really DELIGHT in the sovereignty of God? I mean truly D-E-L-I-G-H-T. Culture says that pain is bad and therefore no good can come of it; the same logic any of my children tries to wield just before I seek to apply "the rod of knowledge to the seat of understanding" if you know what I mean. I know this is not true - and I could run through a myriad of reasons as to why: both experiential and spiritual. If no good comes from pain then I have just tread lightly on the grace of God and made a mockery of the most intense, heart shattering pain ANYONE ANYWHERE has EVER experienced - the willful sacrifice of one's only begotten to benefit anyone who would have it and satisfy justice.

Do I delight in the sovereignty of God and is my faith built only when I get what I pray for OR can I delight in HIS goodness OVER and AGAINST my current comfort (or lack thereof)?

For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. ⁹Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. ¹⁰He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. ¹¹You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

Let the beginning of this week for you find its deepest rest in what is about to be read: What comfort remains for a 5 year old facing some of the darkest hours of her life and for her parents (and countless others for that matter) who are "so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself..."? Simply put - Jesus! Romans 8:32 - "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all good things?" Because God did not spare Jesus - then you and I can have "tunnel vision" as it were, and rest SECURE that GOOD WILL FOLLOW. Hard to see? Yes. Hard to believe? Yes.

But praise be to God's GLORIOUS grace He WILL HELP my unbelief, and consequently, any reader of this as well.

Not ideal or is it?

2011-01-27T23:18:00.006-06:00

Last Friday we sat in clinic – Jada and I – when a 4yr old boy walked in with no hair. Jada takes one glance and politely whispers in my ear, “daddy, did he have chemo?” Throughout this whole process I have never been an advocate of keeping information from my daughter for her “protection.” This was no time to veer from the already well-beaten path. I looked her square in the eye and said, “he sure did sweetie, and soon your head will look like that because all of your hair will fall out.” Jada wrinkles up her cute little face and says with a sinister little grin, "maybe it'll come back a different color."

That was Friday...last week. A lot has happened since then and now we are in the hours before dawn of Friday this week, the 28th of January. Jada has been oscillating back and forth - most recently in a conversation with Jess she exclaimed, "I will never be beautiful without my hair!" Its hard to know, but for now this will serve as your update (for those update-hungry folks out there). Now... I get to talk about my wife!

I am an idealist at heart. That is precisely why my definition of 'ideal' was initially challenged when Jessica and I originally began a relationship. There are few things less ideal than I was in high school - to save one the horror of a seared image in your mind, here's the skinny: I was 6 ft. tall and skinny as a rail, I parted my hair in the middle (yes, that's right... I said 'parted'), I wore hand me downs, wore braces, hated anything to do with words or speaking, and sat by myself in the cafeteria day after day. Jessica, now she was ideal (and still is). Not many of you know it, but she used to have curly hair (which was beautiful), was a straight A student, phenomenal athlete, outgoing, and a thousand other characteristics. As far as rank goes, there were not leagues that could have depicted the chasm that existed between her and I - only a spectrum in the world's eyes; her on the high end and me opposite.

So, when college finished and Luke & Debbie Porritt fixed us up (THANK YOU GUYS!), I struggled. You know what its like. You have seen the movies where a guy is tongue tied trying to talk to the beautiful woman - try having that feeling every day. So early on - as the picture indicates- Jessica certainly caught my eye because, in my opinion, she was (is) stunning. However, being an idealist puts a strange sort of seat belt on your expectations. Initially, I thought I might get the amount of consideration that a page turn does in a half interesting book. Jessica, however, has never ceased to wrestle my preconceived notions to the ground and challenge them.

Her and I committed to a time of prayer before we began any sort of relationship. It was not long until the both of us, sensing conviction from the Spirit, began a relationship. This was the summer of 2001. We experienced some not so ideal times on two occasions where we had what I shall call "relational hiccups." They were mainly due to my arrogance (having just graduated Bible college I was the personification of 1 Cor. 8:1-3, but praise be to God's grace, I am being changed more into the image of Jesus now). By God's grace we were rid of the hiccups by July 30th 2003 - the night we were engaged. January 2, 2004 we wed. That day was FULL of "ideals."

Fast forward 7 years, celebrate your anniversary the night before your 5 year old goes into major surgery to have a football sized tumor removed, and you may as well tell "ideal" he doesn't even have to dress for the game - because he is getting NO PLAYING TIME.

Or is he. . .

Our conviction is that the goodness and sovereignty of God has never been in question - not since January 2, 2004 or even now. By the time we will have walked through this whole thing, I can promise you this, God WILL USE IT to make our marriage more ideal. Does that mean that Jessica and I have gotten along perfectly, no. Does that mean we have not shaken our fist at God in anger and confusion, no. Does that mean that we never cry and we always must appear as though we have everything together, again an emphatic NO! I have said it before and I will say it again: "faith is what you find when you face what you are facing."

Here is what I am finding about my wife: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.'" Prov. 31:28-29. Her passion for the Lord drew me. Even now, in anger and/or frustration she is still BEGGING for time alone with Jesus to make sense of it all.

There is no one I would rather walk through this with than you Jessica Marie Rumbold. One day our children will rise and call you blessed because you have clung, with transparency, to the supplier of our hope. It is not a contest it is a destination and our citizenship reveals it (see Philippians 3).

This post is meant to exalt Jesus Christ and the transforming work he has done in OUR relationship. Tell me (by clicking to add a comment), are you being encouraged and transformed by Jesus lately? If so, give all of us a taste with a sentence or two. I'd personally love to hear how God is shaping and changing many of you.

Trust vs. Tears: The Epic Battle and present struggle

2011-01-24T22:23:00.014-06:00

In my previous post I alluded to writing about Jessica, Oliver, and Pierce. Begging your electronic forgiveness and knowing you will likely understand fully - we had an emergency trip to the hospital just after I had finished writing the other night. It seems the lessons and comfort the Lord provides are endless and therefore the stream of speak (although strokes of a keyboard) continues, if for nothing else, my own benefit. So, I promise to write of the three aforementioned this week, but for now I move to the latest experience in this saga that continually thickens.

We were told after the first inpatient treatment that if Jada ever has a fever over 100.4 she will be admitted. "Sure," we say and tuck that into our - 'that won't ever happen to us' pocket. Which, by the way, is being rapidly depleted these days. Sunday afternoon Jada's body began to feel a little hot and I kept a close eye on things. We began checking her fever - which only climbed. To simplify and save space, her fever spiked over the 100.4 threshold, I called the Dr., we were ordered to admit immediately. Jessica, at this point, had just woke from a nap, comes to the living room and sees my eyes... the story has already been told though no words had been spoken. "What's wrong?" she says. "Well, we need to pack some bags, Jada has to be readmitted tonight because she has a fever." Immediately Jessica begins to cry and Oliver - ever the sensitive man that he is - follows her into the bathroom and says, "it okay momma, it okay."

Adjectives are certainly anemic these days when it comes to adequate descriptions of emotions. I begin to pack bags and get things in order with the help of Diane Imig - who has been a rock star for us lately and of whom we are very thankful. The van is packed and Jada is still not even really affected - she just seems listless. Jessica, however, along with me have shed tears and there apparently is no "off" switch. I kneel with her in the bedroom and we pray one time before I hit the road.

The rest of the evening was pretty much as I expected. Jada was admitted, vitals were checked, an antibiotic was administered, blood was taken, conversations ensued with the staff, and bed time finally happened much after 10:30pm for Jada. That was Sunday... the 23rd.

By morning I was alerted to her low WHB (White Blood Count) which is effectively her ability to stave off infection - that being said, it is supposed to alarm us when there is a fever because of the potential effects. So, we wait.

Our son Oliver, who has not really adjusted all that well to a completely different environment, needs attention and daddy time. My wife, who is exhausted, needs sleep and just rest in general. Pierce... he's just too young to know what he wants yet, which at this point is a good thing. Monday afternoon I call my brother Alan up to sit with Jada so I can go to a quiet spot and have some time to read and pray before I head to Tremont for just a couple hours to spend time with the other members of my family.

Let me back up one step so that everyone knows just how Great the community of Faith has been around us. I am part of a group of super cool dudes known as the Peoria Area Leadership Community (aka PALC). If I divulge too many names besides the ring leader, Bill Allison, one might question the company I keep - but that is for another discussion altogether. We are a band of brothers who bear each others burdens and overall just try to discover what 1st century disciplemaking looks like in a 21st century world. PALC in general has had within itself, many ups and downs, but lately the trend is southward. So, we decided as a group to have concentrated prayer for the entire day Monday. This was the agenda I had when I called my brother Alan to cover for me - and normally I am not for agendas, but exceptions can be made.

So Alan shows up and I try to leave the room. Jada has already begun to sense that this was not a scheduled hospital visit and that we were not going home right away, so she was particularly clingy. I buttoned my coat, hit the door and there was a piercing scream with violent tears from Jada, "No, daddy, you cannot leave me here. Please." I tried coaxing her once with logic: "Jada, who has been with you every night? Who has been at every scan, blood test, and MRI? Who was there when you woke up from surgery? Who has carried you throughout the house when your legs were too weak?" She looks up at me with wet eyes and says, "you." "Sweetie, I will be back at bedtime, but I must go see Ollie, Pierce and Mom - and spend some time talking to Jesus." Clearly any sort of logic, whether linear or cyclical, has been void to this point in our journey so I have no idea what caused me to think it would work now. Jada again continues with the labored breathing and heavy tears when I approach the door. She calls out for me to pray with her if I want to leave.

Now, presenting itself, is an opportunity for trust - trust that God is who He says He is. Immediately I was challenged because I thought, "what good is that going to do right now?" If tears were a weapon, metaphorically speaking, Jada had just unwittingly opened up everything in her arsenal. As any parent will tell you a thousand times over, they would rather suffer themselves than to watch one of their children suffer, especially to the point of tears. Hold that thought in comparison to God's rescue plan of Christ and what the suffering he faced must have been like on his heart as a Father. Staggering.

Psalm 81:7 says, "In distress you called, and I delivered you..."

I was struck with conviction in that moment standing at the door wanting to leave but being called back by Jada. Do I really pray as though I have a hearing with the Father? I began to run through the catalogue in my mind of the times I prayed only what I could control. How rare it is for me pray outside of the context of my ability to provide. I looked at Jada, knelt, and prayed that God would calm her, strengthen her, and give her peace. All things COMPLETELY outside of my control, especially considering how hard Jada was crying. Nonetheless, I prayed. And you know what... God answers prayer. Jada immediately stopped crying, I left, had some sweet time of fellowship with Jesus, and was able to spend time with the rest of the family.

Trusting Ultimately / Struggling Trivially

2011-01-22T23:22:00.004-06:00

"Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind and therefore there is hope.
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul, therefore I will hope in him." - Lamentations 3:19-24 -

We sat in clinic (St. Jude in Peoria) yesterday getting blood work and waiting on the nursing staff. We arrived at 9:30 and were dismissed around 1. Those are just going to be long days no matter how you slice it. Jada and I began to strike up a conversation, the details of which could be classified in the following statement: difference of perspective.

To be sure the LORD has guarded Jessica and I from SO MUCH these 4 weeks that our view of providence (in all its fullness) has expanded. That is until the other day when I went to the mailbox and we began receiving the bills. God has already got the ball rolling here and I seemed quite confident for some time regarding it...but that was before my eyes befell just the first of many bills that made my annual salary look like a pittance. "Okay, health care is expensive, I know, but God's got it under control." That was my perspective and really my heart. I know that ultimately this is my last concern, but now the questions of how had begun. This was the topic of Jada and my discussion while at clinic.

She was looking around the room and said to me... "Dad, are tumors expensive?" "Well, sweetie, actually they are not but the removal of them is for sure." "Hmmmmm" - she says. Then with absolute cuteness she furrows up her brow and says, "how much?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, how much has everything cost so far?" "Well honey, we have only received bills for a few things so I am not really sure." Her brain begins working overtime, complete with the listless glance into space to allow time for calculating. Finally, she says, "I think it had to cost almost 100 cents!"

I was taken back at the difference in perspective. From day one I have had complete trust that financially things will be fine. That is still my stand today - St. Jude is a GREAT organization...but as Chris Tomlin sings, "Our God is greater!" Still, I love how the difference in perspective allows for Jada to have a greater range of faith than her father. In Matt. 18:2-4 Jesus uses children as a benchmark for faith. He desires us the emulate the faith of a child. I believe it is because their range of faith differs so much from that of an adult. Allow one illustration and then I will wrap this up...

Yesterday one of the child life workers was making a necklace for Jada. She holds up smiley faces and frowny faces to put on the necklace - each depicting one day and how she felt that day. When asking Jada how many happy days and how many days did she hurt, Jada replied, "Miss Shelly, they are all happy days because of Jesus." So, while her 100 cent statement nails the "Ultimate" (or final purpose) end of things, her "happy because of Jesus" statement pins down the trivial side of living. An area of struggle for me. Ultimately Jessica and I are comfortable with what is going on and we TRUST God absolutely. Conversely though, I struggle at times with training my children, loving my wife, and being woke up for he 5th time in the night by a 2 year old (that last one is way too specific to be made up by the way).

Faith, then, is not so much what you are facing. It is what you find when you face what you are facing. Have you ever noticed that life for children is nearly always a perpetual discovery? Something is always amazing them. I submit that if you seek for God ultimately, with humility (see Lamentations 3:20), you will be amazed every morning at how he condescends into your trivial. All of this is to provide us with the Good that comes from our "gall" (bitter experiences) as the author of Lamentations puts it.

PREVIEW: In all the craziness surrounding Jada there is lost this picture that we are not defined by Jada nor her illness. We are first and foremost children of the living God. So, for the next three posts I am going to dedicate my writing to the other three people in my life that round out the Rumbold family. First, I will dedicate an entire post to my wife who has strength and beauty I never would have guessed seven years ago existed. Then a post for Oliver (aka. the Goober) which will likely include some story about him and underwear. Finally, a post about Pierce who God has already used to break through the darkness of this time for Jessica and I.

Compassion's deficit

2011-01-20T23:18:00.005-06:00

Now, I will not say with utter certainty - the way that one can say, "water is wet, sky is blue, and grass is green," - that I know the ins and outs of compassion. However, what God has done these past few weeks may be likened to the eye exam; an object is purposefully blurry for a time and the optometrist does a little twisting here and a little tweaking there...BOOM, the object in view becomes ever so clear.

And so it is with compassion. There are a number of things one can read in the Bible and not make sense of them - the author of Deuteronomy makes it clear that the secret things belong to God. However, there are things that are veiled or kept from our understanding, that is, until our hearts are ready to actively receive a truth or principle previously ignored or misunderstood.

Tonight marked the end of Jada's radiation treatment regimen. This is TREMENDOUS news and cannot be overstated on paper or in our hearts. I wrote a few nights ago of the difficulty it is to watch that machine administer radiation to such a young beautiful girl. So, you will forgive me if I get a little excited while searching for what I already know will be totally inept adjectives to describe the experience. Jada always dresses as cute as she can for this experience. Nice boots, cute top and just the right leggings. Her top by her own admission must not be too short because, in her words, "Dad, that would just be unappropriate." - I love it. The treatment is brief - never lasting (from start to finish) for more than 10 minutes.

The last treatment is finished and I tell her I have a surprise. She consents with obvious veiled excitement (you know how children that age think they can hide something all the while their face is telling a story?). We leave the radiation room walking and she pauses to say, "Ride please." We have developed this system where she sits with her back against my chest and holds my thumbs much like a joystick or video game controller. This way I can walk and she can choose the direction. Once in the van I ask her to close her eyes and wait till I say so. She actually waited which came as a bit of a surprise if you know Jada.

The van parked in the Baskin Robbins on Knoxville in Peoria and we were the only customers. With sheer delight she wanders around looking at all the flavors and finally places an order...so do I and we just sit down. Now, the point of the whole post hinges on this next paragraph so pay close attention because for me the experience was like taking a funnel and tapping directly to my heart - pouring pure, deep, rich and freeing truth STRAIGHT IN!

I look across the table and pose what I think is a fair question: "Jada, you have been through lot these last couple weeks. Do you think God might be teaching you anything through it all?" Jada looks me square in the eye and says with a should shrug, "uh, not really." "C'mon" I say, "nothing?" She scrunches up her brow and says, "Oh, I know. He's been teaching me to care more for other people. Dad, today when Goober was crying about his stomach I should not have said that I had surgery and its harder for me. Because that is selfish and thinking only of me."

In Mark 10 the story is told of a Rich Young man who asked Jesus what he must do to be saved. Jesus knew that the conversation would eventually end in the young man's rejection of him. Verse 21 (CLICK HERE to read the passage) has been one of those verses I have always had a hard time grasping. It says, "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him..." (the rest of the verse explains that Jesus indeed answered his question) When was the last time you KNEW how someone would respond, yet you loved them regardless? Suffering like Jesus means that your deficit, as it were, pertains to your lack of vision for your own suffering. It does not mean a total disregard (read the account of Jesus and Gethsemane to see how Jesus still considered his own suffering). As I fired up the van to drive home I thought how easy it is- in a situation like ours to slap on the blinders like a horse and only think of we have been going through. Christ knew what he was about to suffer yet his heart LOVED even those who were his enemies.

So, compassion's deficit (rather a compassionate person) is simply its inability...scratch that... unwillingness, to focus solely on their imminent, present, or historical suffering. What a lesson from a 5 yr old. I have already cried at the beauty of God's shaping her heart in all this.

If tears were my song

2011-01-18T23:05:00.007-06:00

It started much like any trip home from Peoria had these last couple weeks; a bunch of chatter in the back seat from Jada who is constantly inquiring of me an explanation of something. However, as the radiation and chemo take their cumulative affect on Jada, we are noticing increased fatigue. She says to me after we drive about 2 blocks, "Dad, I am exhausted from this stuff, I am going to take a quick nap." That's it, she's out.

Earlier that evening I had snuck into the control room for the radiation oncology department where I snapped this photo of Jada from a monitor. Hard to watch is one thing, pain is another, anguish is likely the nearest English equivalent for the emotion I was experiencing. It gained strength as we headed to the car and began the drive home.

By the time we were crossing the bridge, I was shedding tears at a rate which makes driving difficult and breathing labored. This whole thing still has that element to it - - - the one where it creeps up on you without notice. Jada slept and I had some Kari Jobe (Jada's favorite singer) playing softly in the background. I got home and carried Jada from the car (the radiation saps her strength and although she can walk she prefers to be carried) to the couch. Her stay on the couch was not long as she was quickly acquainted with "her bucket." She kept that little life saver close for the next 3 hours as she hovered over it while I rubbed her and read Genesis 17-19 to her (She and I were having a disagreement earlier about the order of Abram's name change to Abraham...I happened to win that one). We had reinforcements with Diane Imig (who comes to administer one shot to Jada per evening), but it was a painful evening.

I went to bed thinking, "Lord, this is week 1 of 30 or so. Weary needs to be transformed into a more powerful word...possibly with a metaphor attached to really drive home the intensity of the emotions inside." In the purest sense I was asking for someone to validate my grief and make much of me - or at the very least - remind us of the promise of God in suffering and trial. The ultimate GOAL is hope which is poured into our hearts by God through the Holy Spirit (see Rom. 5:5).

So, my heart races to catch hold of the knowledge my head contains but will not easily relinquish (if for no other reason than the enemy's use). My lovely wife was now long asleep and therefore an excellent prayer target. I grab her hand gently and pray for the Lord's strength and that the Holy Spirit would do His job to remind us of all we have been taught (read John 14-16 to see this truth explained from the mouth of Jesus).

As my own head finally hit the pillow I thought of two final things worth sharing: one, Jessica and I are in the thick of it right now and our response, however hard it may be, is not in our own strength. JESUS IS OUR VICTORY...even if that victory is only climbing up the stairs to make a cup of coffee to get our day rolling after minimal sleep. To think otherwise is among the gravest of sins and really a marker of tremendous pride - an all out affront against the Spirit which actually grieves Him. To quote Francis Chan, "I pray for the day when believers care more about the Spirit's grief than their own."

Secondly, I continue to have the conviction of the LORD in my reading of the word. Particularly, the story of Sarah and Isaac struck me and has been wrestling my sense of composure (spiritual composure or always having it together) to the ground. Here's how: Sarah and Abraham had to be told NUMEROUS TIMES that the covenant was with them and God WOULD provide a son (I actually did not count - forgive me, we are short on time these days). Yet, they still tried to forcibly square-peg-round-hole the covenant into existence. Always gentle, always loving, God continues to take them back and explain Himself again. God is like that with me. Sure, I grow weary and discouraged - but I am realizing that it is the definitive pause at the top of his swing before the hammer comes down again to drive the truth even further into my heart.

This is what I put forward for your consideration tonight... if tears were your song (and God's definitive pause) what would be their refrain? "God, you don't understand how hard this is, why me, I HATE how this ALWAYS seems to happen to me." O R "For you are my lamp, O Lord, and my God lightens my darkness." (II Sam. 22:29).

Darkened Counsel

2011-01-16T23:10:00.003-06:00

Job 38:2 "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?"

Jess and I cannot and will not presume to fully know or explain God's grand scheme in all this. Its far too lofty for us to attain. Its beyond the scope of our finite logic. We resolve to not even step up to the plate, as it were, and take a swing. God's job is solely His, He's been doing it for years with great success - I am sure my suggestions ARE NOT some revelatory masterpiece that He's been fishing for since time began.

So, another day goes by and Jess and I take another deep breath and and try to see this from God's perspective. However, as any parent will likely tell you, when you put a few children in the same room and eavesdrop what you find may surprise you. Tonight, my parents (who are awesome by the way) came to lend a hand and just provide some encouragement. Jessica had brought Pierce upstairs and she handed him to my mom so she could get some things done (which is new for Jess - usually she's a soap opera and bon-bon girl).

Promptly after receiving him Oliver ran over and just did what Ollie does best - made a grunt of some kind, smiled and went back to playing basketball. Jada, however, said something that shall serve s the lesson for all of us tonight.

My mom asked if Jada wanted to hold Pierce and Jada immediately tells her, "grandma, you must be careful of his biblical cord (his umbilical cord is somewhat irritated right now)." My, father says, "Biblical cord?, what's that?" In plain, Jada only fashion, she says, "the Biblical cord is where he gets his life inside momma."

So, while we will not "darken the counsel of the almighty" by speaking of that which we know not - we may certainly stand on the promises found in the sweet pages of Scripture. The picture created in 1 Cor. 5:17 is that we are a new creation and Paul continues the metaphor later in Colossians by describing life "in Christ."

As our sweet Pierce was supplied life just a few short day ago by his "biblical cord" so Jess and I say to all - "Jesus is our breath of life - and His promises in the Bible our sure foundation."

(ps. notice my parents modeling this really strange idea Jesus had of disciplemaking, "relationships primarily through the modes of service and presence").

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welcome home - again -

2011-01-15T23:04:00.003-06:00

There is no way that one wakes up ready to handle what I can only term, "the onslaught of a new life." This new life includes things you never wanted to see or experience. However difficult it is though, Jess and I are always realizing this one thing - It is God's nature to bless.

A summary of today: Jada had chemo at 6:15am and was done before 7. She was given 8 hours of fluids before we could leave the hospital. She ate sparingly while I tried to catch up on some reading and writing (I have been keeping a detailed record of the GOODNESS of God in all this, as well as medical notes). We were picked up around 3:30 to come home.

What greets us as we arrive is the "Welcome Home" sign made by some very special friends, the Endress family (Tom, thanks for the metal reinforcement so they can easily be reused) - we have 8 more times we can read this sign after returning from the hospital over the next 7 months. I sat down with my computer tonight and asked Jessica for her thoughts or if there was anything she wanted to add to the blog tonight.

Jessica's words: "I guess I would describe this whole day as a continual blessing." "Really," I say - "why would you say that?" "A breast pump was bought and delivered for us (ours broke - not like I'm using it, but we are a team you know), we have not paid a dime for groceries in over a week, Maria Imig hung out for a few hours just serving me, and all of us are under the same roof."

Sure the hard times continue. Oliver has a fever and just got done vomiting yesterday, Pierce is adjusting himself to the schedule he's on (and doing quite well mind you), and Jada began vomiting tonight as a result of her chemotherapy. Because Jada had chemo today, I had to wear special gloves, disinfect, and take extra time cleaning everything really well...just after we heard her vomit I turned to Jess in the kitchen and said, "welcome to the next 7 months." But even now, as I type this I look at a painting Jessica did hanging over our mantle in the basement: it reads, "God has done great things for us and we are filled with Joy." Psalm 126:3.

I really wish I had time to list all the blessings we have been showered with, but the coolest thing by far Jess and I are sensing is the power and presence of the Spirit working in the lives of the Local Church (realize that our families are a given. I have learned and grown deeper with each sibling as this trial intensifies).

Dig deep now, click the comment button below this post and tell us what God has done for you that fills you with Joy... Jess and I wait eagerly.

no little disturbance

2011-01-14T22:30:00.007-06:00

²³About that time there arose no little disturbance concerning the Way.

Jada lies in her bed just 8 feet away from me - tossing and turning while at the same time gently moaning with abdominal pain; which I am told is a normal side effect for the chemo. There are few things more agonizing as a father than to watch your daughter do relatively well all day just to listen to her writhing in pain at night. It is, mind numbing and heart wrenching. Add to this that I met with a specialist today about wigs (for Jada's impending hair loss), gathered home health supplies for when we are discharged tomorrow, and learned that I have to personally administer 6 shots to Jada over the course of the next 6 days.

Jessica calls me after I learn of the shots (we had previously been told that Jada would not need to have any more "pokies,") and tells me she's having a hard morning but is sending Ollie over to see Jada and I. Ollie arrives and I go to grab him out of my aunt's van and I literally catch his vomit in my hands...an hour later he is home and has a fever of 102. Needless to say, when it rains it pours.

Now, if this were the end - it would be both sad and self-centered. However, I had a conversation on the phone tonight with someone who, after we were done and I had time to think about it, showed me a whole lot about God's process of refinement.

Everyone's hurting, right. I mean, look around you - there are divorces, children walking away from the Lord, job loss, broken family relationships and the list goes on. What Jess and I continue to discover in this journey is that God uses many things to get our attention - and until the cross-airs of my spiritual gaze are squared on Him I will continue to simply STARE down my issues and lament my existence. "Oh God, why me? Why did you have this lot fall on me? My life has been hard for too long."

Through it all my question is this: what is my intent in voicing MY LAMENT? A pat on the back and an anonymous donation (just an example - all monies will gladly be accepted) to help with the stress? The conversation tonight, and Acts 19:23 (above) have laid a heavy message on my heart that has been just working me over all evening - here's a peek...

Do we really believe we are part of THE WAY? I read all of chapter 19 in Acts and I challenge you to do the same. What you will find may challenge you. Because the believers lived their lives in communal harmony Demetrius (the silversmith) was legitimately scared that his trade was as good as gone. Have you ever considered the ramifications? The belief of the early church caused a CULTURE SHIFT. Entire trades were at risk of being uprooted in the town of Ephesus - and make no mistake - that kind of thing messes with the culture of a community.

If we suffer gloriously for Christ, and realize mortality matters if for nothing else but the immortality of God then maybe there would be "NO LITTLE DISTURBANCE IN THE PEORIA AREA CONCERNING THE WAY." The issue is not whether what I am going through is harder than what you have on your plate. For the constant throughout all human history is never the mode of human suffering. The CONSTANT is the GLORY OF CHRIST!

Ideally, folks would look at ALL of us and say, "he has a sick daughter, he just lost his job, she just got divorced, her car just broke down, he is buried in debt but THEY ALL have Jesus!!!

. . . Mortality Matters . . .

2011-01-13T22:37:00.006-06:00

"The state of being subject to death." There it is, the most concise definition of mortality that I could find on Dictionary.com. As I watched the first drips of chemotherapy going into Jada's IV today I caught view of the bag in the picture you see to the left. I swallowed hard and realized (yet again) we are not dealing with a flu or a seasonal but pesky cold. We are dealing with a very rare but also very deadly disease. "Alright, God has things under control," I say. Then I turn around just in time to see Dr. McGee. He is the one administering the radiation for Jada's treatment regimen.

He tells me that after the pathology findings Jada has gone from Stage 1 to Stage 2. This information you likely already know. What you may not know is that her chances for a cure decreased with that prognosis from 85% to somewhere in the 70s. Breathe deep Doug, pick up your phone, call your wife and let her know not to be alarmed. Just a few hours have passed since my lovely Jessica and Pierce (the newest addition to our family) visited Jada and already the joy of that has worn off with the sandblaster (forgive the weak metaphor) of unfortunate news, an all too common feeling these last few weeks.

However poor the news two things remain paramount in our thinking: one, Galatians 3:3 indicates that we have begun by the spirit and therefore cannot attain our goal by human effort. The Spirit of God has been with us in a near palpable way since day one - this means, quite simply, that Jessica and I CANNOT attain our goal by our own effort. "What's the goal?" you ask, simple - cling to Christ in faith and have others take note that we have been with Jesus.

Two, mortality matters because it is precisely what God is not. Psalm 90:1-4 says, "¹Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.²Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.³You return man to dust and say, "Return, O children of man!"⁴For a thousand years in your sight are

but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night."

If we had a God constrained by time as we are - we would not have a God who could comfort us, provide peace, PERFECT wisdom, or even atone for our sins. Its not as though I invite the news which cements Jada's (or for that matter my own) mortality. All I know is that it is YET ANOTHER stream of mercy by which God's character is made manifest to Jess and I.

Goodness has a name and it is "God!"

Sometimes God answers with severity.

2011-01-12T22:16:00.004-06:00

This afternoon I was sitting in the room with Jada while she slept - just listening to the rhythm of her breathing while praying about some of the decisions that face us.

As you may or may not know (depending on how often you check the blog) Jess and I finally named baby x . . . Pierce Anakin Rumbold. From the birth yesterday Jada and I went for testing which initially revealed Clear Cell Sarcoma of the Kidney - stage 1. I have been praying (along with Jess) about whether to forgo the radiation portion of the treatment in favor of reducing the overall toxicity to Jada's body and minimizing the impact on her ability to reproduce in the future. Some weighty issues to be sure up for consideration for a person of any age, but especially for a 5 yr old.

That being said, I began to contemplate God's timing and what He is trying to tell Jess and I. Just then another Dr. walked in...and honestly I don't remember his name (we have meet LOTS of people recently), but he asked if I had any questions. When I told him the gist of Jess and my thoughts on radiation he opened up a bit about how he has been praying for Jess, Jada, and I ever since this whole ordeal began. We prayed together and specifically we aimed at wisdom in handling the radiation. It was a sweet time of Christian fellowship in the truest sense (our bond truly was/is Christ).

Only 30 minutes later our oncologist shows up and says, "I have the full pathology in hand (up to this point he had initial results and not the printed full copy). The findings change two things," he said. "One, we can no longer say that Jada has stage one cancer. Because the tumor has punctured the renal cavity it has to be considered stage two." I was taken back, not sure how to process or what to feel - but that sensation is not new to us. Dr. Al continued, "this means that we no longer can drop the radiation as a variation in treatment - it IS the standard of treatment to administer the radiation." Ummm, ok, I see.

I returned to the room smiling at the grace of the Lord Jesus. Not 40 minutes previous I had prayed for wisdom that was not mine to help us make the decision. God openly reveals to us that our daughter's condition is slightly more serious and will require the radiation. Done. The decision is made thanks to God.

In the book of Job we discover that Job's friends really are not all that helpful. They had a faulty belief in what we would call the "retribution principle." The meaning is simply that they thought good get good from God, and bad get bad from God. Job must have done something wrong. So its to that end that all of their statements and intellect aim. Elihu, the youngest of Job's friends actually has a decent nugget to contribute to the discussion and its been on my heart all day and now that I am actually putting some stuff in writing, I see why.

In Job 32:7-8 it says," ⁷I said, 'Let days speak,and many years teach wisdom.'⁸But it is the spirit in man, the breath of the Almighty, that makes him understand." Elihu is making the case that experienced and learned men should speak first - then let the younger go next. I have been seeking the opinions of the medical community without truly consulting God. Once I dropped this faulty logic and picked up the "breath of the Almighty" God gave understanding sooner than expected. Now, the problem in this case is that the answer is not a nice piece of triple layer chocolate cake with a glass of milk to wash it down - its severe. Does His severity nullify His love and paternal care? Not at all. The Lord disciplines those He loves... He MUST love Jess and I (and Jada, Ollie, and Pierce) an awful lot.

And you shall call his name...

2011-01-11T23:04:00.003-06:00

Well, "nothing." That is what I continue to tell people as Jess and I revel in the blessing of a very amazing birth.

To be sure this little stretch of our lives has been hard but not void of blessing or grace. This morning was most poignant. We had prayed that the baby would come quickly when he came. The Lord saw fit to start labor at 4:30 am and have a child born to us by 6:23.

There are many things, to be sure, that I could share and desire to do so. But here is not the forum for that information. All anyone need know is that the birth was FAST, as painless as birth can be, and Jessica is doing VERY well.
He was 8lb 12oz. and 20.25inches long.

The irony here is that we were at home to deliver and I left less than 2 hours later to take Jada to St. Jude's for testing. Jada got to see her nameless baby brother and hold him before being readmitted once again (see yesterday's post: "Home was nice...But Jesus is Calling).

God's goodness continues to flow in two primary ways: one, Jada had a bone scan and brain MRI to check for bone cancer and brain cancer and both tests came back negative (AMAZING!). They have officially diagnosed Jada with a VERY RARE form of cancer called, "clear cell sarcoma of the kidney."

Today I held a baby, held the hand of my daughter through MRIs and CT scan's, and radiation simulations. After that I had the chance to meet with Dr. Al (our lead oncologist) - who delivered the results and walked me through all the side effects of treatment. Staggering!!! Jess and I will make final decisions on treatment tomorrow with chemotherapy and radiation likely to start Thursday. This means that while I love my little guy and my wife - I must be at the hospital with our firstborn during these VERY difficult days ahead. I am sleeping on a couch tonight listening to her breath and there is not a sweeter noise in all the earth.

So, if you are keeping track, that would effectively be both ends of the spectrum that Jess and I had the chance to walk through as a couple. God is good to give us this experience so we can comfort others and exalt the name of Christ.

Home was nice, but Christ is calling

2011-01-10T23:19:00.005-06:00

Let me be perfectly honest with you, I had high hopes that today would be uneventful. However, we do not serve a sovereign God who likes uneventful and predictable. And, as much as it may hurt to say this, our day was about as eventful as it can be.

We jetted out of the house to the St. Jude clinic today to get Jada's central line (chemo thing on her chest) cleaned and dressed. When we got there Dr. Al (our oncologist) brought in some paperwork with a foreboding look. He admitted that what he thought was a wilm's tumor (the most common form of kidney cancer in children with 400-500 cases a year) was in fact CLEAR CELL SARCOMA (very rare cancer with only 20 cases a year)! Jess and I just held hands and cried. There really are no words at that point. Just deep, deep pain.

So, back to the hospital we go tomorrow. Jada will have a bone scan and a brain MRI to determine whether the cancer has spread to her brain or bones. The frustrating thing is that at this point one of the tests means that Jess will cannot be near Jada for 24 hours (there is a radioactive dye that she has to be injected with before the scan).

The "events" kept coming. We are confronted with: admitting to the hospital, two scans, results on Wednesday, and Thursday is the day chemotherapy will begin. I like uneventful days - because they are predictable. Eventful is nice, if your are into that "extreme faith in God" sort of thing. Which, because of Jesus, Jess and I are. I will not lie - right now is a deeply disturbing time. Questions are flying and sadness runs high. But, that does not mean we cannot rejoice in this suffering or see the Smile of God in it.

At the end of the day this is what we know, our citizenship is in heaven. And we EAGERLY await a savior from there. But in this present life we have been promised trial, difficulty and suffering. Shall we bear up under it in the NAME OF JESUS? You bet we will. Right now we are shaking our firsts at God: frustrated, hurting, and ultimately just confused. But, here is the nugget that has been just disciplining me all day... God is our strength, Jesus our advocate, and the Spirit our ever-present intercessor. This is true in theory (aka when life is "all good") and it is also true when it stinks to live it (aka when everything is difficult, even the next breath).

Blessed be the LORD

2011-01-08T22:53:00.005-06:00

Blessed be the LORD... this is the way the Psalmist begins the 21st verse of the 31st Psalm. Not unlike many other Psalms where the writer is extolling some great virtue of the LORD by exclaiming that HE is to be praised, but its what follows that makes all the difference for Jessica and I.

On December 30th our daughter was told she has kidney cancer in the form of a wilm's tumor. While the pathology (the testing to determine the correct diagnosis) is still being done on Jada's football sized tumor she has been released from the hospital and is sound asleep about 12 feet from me right now in her own bed.

The rest of verse 21 says, "for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city." Thursday the 30th of December certainly felt like Jess and I were in a "besieged" city with no escape. The choke hold of death was around our hearts and it was squeezing tears out of our now weary eyes. However, in just a few days we have seen marvelous improvement in our daughter and it has been the cause for MUCH rejoicing.

In fact, the day after her surgery she whispered to me that she missed church and wanted to go back soon. I put that little thought in my "wouldn't that be nice but fat chance" pocket. But the Lord saw fit to humble me once again. Amazing!

Above you will see pictures of the last 24hours with her. My brothers offered to spend the night in the hospital so Jess and I might get some sleep debt repaid before baby #3 arrives. Then Jada makes silly faces with her mom and Jess. Finally, you see Jess and I dressed and ready to leave the hospital.

In short, there has been the blessing and grace of the Lord all over this. Tonight Jess and I lay in bed with Jada and watched a movie while just cuddling (Oliver returns to us tomorrow in case you're wondering). She is walking proof of many things, but one thing in particular that I urge you to consider. Prayer IS the answer! I have never been so deep in prayer as I have been this past 8 days - and neither have many who have interceded on her behalf.

I had nights when I could not sleep and I would just stare out the window, talking (literally praying) to the Lord. Spilling my thoughts onto paper has become more intense (I have always been a journaler), and making my emotions subject to the Lordship of Christ is also normal. God has amazed us so much during this that I am content to look at something huge without fear, worry or anxiety - because those all involve myself managing the situation. Not sure if you have ever tried the, "I'll be God today" thing...but I can tell you from experience you will get to the end of this sentence faster than you will actually have peace of mind and a comforted spirit.

Christ RULES and Blessed be the LORD because of it. He never ceased to rule just because life got hard for me. His ruling was just manifest in my tiny little mind.

buckle up

2011-01-07T22:14:00.008-06:00

Trenton is a child down the hall who is 8yrs old. We have come to know him as he and Jada will cart their I.V. units behind them down the halls gaining strength (not so much speed) each day. Trenton has a failing liver and just two days ago was rushed into emergency surgery for an exploded gal bladder. Each night his mother and father take shifts staying in the hospital as they have two other children, one of them is Trenton's twin. They are going on 4 weeks and little improvement has happened.

Here is what Jess and I know as are result of what we have experienced so far: unexpected tragedy is unrelenting and exhausting...just ask Trenton. We are only one week and a day into our experience of it and I can say with utter certainty that 18-20 hours of sleep over 8 days is not sufficient for anyone.

But clearly God has used this to show us something and have the building of our faith bless others - but before that happens He must still teach us some very important lessons. The lesson that Jess and I have learned (as if there were only one) so far is this: we are not the only ones going through something difficult, it just feels like it.

Trenton was walking to the end of the hall to meet me, he introduced himself and talked of his pain as though it was commonplace. Immediately my elder sister (Sheri Nafziger) taught me a wonderful lesson... "Its not about you Doug." For when Trenton walked up to me I was still wiping tears from my eyes and thinking of how I needed sleep to cope. My sister, standing next to me immediately put her hand on his head asked him his name and a few details. He obliged and instantly Sheri put her arm around him and said, "do you mind if I pray for you?" "Sure...GO ahead." was the response and she did. In those brief seconds I realized, others have it far worse, and beyond that some folks don't even have the hope of Jesus Christ living in them.

Trial without Christ can equate to a number of different adjectives. Among them are: bitterness, frustration, faithlessness, anger, fear, anxiety, loss of control, etc. Imagine facing a great trial without Christian community to support you and really point your often self-centered mind to Christ. It would be devastating! Jess and my hope is in Christ, not in medicine, or St. Jude's (while we are unbelievably thankful for any and all help we have received). Ultimately it is Jesus who heals and even percentages or statistics bow to that authority.

Oh, by the way, the Lord has seen fit to restore enough health to Jada that she will be sleeping in her own bed on Saturday January the 8th...that is tomorrow! Less than a week after MAJOR surgery she is literally a walking testimony of the grace and mercy of our loving Father.

While we still do not have pathology (the test results which will tells us the next step), the Dr. feels confident that Jada's recovery from surgery can and should happen at home. We are scheduled to return to St. Jude Clinic on Monday to meet with the Dr. and possibly get the pathology. Continue to pray...

Home...closer than you think

2011-01-06T23:58:00.006-06:00

The night could not even be remotely synonymous with the term rest, but that is just fine with us. I awoke at the hospital (now day 7) after having slept a total of about 2 or so hours. The Dr. had a constant fluid drip going for Jada to test her only remaining kidney - I am exhausted but can exclaim with confidence that it works well.
When you cannot go home, there are a few things that the LORD provides that let one understand that Home can easily come to them. It has been my habit now for a little while to simply wait until Jada falls asleep, post some pictures on facebook, journal, pray and read. Last night was no exception.
My door had a knock and what I found outside reduced me (and later Jessica) to tears. Graciously, my brother Ed and his daughter Jaylin had flown home from Slovakia. Jada woke at just the right time and upon seeing her cousin (whom she has not seen for a year) she blinked hard twice and a faint smile followed. AMAZING! God cannot put more of a personal touch on his blessing and goodness to us, right?
This morning we awoke to some good news (rather Jada awoke to some good news). "You can have some jello." After having surgery she has basically fasted since Sunday at midnight. She ate like I have seldom seen and my heart leapt with joy.
The day drug on and though Jada would get out of her bed for long stints and go for walks, she complains of significant abdominal pain and cries with each step - it seems healing (both physical and spiritual) is not without its pain.
However strong morphine was, the love of God and the bond of family is stronger. For tonight as the evening drew to a close my sister Jen (the one with a million children who lives in Colorado and is married to fireman Jon) walks in with a couple of her children (Kierra and Jedidiah). Again, I stand in awe of how God has stamped his personal touch on all of these blessings and our hearts continue to be encouraged despite the difficulty of this affliction - and what will likely be a treacherous road ahead.
Romans 6:13 says, "¹³Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness." I encourage you to look at that part, "...have been brought from death to life..." When someone ransoms their life for yours you would do ANYTHING for them. The ransom Christ paid for us demands UTTER generosity and humility on our parts, to do less is to tread light and arrogantly on the gift of God.
The offering of ourselves, especially our presence relationally, reflects our heart for the master. In short, Jess and I have some really godly family ALL AROUND us.

New Jammies and a Power Walk

2011-01-05T22:46:00.004-06:00

Days are long and painful, but good. Jessica and I are continually searching for things to be thankful for in the midst of this ordeal. They are not hard to find.

Here's one: slowly the staff are getting Jada to be sitting up. That was yesterday. Then this morning at 4:45 they began the task of prepping her for her epidural to be taken out (thus getting rid of numbness and severe pain control). They extracted the epidural and the catheter at the same time. Jada immediately said she had to go to the restroom.

The nurses came, put a bedpan at the end of the bed and scooted Jada to the edge - pointing to the bedpan, they said, "ready to go potty?" Jada took one look at it and said, "I'm not going in that! I want the big potty!" AMAZING - and really how Good has God been during this time?

That said, Jada finished her trip by returning to her bed, walking gingerly and complaining of stomach pain. The nurse told her we were going to continue walking out of the room to the nurse's station. Jada flatly refused, even with tears, and stated emphatically, "my outfit is ugly" (she was in yellow hospital scrubs). The nurse asked if she had new Jammies if she'd take a walk. Jada agreed.

Two hours later, Jammies arrived (thank you Rachel Rumbold and Sonya Hillrich). Jada promptly emptied her bladder and walked to the nurse's station (pictured above). So, moral? Buy Jada Jammies and she'll walk with you. Or maybe its something a little deeper...

Psalm 34:4 says, "I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears."
Jada literally grabbed my hand and said, "Daddy, I am scared, my belly hurts and I cannot walk." I whispered in her ear, "Jada, Jesus is your strength (the constant refrain from all who whisper in to her sweet ear)." SHE WALKED! What faithfulness our creator has in his heart for those who seek him.

The blessing of Affliction

2011-01-04T23:25:00.005-06:00

We approached the pre-operation room with a fair bit of trepidation, who doesn't? But we knew going into that it was going to be a difficult ordeal. "Ok," you say, "its gonna be hard." So, Jessica and I wheel our lovely 5 yr old back to the room and begin to tell her stories. A line of different Dr.s come to see her. You can see it in her eyes and witness her body language. The time is drawing near. Just moments before our daughter goes under the knife to have what later would be known as a "huge" tumor (10 inches x 6 inches) removed she motions for me to come near.

Her tiny little body is covered in blankies and all the comforts we can afford physically while her heart is held up in prayer. As I get right next to her lips - she whispers soft and gently, "Daddy, I don't want to cry." and then she begins to briefly shed a few tears.

Jess and I pray with her, assure her of the Lord's strength in her, and head off to the waiting room. In the next 4.5 hours we worshiped, prayed, cried, read the Word, and kissed doubt, fear and worry goodbye. God's peace enveloped us as we waited to meet with the surgeon.

"Everything went well" was the report - and now we wait for further results of testing (aka, the pathology of the tumor). But the neat part is what follows: Jada woke from surgery and motioned for me to come near again. This time what she whispered warmed my heart further, "I (pant pant pant), LOVE (pant pant), you." Those words made all the tears and all the prayer worth it. But that is not where God desires that it end.

This morning as I sat reading my Bible, and praying while Jada lay asleep and before the onslaught of support (aka - Christian community) came - I had a vision of hope for my daughter (and for that matter, my family).

In Acts 5 the apostles were called into the council and beaten and told not to speak the name of Jesus. I have a vision for my family that says essentially this, "thank you Jesus, that you have counted us worthy of suffering." For it is too easy in times like ours to raise both of hands in anger at God for what appears to be an injustice. But, if we are not careful, having both fists clenched toward the heavens teaches us a one-sided view of suffering and trial. That view, sadly, is all about me (or in this case, Jada). We are encouraged in the Bible to express our anger or frustration with God (clenched fist), but let us not forget to keep the other hand open to receive the blessing from the affliction.

If the Gospel was delivered with great pain to the Lord Jesus (difficult emotionally, and spiritually - not to mention physically) how am I (or Jess, Jada, and Oliver) to expect that God would deliver the truth and depth of the Gospel love he has for me without some level of affliction? The answer: we are not to expect anything less!

In Hebrews 2:10 it says that Christ was made perfect through suffering. You and I are made to resemble Christ MORE as we suffer. Its just not our chosen vehicle.

Annual Rumbold Wrap Up

2010-12-17T14:42:00.007-06:00

- you have need -

2010-09-05T07:14:00.004-05:00

Last night at a youth ministry gathering commonly referred to as the Cabin, we had the joy of praying for and sending off a student to a semester of study in worldview training in Colorado. That in and of itself may not sound too significant, but a brief explanation of the person and situation will serve the context.

This particular student happens to be a recent High School grad and on the bubble of decision which so many his age face. The decision for him to head off to do a semester of ministry and worldview training was not arrived at lightly and likely will not be an easy task. On his mind is sacrifice...coupled with confidence. He is sacrificing a semester (or more) of time that could be spent in school on the career track leading to a wife, 2.5 children, a well paying job and a white picket fence.

Now, before you jump to conclusions and think that my writing is a some sort of favoritism megaphone, let me spell out for you the example this young man of faith (and I do think he has great faith) is setting for us. In Hebrews 10 confidence to meet continually with Jesus was outlined because some believers at the time were trying sort of a hybrid faith thing; combining Judaism and Christianity. They were putting their confidence in their flesh (or ability to provide and sustain their faith).

The exhortation from the author comes by way of appeal - (v35)"Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward." Their confidence was found way back in verse 19 - "the blood of Jesus." And why was he appealing? The beginning of v36 reveals it, "For you have need of endurance..."

So, as this student steps out in faith to do what God has called him to do he will have need of endurance. That endurance will be found not in his ability to sustain faith or good favor with God. Rather, that endurance is intrinsically linked to Jesus' blood and sacrifice.

Wisdom

2010-05-20T10:16:00.004-05:00

The kingdom of Israel had just experienced a very traumatizing thing, although in those days it was not uncommon for there to be a fair bit of drama moving from king to king. Some context here will serve to establish a foundation.

David is now old and advanced in years, having already pronounced Solomon as his successor – one of his rebellious sons, Adonijah decides he is going to insert himself as king! Imagine the uproarAs has already happened so many times before the voice of the Lord is intentionally ignored (1 Kings 1:9-10, 1 Samuel 22:11-19). David, being revered among the people, is so frail he must be personally attended 24/7 and now Adonijah is threatening his father’s posterity as king at his weakest moments. Understandably Nathan (the prophet) and Bathsheba (David’s wife and mother of Solomon) represent the nation’s concern over this grievous sin. To really have a grasp of the enormity of this situation and the injury it surely will bring to the kingdom as well as God’s name is hard for a 21^st century person. It is easiest for an American believer to liken it to the entire governing structure being overthrown in a one-week span, a new (unknown) leader (somehow related to the president) to be self-inserted, and to turn on any news source and see scrolling on the bottom of the screen issues arising from the man’s life which reveal unspeakable pride and self-centeredness regarding his agenda for the nation. Ok, now we have a fair reckoning of the grand nature of this scheme of Adonijah’s.

David meets and destroys this diabolical plan by making it crystal clear that Solomon is God’s chosen king after him. So, here is Solomon, barely 20 years of age, the kingdom has just a short while ago been in an absolute uproar, and now his father is dead. It is no wonder that in 1 Kings 3 we see God visiting Solomon in a dream in which he asks God for wisdom. So, why wisdom? Have you ever given yourself the permission to question that decision of Solomon – or did you just chuck it out the window and say, “isn’t he the guy that had 700 wives and 300 concubines? Should I really listen to his wisdom?”

The next issue a heart must wrestle with is the transcendence of this story in general. If 75% of the Bible is communicated via story should I not reckon this to have a direct bearing on my life and ministry for the King of Kings? The obvious Sunday school answer is “yes – this matters” (see Prov. 4, especially verse 5). God wants me to get wisdom. First of all then, what is wisdom? Wisdom, as it appears in this text, could literally be rendered “a hearing heart” tuned to the voice of God.

“A hearing heart.” I could simply publish this article and stop at a hearing heart and have a captive audience (myself included) who hangs on the meaning of those words in the here and now. Our culture simply DOES NOT get this, yet it is vital if we are to be a people for God’s own possession to do his good, pleasing and perfect will. The heart, as Luke 6:45 speaks of, is the absolute control center from which our decisions, emotions, and words (among many other things) flow. When Jesus, in the Gospels, really wants to drive a point home he will often say something like this: “he who has ears let him hear… (insert life altering and amazing teaching).” He is not simply asking if they are listening, he is begging a heart-oriented response to the words he is about to say. Why? Suppose you have all the wisdom in the world in your mind but never carry it out? What good is it? Not a mite of good – anyone will tell you that (as will James 2:14-26). So, reckon now in your heart of hearts, wisdom is a heart thing and MUST BE intensely practical (Solomon’s rule with the 2 prostitutes in 1 Kings 3:16 as one example of practical wisdom).

Where did Solomon get derailed then? It would appear, from sheer biblical evidence, Solomon certainly did not have a perseverant wisdom. Does this mean I cannot, nor should not hope for it in prayer? My answer to the earnest reader of this is “no.” You should hope for it in prayer and seek it through your interaction with the Scriptures. What is the key or where shall I have perseverant wisdom?

Wisdom being heart-oriented must have its beginnings, and its sustenance, in the FEAR of the Lord. Fear of God is rooted in a few different Hebrew words meaning, “reverence, dread and terror.” There are many elements to FEAR, more than I am listing here but I use these three because they are most commonly used throughout the Old Testament and would have been closest to Solomon’s understanding of FEAR as used in Proverbs 1.

Ask yourself a simple question, “do the three words above represent my view of God on a regular basis?” Furthermore, name at least two benefits one receives from having this view of God (see Matt. 10:28, II Cor. 5:11, 7:1, Eph. 5:21 for some clues). Fear is filial, rooted in God’s father-type love for mankind and therefore always has hope tethered to it.

In closing, I urge you to consider that wisdom is only as good as the fear which precedes it. Solomon begun this way, but soon was swayed by the sweet tasting delicacies of affluence, lust, and authority (also known as money, sex and power). God will not deny you if you ask for wisdom. Make no mistake, however, FEAR is essential and gives you the “hearing heart” tuned to God’s voice which is wisdom’s happy home.

"I like this guy"

2010-04-16T06:56:00.006-05:00

Luke 18:9-14 recounts the story of a pharisee and a tax collector praying in the temple. I'll let you read it for yourself - while I will level my keypad and thoughts at telling you why I like the pharisee.

"Whoa," you may say, "this guy is clearly in the wrong - you cannot be serious." The fact of the matter is this, as a pastor I love that this guy fasts twice a week, gives tithes on everything (picture getting a birthday card with $20 and tithing 10% back to the church), and is aware that he is set apart from others. I like this guy.

So, what makes my "like" of this guy conditional? It's simple, he opened his mouth. Matthew 12:34 Jesus aims his criticism at the pharisees when he says, "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Once this pharisee (in Luke 18) opened his mouth it was apparent to everyone where his heart was.

I encourage you today, understand and embrace the humility of the tax collector who opened his mouth and said, "be merciful to me, a sinner." Is fasting twice a week wrong, no. Is tithing on EVERYTHING wrong, no. Together lets beg God to show us piety for the sake of God not the sake of man.

One Good Thing Leads to Another

2010-04-01T11:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday afternoon was beautiful. The wind was gently blowing, the temp around 73 and I had a cup of coffee in my hand - sitting on a lawn chair in the front yard. After taking a sip of coffee and closing my eyes for a bit to take in the early spring weather, I was wakened by giggles and the picture of nail products you see.

After some arm twisting from Jada (daughter) and Emily (the neighbor girl) I consented to allow the girls to paint my fingernails. What ensued was a magnet of all the macho neighborhood boys (shirts off riding their bikes in circles like sharks on blood) hovering over the three of us and throwing little jabs here and there about how boys don't paint their nails. Perseverance, I reminded myself, perseverance. Its biblical...especially under great duress from children (all between the ages of 5-9). Undeterred, I decided to once again enjoy the weather and pay no mind to the comments (it really wasn't that bad). But something kept happening.

The Lord kept asking me to invite the kids over. So, without thinking about it, literally, I said, "hey, don't you think we should do a movie night with popcorn and snacks in our basement?" Their eyes widened like saucers and immediately they agreed. So, I went and spoke with all their parents and tonight we have our first "Neighborhood Movie Night." Sure, I endured some ridicule for my nails and my enjoyment of the weather, but now we get to have about 8 kids into our home to hang with for an entire evening. How good is God?

Quality, Quantity or neither: you decide

2010-03-27T15:11:00.006-05:00

Here's the deal, I sat this morning on a couch and watched the sunrise over a cup of coffee while reading a story in Luke chapter 7. I have read the story a number of times before, but this one was different. "Why?" you may ask. I'm glad you have an interest. The answer may surprise you.

In the story Jesus is at some prominent Pharisee's (Simon) home when a broken woman comes on the scene. Traditionally, this passage is taught in a "do you have messy stuff no-one else wants, come to Jesus and he will forgive you...and you will be SO APPRECIATIVE." which is not all bad, but bears closer scrutiny.

However, as I watched the sunrise I could not help but think God was trying loose the bonds of a sin caste system of sorts. This old method of teaching the passage almost always results in people who grew up with relatively "minor" sins casting an appraising glance at those "dirtier and deeper" sins in others.

Listen, that is not the point. Jesus, is getting at something much deeper when he says in 7:42, "...her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." The point is not that she was a prostitute and came to Jesus to be cleansed, although that is part of it. In a very elementary way Jesus is saying, "Simon (pharisee), she recognizes her need of me, you don't - therefore you extend little love to her."

So, brass tacks, what kind of damage are we talking here if I have lived apart from this understanding of forgiveness and love my whole life? Here it is: Its not how much (quantity) you sin, or how great (quality) your sin is; it IS whether you find in Jesus a REAL, LASTING, and PERFECT solution for ALL sin. For when you do you will be free to Love Much for you have been Forgiven Much. (The whole story is in Luke 7:36-50).

I invite your comments as to what you learned from this or how it challenged you.

What's worth imitating?

2010-03-16T22:13:00.005-05:00

Just a night or two ago I had asked my daughter (Jada - 5yrs) to prepare for bedtime. I was beginning to get a little frustrated with her for not being instantaneously obedient (as nearly every 5yr old is, right?) and when I rounded the corner to show my urgency to her, this is what awaited me. It evoked a thought in me which shall take a moment to unravel, but bear with me as there is a great lesson in it for all us.

First, an explanation of the picture - these are polly pockets, a miniature doll which one can dress up and play with for hours: currently this would be my daughter's vice. What, you may ask do these toys have to do with anything? I am glad you asked, they have everything to do with anything.

Paul, an apostle of the Lord Jesus, writes to a church who is struggling to know their identity or who to follow. He encourages them in this way: "...but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate" (2 Thess. 3:9). So, shortly and simply put - discipleship must be imitation. Paul tells the church, "hey look, I have not got it perfect, but imitate me and that will lead you to Jesus."

These polly pockets are imitating something. Jessica (my wife) often works out and Jada imitates her, putting on work out clothes and doing push ups etc. The other night she placed these dolls on the floor, in formation so that they could do push ups with mom.
I encourage you, if you are a parent, lean in to those moments where your child is imitating you. It may just lead them to Jesus.

I invite your comments, share a story or let everyone know what God has been teaching you on this idea of disciplemaking in the home.

Called to...the mundane

2010-03-05T06:37:00.002-06:00

common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative

This would be the definition of "mundane" according to dictionary.com. Now, the question before us is a simple one - but has two parts:

Is Jesus Lord over our mundane? Because, quite honestly, if He does not rule in our mundane we certainly will have a difficult time relinquishing control in ALL OTHER AREAS.
Dream with me...God calls us to a mundane task for 40 years - are we in a spot where this makes sense and can still walk in the worship of God despite the dreadfully common task He daily lays before us?

Reading through Numbers 4:47-49 the mundane carries unbelievable weight. "...all the men between 30 and 50 years of age eligible for service in the Tabernacle and for its transportation numbered 8,580...each man was assigned his task and told what to carry."

These men literally just carried things from the Tabernacle throughout the desert for years. Pretty mundane. However, if they did not carry out their task God was not properly worshiped. So, I ask again, is Jesus LORD over our mundane and can we walk in worship despite the simple unrecognizable task God lays before us?

I invite your comments on this one - click "comment" below to chime in

Our Lives...a breath?

2010-02-22T07:44:00.004-06:00

Clearly there are days when "eternity" as a functional concept is FAR FROM US. Let's use a fictitious but very 'real' example:

I wake early in the morning and my thoughts are consumed by how the day is shaping up already - and its only 5:45am. I have this meeting and I have that meeting, I have this deadline that must be met and this other person over here who needs something explained to them... and on and on it goes. In the middle of all these thoughts about my day I am riddled with the fear that something may occur to my job - that I will be out of work. As I navigate away from details of the day and to possible job loss my heart skips a beat. By this point I am sufficiently convinced there is little happening anywhere else because it MUST all be happening to me...

The example here may be a little exaggerated or it may be right on target - you must be honest with yourself. The point is this: all of us struggle knowing God is TRULY in control. What we desperately need is slight dose of perspective. Psalm 39:4-5 "O Lord make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am...surely all mankind stands as a mere breath."

Lord conquer fear in me that I might rightly view ALL OF LIFE from your perspective. Amen

...with authority...

2010-02-15T08:08:00.007-06:00

With the popular credo these days clearly displayed (Question Authority), I thought we might question, well the questioning of authority:
My thought process goes something like this (see if you don't agree with me here)

I take in all kinds of opinions throughout the day (friends, teachers, parents, etc...)
I filter all of those through what I see in culture and society ever day since I can remember: "do all these people really want what's best for me?"
Then I come to this conclusion - "nope...they can't possibly know what's best or even want that for me, therefore I will question them every time."
Steps 1-3 are repeated every time I come to the Bible and hear directives, rebuke, or challenging statements given...and I conclude: "Certainly God does not know what is best for me, therefore I will question Him every time it does not suit me."

Mark 1:27 "Amazement gripped the audience, and they began to discuss what had happened. 'What sort of new teaching is this?' they asked excitedly. 'It has SUCH AUTHORITY! Even the evil spirits obey his orders!'"

Food for thought -

Annual Rumbold Wrap-Up

2009-12-21T11:48:00.009-06:00

Perseverance - Character - Hope

2009-11-09T07:47:00.002-06:00

A beautiful morning it was - sun shining, gentle breeze and runners ready. I had my camera slung over my shoulder ready to capture the memories. I watched the field ready themselves and the race began.

Nearly every runner was excited and looking fresh at the beginning. I ran from corner to corner to snap pics and encourage every runner I knew. I began to notice something as each race (both the guys and gals) wore on: they began to look a little weary and tired. As each race drew to a close the last 300 meters seemed especially difficult but the most exciting as strength and speed we evidenced in their increased effort.

As I had a conversation with some of the runners after the race my heart was reminded again of Romans 5:3-5. In the final, extremely difficult stretch when it seemed all strength was gone a few of the runners made the statement: "I had nothing and I called out to God for help and it was amazing how immediate He sent that help."

Our trials are designed by God to produce perseverance which in turn produces character and finally Hope. Hope is always tethered to an unchanging object. In this case - Jesus CHRIST! What a testimony for Him as the students drew upon their relationship with Christ for strength to finish STRONG!.

Parents...

2009-10-16T11:21:00.006-05:00

If you are a parent (or plan to become one) consider the following:
What is my role as a parent? Better yet think of the illustration of sheep.
Sheep are helpless, left to their own devices they will not seek food, protection or shelter. They will passively stand by and watch as their fellow sheep get mauled by a predator. The Bible, however teaches that Jesus IS the Good Shepherd and that the Good Shepherd lays down his life for the sheep (John 10:11).The verses in I Peter 2:24-25 are most helpful here:
1. Jesus bore our sins - children need to know it is not theirs to bear
2. He bore our sin so we might die to it - helping our children "die" to sin means always connecting sin to the Gospel (where there is great hope) not just our expectations as parents.
3. Live to righteousness - do our children see in us a joy in living for Christ or a white-knuckle, stick-it-out-to-eternity type of resolve...this determines, in large part, what they make of Jesus growing up.
4. His death heals - there is great comfort in the wounds of Christ...for Hebrews 9:22 tells us that unless he bled an died we cannot live (or be forgiven).
5. Good Shepherd - Our joy, as parents, in returning daily to our Shepherd and Overseer is of great communicated value to our children. Shepherds are not forceful, but gentle and calculating.
I value any comments - click the comment button and leave your thoughts

Evangelism 101

2009-09-30T20:55:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered how it is that we understand and "do" evangelism? Well, the following video is a post spurred by a recent youth group sermon. One of the students asked if I could post my presentation online - so I exported it as a movie and here it is. The movie may not transition quickly (the whole song plays at the beginning before the next slide comes) so be patient.

Here are some of the notes:
Know the Gospel: Paul says this is of "first importance." That means there is nothing more important than the Gospel in Paul's eyes, and should be in mine as well.
1. I Cor. 15:1-5
a. Jesus died for our sins
b. Was buried
c. Raised to life (Rom. 4:25)
Know how to Share it:
1. Think - think of those in your immediate context (II Cor.6:17 don't let your separation become total isolation; Matt. 11:19-be a friend of sinners)
2. Pray (Eph. 6:18 & II Thess. 5:17 - Pray continually, always, in the spirit for those in your sphere of influence)
3. Seek - seek to know what's going on in your friend just as Job's friends sat and listened to him (Job 2:13)
4. Share - "We are Christ's ambassadors as though he makes his appeal through us..." (Read II Cor. 5:11-21)

Word in the Woods 2009

2009-09-24T16:27:00.002-05:00

October 29th-30th the Northfield Youth Group will be at Turkey Run
State Park in Indiana...So, what is Word in the Woods you might ask -
Word in the woods is a GREAT time of Camping, Hiking, and getting into
God's word - all for $20. Check out the flyer. The deadline for your
$20 fee is the 21st of October.

I Feel So ALIVE!!!

2009-09-04T11:13:00.002-05:00

so we are driving home from vacation and jada is in the back drawing and she makes a triangle.
normally not a big deal but this day what she said in response to her drawing was priceless.
she holds up her drawing and says, "dad... i feel so alive when i draw triangles."
i have often wondered why it is that she is SO amazed at simple things. i guess its a helpful reminder for all of us... God gives us life, breath, food, family, community, etc... you get the picture.
lesson: feel alive today - over something simple.

Jesus - My Humility Part 2

2009-04-13T16:20:00.005-05:00

So, admittedly as I have aged, Jesus has brought into my life little (or not so little) events which have caused me to realize the necessity of humility. There is a common thread in all events in my life concerning humility: it happens to be a choice. Jesus did not find himself on the cross as accidental act of obedience to the Father. That fact of humility, CHOICE, being duly noted - let me just ask you to examine your own heart as you read on. The tendency, I know (because we are not so different you and I), is to think, "man, so and so could totally use this information, or my husband is so arrogant - maybe I can get him to read this, etc, etc etc; but I implore you - be reconciled to God first. Horizontal relationships will follow.
Last post we talked about the humility of Christ - this one deals in specifics. In regards to humility and Philippians 1:27-2:11:

Recognize your need & your position in Christ (1:27): a life worthy of the Gospel should be taken positionally in Christ - the behavior will follow the position.
Reorient your life (2:6): Practically, for us this is the use of gifts, talents, money, time, etc it is all subject to the purpose and plan of God. Do you have money - its God's, do you have time available - its Gods, etc etc etc.
Render your service (2:7-8): One cannot serve another person when they believe themselves to be innately better. Ask yourself this question when serving someone – how does what I am doing right now evidence the death of Christ in me and promote it whom I’m serving?

Finally, as I said in the previous post - I preached on this very topic in my church recently. CLICK HERE to listen to either of those sermons (they came in two parts like the blog).

Please add your thoughts by clicking on the "comment" link at the bottom. Be patient with the audio files, they are large and will take a while to load.

Jesus - My Humility Part 1

2009-04-06T20:32:00.010-05:00

I'll tell you what's difficult - being young, being someone who is easily termed a "recovering pride-a-holic," then preaching on humility. I know of no one less qualified than I to even touch that with a ten foot pole. However, the irony of God knows no bounds so I endeavored to teach on this very topic recently. This post then will be in two parts, one today and part two to follow soon. This post will cover Christ's humility displayed - really a close look at Phil. 2:1-11.
The three 'E's of Christ's humility:
1. Exercise (Phil.2: 6-7)– where Jesus was in the form (or essence) of God but did not see it as a source of entitlement BUT made Himself subject to God. The term exercise was carefully chosen to illustrate the active and continual nature of Jesus' humility.
2. Extent (Phil. 2:8)- He chose to do everything that humans do (eat, sleep, go to the restroom, etc) to the point of death on a cross. The significance of that cannot be overstated as execution on a cross was indicative of the curse of God. Galatians 3:13 says that he (Jesus) bore the curse for our sin. So the extent of His humility...was sufficient to save.
3. Exaltation (Phil. 2:9-11)- the result then of Jesus humility was being exalted and all confessing the Lordship of Jesus – But as v. 11 states, He was humble “…to the Glory of God the Father.” Ultimately, us being humble is not for us, but for the glory of God.
Well, I leave you to consider Jesus and His humility along with the implications for your life as you wake tomorrow. Stay tuned more is coming on humility and feel free to add your comments below.

The Foremost - Part 2

2009-02-06T07:02:00.005-06:00

The foremost... the words of the Apostle Paul ring in my ears and sting my heart. He says that of ALL people, he is the worst, most disgusting sinner on the planet.
As I think through the lives of people like Ted Bundy (murder and rapist - see recap below) I am astounded Paul would indicate that he is worse off. I have often wondered why he takes that view of himself. We did not have too much discussion (one comment on the previous post and a few emails to me) but, for what its worth here is my take on Paul's bold claim in I Timothy 1:15-16:
Paul says he is the the worst of sinners not because of false humility rather it is because that displays the glory of God to forgive. You see in verse 16 after Paul says he is the worst he explains why - so that Christ's UNLIMITED patience might be revealed and others come to salvation.
So, "what does that mean," I am asked. There are a few applications of this truth:

If I am the "worst of sinners" then NO ONE is disqualified from the grace and forgiveness of God - Think on those words for a bit. We often want to present ourselves better and more righteous after being saved but forget that does little to model Grace for the observing non-believer in Christ.
My salvation is not for me...alone. Rather, it is to be told and retold with the understanding that Jesus was GREAT to save me and the depth of my sinfulness combined with Jesus' patience moves others toward a relationship with Christ.

I would love to hear your thoughts here - really take a moment to comment.

The Foremost - Part 1

2009-01-30T06:59:00.004-06:00

Ted Bundy was an unbelievable man. During the 1970s he went on a rampage murdering and raping over 30 women - though the actual figure is unknown. He was apparently a normal, non-ambitious male whose life was just under the radar, never really being noticed by anyone. Over a period of 10 years or so he raped and murdered a number of women, no one really ever knowing what "snapped" inside him. Just the thought of that type of desensitization boggles the mind.
I am forced to think, even as I read though his biographical information, how vile and awful a man he must have been. I cannot even begin to see myself getting anywhere near that insane. The more I think about his crimes the more I think of the distance between myself and him - he's a killer, I am a youth pastor. He was a rapist, I am a husband and father. The distance between him and I seems too far to traverse - but is it really?
In 1st Timothy 1:15&16 the apostle Paul calls himself, "the foremost" or worst of sinners. Really? The guy who wrote literally 75% of the New Testament is worse than me? hmmm.
What do you make of such a bold and stiff claim? Certainly I am better off than Bundy, or any other murderer or rapist out there, right?
Jot down your thoughts by clicking on the comment key and tell me what you think...part 2 to follow shortly - - -

Remnant

2009-01-19T06:51:00.005-06:00

It was a Monday evening...those are special to me because it is my only day where I have no ministry commitments and I am alone with my family. We were dining at the finest pizza place in the central Illinois area - I am, of course, speaking of Monical's Pizza. Enjoying piece after piece and laughing with my wife at all the crazy things a three year old girl says.
Now, the following deserves a disclaimer - I love my daughter, I really do - but there are times I specifically wonder, if she is God's test for my understanding of love?
Here is what transpired: Jada, who never liked soda before that evening says she wants to taste mine. I concede, knowing that she will contort her face and call it, "spicy," stick out her tongue and go back to her lemonade. WRONG. She contorts her face as I thought, but when she sees my laughing reaction - as well as my wife's - she says in a very coy way, "yum, that soda is super good, its the goodest soda ever!" We all know what happens next - her greasy, sauce-filled hands are all over my drink and now I have new objects of avoidance inside my cup each time I go to get a sip...you know, floaties or Remnants if you will of her last bite (not drink, bite).
The next morning I awoke and was talking with God about the day and my thoughts. As I told Him how much I loved my family and thanked Him for the day off I was reminded of the drink. Very clearly He showed me, "Doug, you're the sauce-filled, floatie leaving, coy commenting child with Me and My Gospel. I entrust to you the message that alone can save - understanding that there are two was you can go about it: in your own power, or through the power of the Holy Spirit."
Really, the fact that people come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ shows that God can work in spite of us. Today, consider how Great of a God we serve and how he has entrusted with such a great message - The Gospel. Then, take your sauce-filled hands and floatie leaving sips, and go share it with those in your relational sphere of influence.

Rumbold Wrap-Up

2008-12-17T23:09:00.012-06:00

Celebrating the birth of Jesus is the beginning point to really appreciate His eventual sacrifice made for all. So, it is with a grateful heart that we offer you some of the joy God has blessed us with this year by giving you a snapshot of all the craziness that is "Rumbold" for the year 2008.

January began Jess and my fourth year of marriage. Since we promised to have four to five years of childless bliss maritally one need not study the picture above too hard to know that my Rumbold DNA betrayed our confession. Be that as it may, Jess and I are extremely happy to report that while we made our plans God determined our steps.

As Spring came and went Jess grew more round and uncomfortable every day forcing sleepless nights and much anticipation. Strangely, Jess still remained committed to her third love (God first, me second) Body Pump. This is Jessica's workout class at the gym where she continues to gain new friendships and impact those outside our family with the love of Jesus. July 9th arrived and with it so did our not-so-little bundle of joy Oliver Benjamin Rumbold: 9lbs 8oz. He arrived at a full 2lbs heavier than his sister - who could not have been more delighted...and remains so till this day. As the pictures CLEARLY indicate Ollie is not missing any feedings and with two mommies, he is quite well cared for. He already enjoys saying, "mum...mum..." and smiling incessantly whenever Jess is in eye shot - total Momma's boy.

Jada is growing, sometimes a little too fast for my comfort. She is completely immersed in dress-ups, being a surrogate mommy to anything or anyone who will have her, talking, make-up, nails, talking, signing her songs about God, talking, and pretty much talking. Her passion for communicating the love of God is amazing. Jess and I are stunned daily at her comprehension. A story will suffice here: As we ate lunch the other day she asks me if she can use her toy cell phone to call God and pray for our meal. I told her to go ahead. She presses two digits and I say, "honey, I think you need to dial a few more numbers." She responds, "silly dad, God is on speed dial." "Really?" I said. When finished I asked if she told Him goodbye. She quips, "dad, it is SOOOO silly for us to say goodbye to God, He is always here." We are in love with how God is shaping her.

In September we went on vacation to Oklahoma where Jada and Ollie got to experience the Zoo and other wonders of ranch life as we visited some friends. In October I (Doug) was able to go to Seattle for 8 days for an intense church planting seminar/training called Soma School. I learned a great deal about God's word that impacts me even now and will likely be a huge blessing to my ministry at Northfield Christian Fellowship (where I pastor). The picture here is Todd Morr and myself.

Jess and I continue to dream up ways of loving each other and growing in our appreciation for the gift of marriage. She really is a dynamic and amazing woman who runs the ins and outs of our home with incredible excellence. Our prayer is to grow together as a couple on mission for Jesus Christ.

One final note: I arrived home from church tonight and Jess recounted to me how she was explaining the plan of Salvation to Jada and the relationship God wants to have with us through Jesus. Jada asked Jess to say it slowly so she could pray each phrase and invite the Lord into her heart personally. Jess told me that as she finished praying Jada squealed with excitement...what a Christmas present - a daughter reconciled to the Lord because of Jesus. AMAZING!!!

The Role...or roles of the Holy Spirit

2008-12-03T15:29:00.006-06:00

"Well, why don't you just unload a small topic to chew on Doug?" "Thanks I think I will."
That was the conversation in my mind over the last couple weeks as I taught this very topic to my youth group: The Role of the Holy Spirit. The great issue at stake is not whether I can rightly cover all the theological corners of the doctrine of the Holy Spirit. Rather, it is to give a rough idea of some of the functions of the Holy Spirit in an effort to increase our desire to live by it. In that vein then, I offer some excerpts of my notes. Four different functions of the Holy Spirit:

A guarantee or down payment: In Ephesians 1:13-14 Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit (HS) is a seal that is also a guarantee of our inheritance. When a person places faith and trust in the shed blood of Jesus they are marked with the HS as an identifier that they belong to God.
A helper or guide: Lets be honest, in this life it is categorically impossible to please God alone. Don't forget weathering life's intense trials, financial instability, moral dilemmas, the Bible and how difficult it is to understand at times, etc... However, in John 14:26 Jesus says to His disciples - "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." There is nothing left to say here but, "thank you Lord Jesus."
A sanctification agent: Sanctification is simply means God's continuing work to free believers from the bondage of sin - or - the process of being made holy like Jesus. Rom. 8:3-14 gives credence to this concept of our sinful nature being overcome by our spiritual nature because our lives are submitted to the Spirit. We cannot become like Christ on our own - yet 1 John 2:6 says that "anyone who claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." Not sure about you, but I want to be controlled by God and the Spirit He offers.
A provider of gifts and fruit: 1 Cor. 12 talks about how each person has been given a gift (or manifestation of the Holy Spirit) for the common good and strengthening of the body and glorification of Christ. No one has all the gifts (otherwise there would be no need for the body) and no one is devoid of at least one gift.
While God is a provider of spiritual gifts and the gifts should never be elevated above the giver, this is not to be confused with fruits of the spirit. When we submit ourselves to the Lordship of Christ and give up our own agendas and seek to fulfill only that which brings glory and honor to God - there will be an evidence of that choice in our daily character: fruits of the spirit listed in Galatians 5..." but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So, these are obviously not conclusive, just a way to get you started. I would at this point like to point out a resource I want to offer for those of you interested in taking your relationship with Christ deeper. CLICK HERE to download a free ebook. This is a great resource to get you started on the road to understanding the Spirit's role in your becoming more like Christ.
This is a conversation that can go on in the comment area - so if there are thoughts you have, please add them.